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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to pull the kids out of school just because MIL entered them into a competition?

28 replies

Spidermama · 15/10/2010 10:08

Last time MIL visited from the midlands she brought with her four copies of her local paper she had collected, one for each of my kids, because they had in them a drawing competition the prize for which was going to see a play at her local theatre.

Well one of my kids won the competition (quite a few kids won) and the theatre has offered them all tickets for this play.

Nice idea and I know it was really sweet of her to collect the competition stuff for her grandchildren BUT ... the theatre is 200 miles away (a three hour drive), the AND DH will be working away for 6 weeks so I'm expected to drive them there.

I don't fucking want to. DH is annoyed now.

So AIBU, or what?

OP posts:
exexpat · 15/10/2010 10:11

YANBU. Unless it's a play they really want to see, and on a Friday or a Monday so you can stay overnight before or after rather than doing the trip all in one day, I wouldn't bother.

Perhaps (if you need an excuse rather than just saying no) you can say that schools are really strict about taking time off now and you are worried you could be fined?

Original poster
Spidermama · 15/10/2010 10:13

It is on a Monday but I don't think she thought it through. MIL doesn't have room to put up me and all four kids so perhaps she wants me to drive them to and from Birmingham in one day?

OP posts:
Balsam · 15/10/2010 10:16

I don't think you're being unreasonable to not want to do it but I think it's one of those times that you need to grin and bear it, and just do it. You're only going to piss everyone off if you don't and to be fair, you don't have a reason other than you don't want to.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 15/10/2010 10:19

I'm afraid I have to disagree with Balsam. If you don't want to do something you don't have to. that is good enough reason for me.

Balsam · 15/10/2010 10:19

Ok, given your update, I'm changing my mind. Three hours there and back on a school night? No way! I thought it was going to be on a weekend.

Original poster
Spidermama · 15/10/2010 10:21

Balsam my reasons are that I don't think it's good for the kids to take time out of school and no-one is offering to or would be capable of putting us up for the night so that would mean three hours there, watch play, three hours back. Horrible for everyone.

OP posts:
Balsam · 15/10/2010 10:22

Kreecher, agreed if it's just you it affects but if you're talking about an annoyed husband, offended MIL and four disappointed kiddies, then I'm not sure it's that cut and dried.

VinegaRigamorTits · 15/10/2010 10:22

what date is it on? have you checked it might fall into the half term holiday (cant think why a paper would give a prize for kids that was on a school day)

you kids have made the effort to draw pictures to enter the comp, and one has won! they must be thrilled, how disappointing that they wont get their prize because you dont want to take them

JinnyS · 15/10/2010 10:22

If it was my choice I'd probably take them to the play because I'm big on recognising achievements and winning a competition is a big achievement. I bet the school would be keen to put that in their newsletter as well.

OTOH a 200mile journey is a nightmare, especially if you can't stay over so it's a tough call

Not sure why I posted now - useless answer

AnyFuleKno · 15/10/2010 10:24

drive three hours, sit in theatre for three hours, drive three hours home. The kids would be beside themselves with boredom I expect

Original poster
Spidermama · 15/10/2010 10:24

X posts Balsam. Smile

I think I'm NBU but I'm still left feeling guilty because it was a nice thought, but ill throught through on the part of MIL.

I'm pissed off that DH thinks I should go and thinks I'm being unreasonable. He's away working in the far east for 6 weeks (1 week is pure holiday) so I don't think he has the right to be pissed off with me.

OP posts:
AnyFuleKno · 15/10/2010 10:25

oh and presume you have to pay for three other DCs and yourself, which makes it a pretty expensive 'free' ticket

curlymama · 15/10/2010 10:26

So you would have to take 4 children out of school because 1 has won a competition? Would all the others get to see the play, or would you have to pay for that?

I don't think yabu at all, and not wanting to is a good enough reason. But that's not your only reason, you have other children, and their education to think about. But I'm a mean Mummy, and don't let my children off school for anything unless they are ill enough to need to go to the doctors.

Your DH is away, and therefore descisions like this should be yours.

Original poster
Spidermama · 15/10/2010 10:27

Vinegar says 'you kids have made the effort to draw pictures to enter the comp, and one has won! they must be thrilled, how disappointing that they wont get their prize because you dont want to take them'

....I understand what you're saying and it's a good point but I really resent having been put in this position. In fact when MIL brought the papers and mentioned it would be on a school night I mentioned my concerns then saying I didn't feel right about them being pulled out of school. She just went right ahead though and now I'm the baddy. Angry

OP posts:
RiverOfSleep · 15/10/2010 10:28

If its half term and you can stay in a travelodge and/or go by train or something to make it more adventure like, I'd do it.

I wouldn't take children out of school for it though. I am really strict about that as I could see it being a slippery slope and MIL not seeing the difference between 'day off related to winning art competition' and eg 'day off coz MIL fancies taking them to the zoo'

Original poster
Spidermama · 15/10/2010 10:29

The theatre has offered us all free tickets but that's not the issue.

Perhaps I can ring the theatre and ask if it can be on another night. I think the point is that all the prize winners, and there are loads because this is just a marketting thing after all, are going on that particular night.

OP posts:
reddaisy · 15/10/2010 10:29

The petrol sounds like it would cost more than the theatre tickets!

Can't you agree with MIL in that you will say to your DC that the paper have agreed to transfer their prize to a production at the local theatre and you sneakily pay for the tickets out of the money you would have spent on petrol?

They still get their "prize", you don't have to drive a 6hour round trip and MIL has the credit of having entered them into the competition in the first place.

exexpat · 15/10/2010 10:29

You could always take them to do something else fun (but close to home) as an alternative 'prize'. Perhaps invite MIL to pay for it and drive there and back in a day to join in?

Original poster
Spidermama · 15/10/2010 10:29

It's after half term river.

OP posts:
reddaisy · 15/10/2010 10:29

Or, tell her to come and get the DC and do the drive. Then put your feet up for the evening Grin

Afterall, it was her idea!

beenaghostlately · 15/10/2010 10:29

MIL really didn't think this through did she? This has put you in a very awkward position - I wouldn't want to drive 4 children on a 400m round trip in one day without an extremely good reason. Are they all looking forward to it?

Are you sure that she can't put you up for one night, if you sleep on the floor?

I can definitely say that, faced with this, I wouldn't go. You are probably a much better mother than me.

redskyatnight · 15/10/2010 10:30

I wouldn't do it.
I guess you should have checked the date the play was on (I too would have presumed Saturday matinee for a children's show) before entering, but one to chalk up to experience.

I'm sure you can do something else nice with the DC to make up for it.

curlymama · 15/10/2010 10:31

You can recognise your child's achievement in another way, s/he could still get to see his/her name in the paper, and you could do something else as a treat that day that doesn't involve taking four children out of school and a six hour round trip.

Earthymama · 15/10/2010 10:33

I think that your MIL should be stepping up to the mark and either:

Coming down to collect winner on Sunday and taking child back for theatre visit and celebration meal and returning on Tuesday or:

Booking you all into a B&B for Sunday & Monday nights, Travelodge/Premier Inn, and entertaining and feeding all of you. She could arrange a get together to boast to all her friends about her incredibly artistic grandchild.

Otherwise she get's all the glory and you do all the hard work.

LionOnTheFloorInAPoolOfBlood · 15/10/2010 10:34

Can you compromise by taking them to a local theatre (maybe combine with Xmas panto so justify the cost a bit more?), then get you MIL to pass on the tickets to someone who lives near her.

Bit unreasonable of her to put you in this position I do think.