Not AIBU

[AbsofCroissant]

as I so rarely am but is she being unreasonable?

Backstory - DP and I are going away this weekend for one of his best friend's 30th b'days. It's a surprise party, all organised by his GF, he has no idea. One of the friends in the group is already not going because of existing problems, but anyway.

DP has just found out that another of his best friends, let's call him L, is not going, because his GF doesn't want him to go. Originally, L was going to go on his own, but now she's saying if he goes at all, she's going to break up with him. Part of the reason is that a girl he used to erm, shag, is going to be there. As far as I'm aware, L and this other girl were never serious, it was over before his current GF got together, and until GF found out, she actually got on very well with the other girl. Now, people are coming from all over to go to 30y/o blokes b'day - DP and I are coming from another COUNTRY (admittedly it's only a trip on the Eurostar, but hey). His GF went to all this effort, he has no idea, and then when everyone turns up, apart from L he's going to be quite hurt. L's one of his best friends.

So is the GF being unreasonable? I too was not overly happy meeting an ex of DPs (especially since douchey friend kept on joking "maybe DP should get back with [other woman]" "at least DP always has [other woman] to go back to". Douchey friend was in muchos trouble for that), but then, I'm sure that if it was this kind of situation, I would set my own feelings aside. This is the only time in a year that all the friends can get together too (because they're all over the place), and she's kind of ruining that.

SIBVU and a really quite pathetic (to threaten breaking up, are they still at school FFS?) unless there are other reasons for her not to trust him.

D

She is NBU to give this ultimatum, it is up to L what he decides to do. If he agrees not to go he either values her above his friend, fine, or he is being a wimp. If he does go and loses his GF, maybe she was not worth losing. Either way, don't stress about it. Not your problem.

YA, as always, BU

not worth keeping

Duh.

Serendippy - I am NEVER U

Okay, apart from on Tuesday.

Yeah, I know it's not my problem, but I also wanted to get some MNers take on this, as you're all so wise ... (apart from that one ---->)

I think she is BU, but I think you are too by overconcerning yourself about everyone elses business.

It's not the end of the world L isn't there, L could break up with someone who treats him like this but has chosen not to. I very much doubt the birthday boy will be THAT upset about it (he'll have lots to occupy him with everyone else there & the party etc) - why don't you let it go, relax & enjoy the weekend with the many people that are there?

Oh & I don't thing the sillyGF is ruining the weekend. If anyone is it's L - he should grow some if it's that important, or maybe he's not really as bothered about going as you are or as you think he should be?

Why won't she go to the party? Surely if they both went, and she saw there was nothing between him and the other woman, then the problem would be over.

If she used to like the other woman then presumably she doesn't think she is the kind of woman who 'steals boyfriends'? If she likes her boyfriend then presumably she doesn't think he would be easy to 'steal'?

I'd say she's beign VU, unless there have been other issues about unfaithfulness that you maybe don't know about? Up to him if he ditches an important event for a friend because of jealousy from his GF. But personally, I wouldn't take kindly to that kind of ultimatum.

I was concerned as DP was very upset this morning.

I don't know why she wasn't going - I'd assumed everyone + partners was going. I think it's a control thing.

I think sibu from the information that you have given BUT there may be more to the story than either of them are telling.

Perhaps he has a tendancy for a roving eye, talks about the ex all the time, they have no money, etc. You get my drift.

Think it is difficult to judge unless you were one of the couple and knew all the facts.

I agree that having one person missing from the group is not really going to affect how much you or the birthday boy enjoy the event.

SBVU! How old is she? 13?!

If someone gave me an ultimatum like that I'd be going for definite..