Morning after pill

[Thruaglassdarkly]

Let's keep this simple, ok. My Mum died 20 months ago in 2008, my stepdad found someone else 10 months ago and moved her in 6 months ago. She has a twenty something married daughter who has just got pg with her 4th kid. She didn't want the baby so took the morning after pill. Then she suddenly decided she wanted the baby after all, but the pill she took has destroyed her chances, which is sad. Now she has to have a D and C at about 8 weeks to resolve the pregnancy.
Thing is, even tho my kids and I are going thru very hard times at the moment, my stepdad's focussed on her. I lost 2 babies this year without a whisper. I lost 3 in the year before my own dad died (2006) and my stepdad said nothing nor did he even register it. I have been a great stepdaughter to him for 25 years. Yet this woman and her daughter come along 5 minutes ago and supplant everything. Why didn't he make a fuss of me when I lost my own 5 kids thru NO fault of my own, yet she pisses about with chemicals and it's all systems go for her.
To be honest, if you think IABU, I don't care. Because clearly I'm not! In the words of Nikki Graham, "Who is she????"

have you sought counselling for your dreadful losses?

i feel you are venting, so ask MNHQ to remove this thread and speak to your doctors

I agree with random

focus on healing you

Sending lots of thoughts

I have no time for counselling as I have to look after my kids. Why would I ask MNHQ to remove this thread? Are my feelings not valid then???????

yes your feeling are, but i would hate to see a women who is dealing with enough being told she is bu.

My doctors don't give a shite by the way. They saw both my mum and dad die horrifically (cancer and cirrhosis respectively) and are just so not interested in the aftermath it's left behind. I asked for anti depressants after it happened and they said, I was grieving and it was normal. It's ok - I get it and know that I'm alone in all of this. Just I kinda thought my mums husband of 25 years was also in it with me. But it appears not, is all. Did my mum's life count for nothing?

no, your mum has a wonderful daughter who sill loves and cares for her, and i bet alot of other people who miss her terrible.

i hope you find some answers, it must of been a terrible shock

This is so sad, Thruaglassdarkly. I'm really sorry to hear about your babies; that must be extraordinarily painful. Do you have other people you can talk to, besides family?

Oh bless you Auntie PB:-) You are so kind:-) There are a lot of others who love and miss her as you say. Will do well to remember them.xxx
Thanks Heartsease.Not really, but my mum's sister and her daughter is still alive and that helps. I don't want to make a pity party here. I just wanted to vent about my stepdad's loyalty going awry is all. I just struggle with the fact that MY mum should be enjoying foreign holidays in the sun with him now and not some other woman who just came out of nowhere and moved into the house that I partly own without asking me.

perhaps this girl is a rebound and he is using this girl to block out the feeling he is feeling

Might be a good idea to post this in the Miscarriage or Bereavement topics. I'm sure you will be offered lots of support there.

So sorry for your losses xxx

Will do. I just wanted to see what people thought generally first...?

thruag wish you well and hope one day you get a take home baby xxxxx

If you weren't feeling very angry right now, I'd think there was something wrong.

Have you tried CRUSE or telephone bereavement counselling? They're around all hours of day/night so there's still someone there to listen when your kids are in bed.

Might also be worth saying something to your stepdad as well. He might not realise you need support if you haven't specifically asked for it and look like you are coping to the rest of the world.

I really do think you need to have a good talk to a counsellor or someone in real life. You have had a lot of stuff happen in a relatively short space of time.

It is great that your Stepdad has found someone to share his life with, does he know you are struggling?

It might be that your stepdad is one of those people who needs prompting before broaching sensitive topics. His new partner might be telling him to support her daughter, and how, and obviously nobody else can do that for you. Were you close to him before? Could you meet him on your own and explain to him how you're feeling? I'm sure he must be missing your mum too -- if you love someone, you don't just forget about them when you go to new places and do new things. If he's a quiet person his sadness might not show. He might even welcome the chance to talk about your mum.

Some men just seem to have a desperate need to have a partner and seem to find one in indecent haste after the death of their spouse. Doesn't mean that they did not care deeply for the first partner, though.

Perhaps he seems to be focusing more on the pain of his new partner because she is more vocal about it and they are living in the same house so he sees it close up?

Perhaps he does not realise how badly you are hurting becuase you hide it well and seem to be coping. A lot of men are not very perceptive and don't realise you need help until you tell tem straight out.

I don't know the answers to these questions, only your DSF can answer them. You need to talk to him.

And please do try some telephone counselling - a friendly voice at the end of the phone can work wonders.

I agree that you need to talk to your stepdad about this too and find out where you stand with him.

How can he move someone into a house that you partly own without consulting you first?

If things do not go well with your stepdad, have you thought about getting him to buy you out of the house and maybe distancing yourself a bit from him and his new life. it might be easier for you if you don't see all the things he should be doing with your mum.

I am sorry about your mum and dad