to be cross with my mum

[gremlindolphin]

for wanting to give a large cheque to a nurse she only knew for 10 weeks when she was in hospital recently when there are other people in our family (not me) and in fact another nurse who looked after her and has remained friends for 20 years, that deserve it more in my opinion?

It is her money but I have it here to post? WWYD?

As long as you think she's of sound mind then you have to post it. It's not your decision to make.

yes, what hassled said
did you mention your concerns to her when she gave it to you to post?

YABU

I'd post it.It's nothing to do with you or the rest of the family.

To be honest, I wouldn't post it. Nurses are not allowed to accepts gifts like this. I would be concerned as to why she has choosen to do this.

Why do you care? Obviously if your mum is a bit, ahem, not of sound mind and you feel she's being taken advantage of, that's different. But otherwise her money, she can do what she likes.

She can't take it with her when she goes, can she?

the fact that she has written it makes me question the soundness of her mind!

I did question it at the time she wrote it and she said that this woman was the only nurse who was nice to her and helped her. (ie doing her job? to my mind.

It is for £2000!

Was she in for something serious? It sounds like she might have been scared and especially appreciated her nurse.

I trained as a nurse. Honestly, they can not accept gifts from patients, chocolates are fine though

If this isn't normal behaviour for your mother then you should be asking questions.

gosh, that is a lot.

hmmm, if you really think this is very unlike her then go back to her and say what belle has. that nurses can't accept it, and how about you think of a nice gift for her instead?

Belle's right - there is no way a nurse would be allowed to keep a gift like that, and if she kept it without disclosing it, that would be utterly unacceptable professionally.

Chocolates are a good gift - though I do remember one ward where there was a list of staff, and when a box of chocolates was given, the next person on the list got them. This was great if you got the huge box of Thorntons, but not so good if you got the tiny box of New Berry Fruits. Bitter - moi??

There is the potential for a red flag in there.

I've dealt with similar.

Is it out of character for your mum ?

Is the nurse in any way involved in the solicitation of the money and what context did she meet your mum in ? (or is she unaware of the plan)

I'm used to MIL handing over huge wads of cash to total strangers and spent a few years having to drag all kinds of chancers out of the apartment, but when FIL suddenly started talking about signing some paperwork for his carer (that came with massive financial and legal responsibilities) alarm bells went off. It was such a slow process, that couldn?t compete with MIL?s antics, that we hadn't noticed how slowly his faculties were becoming impaired.

Dig a little and see what you reveal under the gesture.

Just to be sure that she doesn't need more help than perhaps has been realized.

Ooh 2 grand is a lot for someone your mum doesn't know, let alone someone just doing their job. I wouldn't be cross with your mum I'd be worried about why she was doing this.

My friend's dad left half of his estate to a religious group who came calling when he was ill with terminal cancer. Between their first visit and the poor man's death about 3 months later they had managed to convince him to change his will to include their organisation. He was so frightened of going to hell he did what they "suggested". If his solicitor hadn't stepped in as much as he could his family would have been left sweet FA.

It's her money. But I would have a word with your Mum before you send it. Nurses are not allowed to accept cash gifts and sometimes they wre not even allowed to accept boxes of chocolates.

Thank you for all your responses!

Mum is a very generous and sociable person and does make very strong and real friendships with people she meets randomly but she has never given large amounts of money to anyone before.

As far as I am aware, the nurse is unaware of the plan. I said to mum why didn't we just buy the nurse a really nice present?

I also was worried about the professionalism aspect and how the nurse would feel.

Mum is still in hospital (a different one) and she is very frustrated and possibly depressed as well.

To be honest, the nurse might not be able to accept a valuable present either, gremlin.

You are right Mumeeee, I shouldn't be cross with her, she has been having a rough time health wise. I wasn't cross with her when i was with her, just questioning.

I think I will hold on to the cheque for a while and talk to her about it again in a few weeks.

Don't send it as the nurse won't be allowed to accept it. When I worked for the NHS there were a couple of occasions where patients had sent cheques as thanks and I had to write the patient a nice letter to return it and say thanks but it is not professional conduct for us to accept such gifts.