to be fractionally irritated by this

[sazlocks]

Went into town for a couple of hours with DH, DS1 and DS2 this morning. DH carrying 9 month old DS2 in a sling and me pushing 2.9 year old DS1 in a buggy. Went into a shop to get some lunch stuff and left DH with the 2 kids while I got some stuff in another part of the shop. He says as we were walking back home that a woman had come over to him to congratulate him for doing the shopping while having 2 kids in tow. I laughed and said give the man a medal. I mean he is great and helpful and all that but it amuses and irritates me in equal measure that the sight of a man with 2 children in a shop doing an everyday task is worthy of comment....
AIBU or am I just irritated that no one ever congratulates me for similar things ?!!

What a patronising woman. How old was she?

Don't know about age of the woman - guessing an older woman but not sure.

YANBU. Last week DH was carrying DS (6 months) through town and when we stopped for him to put him into his pushchair, an (older) lady came over to me and said, "oh, aren't men so good with children these days?" Not saying DH isn't fantastic with DS, because he is, but all she saw him do was put him into a pushchair, FFS!

When DS was a newborn he was up frequently during the night, just like most newborns, nothing strange with that.

DH and I were talking to some neighbours one day and they (both in their retirement ages) asked if DS was a good sleeper. We said that he'd been up a few times during the previous night.

Neighbours turned to DH and congratulated him on being "such a patient daddy."

FFS, it's me who gets up during the night to bf DS, DH gets to sleep!

I was at this and DH said to me later that the comment had made him feel patronised.

YABU. If she was elderly, it's likely that her own experience was that men didn't 'do' childcare, so she was congratulating progress, not only your dh.

Yeah, I'm pretty much with BG on this one. It wasn't meant to be offensive by the sound of things. I think it's a bit that a younger woman would say it, but if it's an older woman, it probably is very different than what happened when she had LOs, and she's merely being sweet.

Transports you right back to the 1950s doesn't it?

It's like the old 'oh is your dh babysitting the kids while your out? No he's not babysitting his own kids.

If she was old then YABabitU, as men of her generation were not expected to do anything for their DCs apart from bring home money.

If she was 35,then you'd have a case to be narked

YANBU. Congratulating a man for having 2 children and doing shopping? Patronising. I don't care how old.

"Aren't men so good with children these days" is surely just someoene wishing that it had been the norm back when they had children?

Probably just an old dear looking for an excuse to coo at your kids and flirt with your DH!

Sometimes people just make conversation.

In general though Y(and the rest of us)ANBU to be annoyed that people DO seem to think dads are great for doing stuff mums do every day. DH has been congratulated for doing supermarket shopping with DD. No one has ever come up to me when I'm shopping with DD and said I'm a brilliant mum for doing it. Why on earth is DH a brilliant dad for doing the same thing?

Yes I appreciate that 50 years ago it would have been brilliant, but today it's as it should be!

Rant over

YANBU My MIL is the worst for this, now admittedly she was in a terrible marriage and FIL is a complete wanker but everytime she comes to say she has to make a point of how much DH does with HIS kids always saying oh when DH and BIL were babies I had to do everything, FIL wouldn't lift a finger your so lucky (and so on but would be here all night), but it's always very patronsing, she should be greatful her son turned out better then his old man IMO not patronising him for being helpful.

I was swimming in a freezing lake in the Lake District once while dh played with the 3 dcs on the shore and one woman said 'I don't know how to congratulate more, you for being brave enough to go swimming in this or him for looking after all 3 children!'
well me, obviously! I mean, it's not like someone congratulates me every single bloody day for just looking after them, is it?

who to congratulate more

I totally understand rpickett 'cept for me it's my own mother! "Isn't DH gr8 4 doing X,Y and Z and shouldn't I be doing all that now I'm not working!!!!!!" MIL despite other faults is gr8 tho' and have her to thank 4 bringing up her son to be a modern man.

My MIL spent years making nasty comment to DH whenever he went near or did anything with the DC when she was around.

If one of them accidentally injured him how ever bad she was so pleased and we'd have to listen yet again to how he accidentally bumped his dad's nose in one rough and tumble game FIL had started when he was 2 or 3.

She is better now but it was upsetting.

So I guesses I'm saying its better than your DH being attacked for being with his kids.

Hubby gets this all the time when he's got the kids on his own - annoys the hell out of him. YANBU.

being fractionally irritated is funny. how did you quantify this? i'm either irritated or not. never 3/4 irritated!!

I get fed up of my nan saying that my DH needs a rest as he comes home from work (normal working hours) and takes DS for a walk or to the park in the next street while I sort out the tea. He likes doing it, he loves spending time with his son and he started doing it himself (no asking from me), yet its "poor DH, he should be having a rest" (then theres me with long term health problems looking after a toddler all day and trying to do the minimum to keep the household running, but poor DH). I think they are horrified that DH does the dishes each day and gets DS ready for bed! I'm the woman, these things are my job apparently!

My mum once asked if DP was ok to have both as he left a restaurant with our two DSs to play in the park
Almost as soon as she said it she was embarrased

My DP was in the fishmonger with DD buying fish for dinner. The woman serving turned to DD and said "Isn't you Mummy lucky to have Daddy cooking dinner for her?".