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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it's a school trip not boot camp.

26 replies

EColi · 15/10/2010 18:41

Ds has just got back from a yr5 week away with the school. The school said it was an important week for the year to bond and make friendships and also for the children to develop some independence, for example they would have to carry their own bags to their rooms, take a turn being the 'waiter' at table, and strip their bed on the last day. We do not mollycoddle ds - he is expected to carry his bags etc at home, however he currently has a broken arm, a bad break, with a shoulder-high cast on one arm.

We discussed this with his teacher, who was accompanying them on the trip, and explained that he would need a pillow under the arm at night to keep his hand higher than his heart to prevent swelling, and that he could not go in the water (there was a planned trip to a swimming pool). She took notes and said it would be OK. We sent him with easy to get on/off clothes and a small bag that he could manage with one hand so he could be as independent as possible.

He was starving when he got back (no surprise - he's a growing boy) but said that he had had no breakfast. The boys had been told to strip and fold their bedlinen before they could go to breakfast. The other boys folded theirs and went to breakfast. Ds was left in the room trying to fold duvet cover, sheet and pillowcase with one arm. There was a teacher standing outside the door who refused to let him leave until his linen was correctly folded. He finally got it folded once his friends came back from breakfast and helped him.

He was also not allowed a pillow to support his arm at night leaving him holding his arm in the air unsupported and trying to sleep. I am cross about this since if his hand had swollen it would hurt and could have meant that he would have needed the cast removing.

So AIBU to contact the Head on Monday and complain?

OP posts:
londonmackem · 15/10/2010 18:45

Not unreasonable!

ragged · 15/10/2010 18:45

[shock, yanbu!

Bobthebreadcrust · 15/10/2010 18:45

I would, especially since you spoke to them specifically about his needs before the trip.

Poor communication and no empathy or sympathy.

Hope your ds enjoyed his trip despite this.

Feenie · 15/10/2010 18:46

No, YANBU. I would be dead pissed off - I have been on a million residentials and I would never let a child miss breakfast for ths or any reason and nor would any of my colleagues, that's shocking.

And if the teacher took notes and said having a pillow for his arm would be ok, then that's what should have happened.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 15/10/2010 18:47

That is outrageous. I would be complaining to the governors as well as the Head.

Panzee · 15/10/2010 18:47

Bloody hell. That's terrible. Your poor son.
I am a teacher (And a human being!) Even if you'd not spoken to me about his arm I wouldn't have made him make his own bed with no help, or deprive him of food.
I'm disgusted.

cory · 15/10/2010 18:48

Complain, complain. When dd did school trip under similar circumstances, teachers and children all piled in to help her.

BudaisintheZONE · 15/10/2010 18:50

That's terrible. I would def complain.

Original poster
EColi · 15/10/2010 18:51

FWIW he did carry his own bag, he did the waiter job one-handed and he went on a zip wire/assault course -with one hand (he had a safety harness for that) so he is not a wimp.

He's just told me that one of the boys was crying himself to sleep every night and was then waking in the night and crying :(

OP posts:
cory · 15/10/2010 18:53

The crying on school trips is pretty normal and doesn't always mean a lot: dd told me half her year were sobbing like mad "but enjoying themselves really". But the unhelpfulness is awful.

MumBarTheDoorZombiesAreComing · 15/10/2010 18:54

YANBU, I would have thought the cast was a clue without you needing to speak to them, but as you specifically did and they didn't comply I would speak to the HT and ask them to investigate.

Hope your DS's arm is better soon.

FreudianSlippery · 15/10/2010 18:56

OMG that's awful. Have to admit I was anticipating a PFB thread (sorry) but wow, that's dreadful treatment of a lad with a broken arm! FFS.

Muser · 15/10/2010 19:00

You are really not being unreasonable. I would be livid.

SlightlyUndead · 15/10/2010 19:05

Just Shock

Original poster
EColi · 15/10/2010 19:09

OK. Complain it is. I will ask ds some more questions in case he's exaggerating (not something he's prone to but he is only 9). But otherwise I'll try the Head first.

Got to get a very tired boy to bed now.

OP posts:
MmeMorph · 15/10/2010 19:58

I would be absolutely hopping mad.

WriterofDreams · 15/10/2010 20:11

Wow. I'm a teacher and this seems so unbelievably out of order to me. There is no way I could watch a boy with a cast struggle with bed linen. I'd just tell him to hop off down to breakfast and I'd do it for him (but then I am a bit of a softie).

I have known some teachers who seem to get off on lording it over students and being totally unsympathetic to any problems they may have. Sounds like your poor DS was on the receiving end of one of those. I would suggest you get the name of the teacher who refused him the pillow and the one that stood outside the door and make a very strong complaint to the head. In order to be taken seriously I would emphasise the medical need for the extra pillow (ie your DS wasn't just whinging) and the fact that you let the teacher know how important it was before they left.

I would also let your DS know that this sort of behaviour isn't acceptable and that he was right to be put out about it, I'm sure that'll make him feel a little bit better as in my experience if students feel wronged they appreciate it when someone vindicates their feelings.

Myleetlepony · 15/10/2010 23:10

When you complain to the Head (in writing might be best) also have a think about what action you want to resolve your complaint. You can't turn the clock back, but maybe some sort of apology from the teachers to your son, and assurances about how medical problems will be dealt with in future?

If you are not happy with the Head's response, the next step is to write to the Chair of governors.

GrimmaTheNome · 15/10/2010 23:18

Was the teacher at the door from your DSs school? That is just bloody ridiculous. I don't think I could fold a duvet cover one handed.

And why the hell wasn't he allowed a pillow Confused?

MaMoTTaT · 15/10/2010 23:22

Shock - that's awful! I would be absolutely livid.

shimmerysilverghosty · 15/10/2010 23:27

I am furious just reading that. I would go NUTS if that was my ds. Complain strenuously YANBat all U!

ravenAK · 15/10/2010 23:32

I'm a teacher & YAdefinitelyNBU at ALL.

The school have a duty to manage medical needs if they've agreed to take the child on the trip.

& in this instance, probably no actual harm done (I understand you are furious about it & I'm not for a second suggesting you shouldn't be), but this sort of cavalier attitude could've led to really serious consequences, if their general ethos is one of CBA to stick to the agreed notes re: a child's medical condition.

I'd've ensured his mates helped with stripping the bed & the whole room went to breakfast together. & if I had screwed up & caused him to miss breakfast, I'd've made sure I found him a snack.

Absolutely complain to the Head.

AllGoodNamesGone · 16/10/2010 01:05

YA so NBU!

I am astonished that an adult could stand and watch a child with a broken arm struggle to make his bed Shock poor boy!

Complain!

BeccaandEvie · 16/10/2010 08:36

Aww that's sad. I hope you do complain. It's a disgusting way to treat anyone let alone one with a broken arm. Poor boy :(

StewieGriffinsMom · 16/10/2010 08:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.