Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to give my matey a slap and knock some sence into her?

19 replies

OutOutLetItAllOut · 15/10/2010 14:08

my oldest friend, is set to have a gastric band, in november. and i really wanna slap her and tell her not to do it!!
she has NEVER tried to loose the weight, but was told by dr she had to loose 1.5 st to be allowed the op, and then lost the 1.5 st. but still wont even try to keep at it to loose more. she thinks its the easy option.
she eats so badly, will not cook, will not exercise, and thinks the weight gain is something she cant control. but she has never tried to!!!!!!!!!!
if she managed to loose 1.5, then why not keep trying??
am i wrong to point out that it is not an easy op?

OP posts:
WitchyFlisspaps · 15/10/2010 14:12

I'd stay out of it, the doctors will have explained all the pros and cons of having it fitted, and it won't have been a decision that was made lightly - if she wasn't suitable they wouldn't be going ahead with it.

Surely the fact that she's having it done shows that she's willing to do something in order to lose the excess weight and therefore improve her health, even if it's not the way you'd choose to do it?

Original poster
OutOutLetItAllOut · 15/10/2010 14:14

but she has lied to the drs! and told them she has been dieting, but she hasnt. she seems to really think that this is an easy thing. but i know it isnt, i have another friend who had it, and it has been such hard work.

OP posts:
Tootlesmummy · 15/10/2010 14:14

How about a better diet and a bit of exercise instead of wasting valuable NHS resources!?

If she can lose 1.5 stone to have an operation she can lose the rest of the weight.

Original poster
OutOutLetItAllOut · 15/10/2010 14:16

the thing i have an issue with is that she has NEVER tired to loose weight, then when she was told she had to just to be allowdd the op, she did it. so she CAN loose it. there is no medical reason why she cant. and it far far safer to loose it without the op.

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 15/10/2010 14:16

It's not an easy option at all. and if she doesn't change her eating habits, it won't help her as much as she thinks.

But she won't listen to you, because she doesn't want to. She wants the control taken away from her, for it to be done for her. When she struggles after the op, that's when she'll have to take a good, long look at herself.

I had a sleeve gastrectomy. At my heaviest I was 36 stone.

I am now 23 2.5.

I go to weightwatchers!!

If she wants to talk to someone about life after surgery, - the reality of it! you can pm me for my email address.

WitchyFlisspaps · 15/10/2010 14:17

If she's lost 1 1/2 stone then surely she's dieted in some form?

I'd rather she had the band and lost weight rather than failing to lose it through diet and ending up costing more through obesity related disease later.

3thumbedwitch · 15/10/2010 14:17

It's entirely up to her what she does - although she does sound a bit feckless about it. She needs to lose weight, she has managed to lose 1.5st in order to have the op - what's that, that gastric band op? SO - she has lost some weight after having been ordered to lose it, so as far as the docs are concerned she is putting in the effort.

Unless she has serious mental health issues and you have guardianship over her, nothing you can do, tbh. Except maybe send her to chat with your other friend who has had it done already.

ragged · 15/10/2010 14:18

Hmmm.... does she really understand the long-term risks?
After gastric band is fitted she'll have to be very careful, there are potentially fatal complications that can happen with no warning many years later (I know someone who very nearly died from one).

Original poster
OutOutLetItAllOut · 15/10/2010 14:19

thanks HQOW.
she refused to join WW, she has it set in her head that she cant do it. and its not that she has tried and failed. she just wont try.
WF
she lost the 1.5, after being told she had to to be allowed to op. not before.

OP posts:
Original poster
OutOutLetItAllOut · 15/10/2010 14:21

yes 3. she lost the 1.5 to be allowed the gastric op. but at no point prior to that has she even tried.
i would have thought the drs would see that she can do it the 'normal' way and then advise and help her to carry on that route, but they havent.

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 15/10/2010 14:24

The band will probably not solve her problems. She'll be one of those liquidising mars bars Grin

She wants to lose weight without doing anything.

I understand that. I used to want to wave a magic wand and be slim and stay slim while eating rubbish.

Doesn't work like that. And if she abuses the band, she will be in deep, deep shit.

Original poster
OutOutLetItAllOut · 15/10/2010 14:26

i am very worried about her eating post op.
she hates cooking, wil happily eat take aways 4 nights a week. lives in a shared house, and they dont cook or eat realy meals. i am really concerned that she wont get all the healthy foods and nutrients she needs as she has no idea how to cook. god i sound like her mum.

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 15/10/2010 14:34

she won't.

I have to take a load of suppliments and have a b12 injection every 3 months for the rest of my life.

She may think that this band will change her life, but if she doesn't change her habits and attitude, it won't help her as much as she thinks it will!

But, at the end of the day - she's an adult and she just has to find it out for herself. One day she will have to look realistically at herself and take responsibility.

Original poster
OutOutLetItAllOut · 15/10/2010 14:35

yeah you are totally right.
im just worried for her.
thanks.

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 15/10/2010 14:37

I know you are. You're a good friend.

But you can't help someone who won't help themselves. No matter how much you love them.

HowAnnoying · 15/10/2010 14:37

If she really is stupid enough to go on eating crap after having the band, then I guess she'll learn the hard way.

I would tell her once and only once what you think in a firm but friendly manner, let her know you can help her with some basic cooking and will support her in her effort to lose weight.

If she then goes on to liquidising mars bars (I feel sick just typing that) then you'll just have to let her get on with it.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 15/10/2010 14:53

Oh, can I just make clear that I never liquidised mars bars! It is something the consultant said to me pre-op! Grin

perfumedlife · 15/10/2010 15:02

I just cannot believe someone would willingly undergo major surgery as a first option. Surgery carries many dangers, not least risk of death.

I had surgery on my throat a few years ago and almost died of a heomatoma . It was post surgery neglect, but all ops carry a risk of bleeding. I had to have my throat wound cut open whilst awake, and the clot pulled out by a nurse as no doctors were around. It was horrific, then eight hours more surgery. My dh was told I was unlikely to survive. I now have to take 14 tablets a day to survive and have a host of health problems because of it.

Please, ask her to seriously rethink it.

FreudianSlippery · 15/10/2010 15:34

that's awful YANBU. hard to find the line between letting her find out the hard way, and wanting to protect her.

I think getting her to email Hecate is a really good idea.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page