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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if I give someone a £100

46 replies

GollyMissMolly · 14/10/2010 18:22

gift voucher then the decent thing to do is thank me?

A family I have known for a very long time, one of their daughters have had a baby and as I tend not to buy birthday or Christmas presents I get them something large or a large voucher. I do it with everyone although I don't know that many people Blush so I hardly ever do it.

So four weeks later I was hoping for at least a thank you text. AIBU? Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
GollyMissMolly · 15/10/2010 00:55

If she can bloody well take the time to spend the voucher then she can take the time to write me a thank you card!

Yes I've had some vino! Blush

OP posts:
babymutha · 15/10/2010 01:06

miss molly - it took me so long to get round to thanking people after DD was born - I had PND but nobody knew - I had this fantasy of little hand made cards with baby pictures and it took me til DD was much older to send them - I felt dreadful about it. So rude. Just one of the things that added to my feelings of being a terrible mother who didn't deserve to have a baby.

aurynne · 15/10/2010 01:46

MissMolly, what an ungrateful bitch! If you send me a £100 voucher, I promise not only to send you a thank you note, but to have you in my thoughts every morning for the following year Grin

Will pass you my bank account number through IM...

mamatomany · 15/10/2010 08:03

Even if YOU have PND the family or father of the baby can say thank you, there's just no excuse whatsoever.

BrainMash · 15/10/2010 08:14

YANBU....but it could be on its way. Last year I sent someone in DH's family a present when their baby was born. I was a bit mean about her for not saying thank you - and then I received a beautiful handmade card Blush It was probably about 8 weeks later - but she had obviously been making the cards in the meantime.

Someone in my family still hasn't bothered to say thank you for the babygrow I sent her. And her baby is 8 months old. I know it was only a small gift, but even so, a quick thank you on Facebook wouldn't have taken much.

Meglet · 15/10/2010 08:21

It took me about 3 months to get all the thank you's out after having DC1.

5 months is a long time even by my standards.

kitsmummy · 15/10/2010 08:36

I'm amazed that people are proferring reasons why she may not have got round to thanking you so far, or saying that her generation just don't really do it. She's rude, that's all there is to it!

pommedeterre · 15/10/2010 09:03

I got all my baby thank you notes out within the first month. It only takes a second and I was sooo overwhelmed by people's generosity and excitement.
I take thank you notes very seriously and am always a bit hmmm when I don't get one. Friends wedding was over three months ago and still waiting for one from that.

DeadPoncy · 15/10/2010 09:07

"I would have loved to have been woken by DHL delivering anything.
"Oh to have the obligation of having to sign a thank you card."

Sorry, mamatomany. I know it wasn't very reasonable, which was part of the reason I was so upset!

GollyMissMolly, given the circumstances, this girl is probably rude (kitsmummy, it was someone else who said "I don't do cards", not GoodGollyMissMolly's recipient). MissMolly, you ever given her things before; that is: does she normally do thank yous? If not, then her family is probably partly to blame for the bad manners. I hardly get thank you letters these days (though write them, or telephone for thanks, a good talk and catch-up), and have rather given up expecting them. However, I limit any disappointment by spending little on presents!

I said earlier that the size of your present may not have been a kindness; I now think that the size of present was probably unkind to you, as you are now more annoyed at not being thanked than if you had given £10 or £20. Please don't think I'm having a go at you with this idea. It is sad to hear how disappointed you are, and it sounds as though you have to either stop giving presents - which could allow you to make a helpful point amongst your friends/ family friends - or limit the amount. Why should you give £100, after all? I wouldn't dream of giving so much to someone outside the family. Even if I could afford it, it just might not be appropriate.

nottheeurowinner · 15/10/2010 09:12

hmm I have only JUST finished writing all my thankyou cards. In my defense everyone (even people we honestly don't know that well) has been soooo outstandingly generous and we had over 100 gifts...

& DD has been in and out of hospital so have prioritised her....

but I'm still a bit of a thankyou card slattern in that DD is now 12 weeks old...Blush - I did personalise everyone's card, though and included letters and photo's to those who we don't see so often if that counts at all?

dinkystinky · 15/10/2010 09:15

Yes, she should call or write to say thank you. I made sure I thanked everyone within a week of receiving any gift on the birth of DS1 and DS2, regardless of what the gift was. It was lovely to know we were in their thoughts - and I wanted to return the warm fuzzy feeling by letting them know they (and their kindness and generosity) were in our thoughts too, despite life being rather hectic with the new addition...

Ragwort · 15/10/2010 09:19

I can sort of see DeadPoncy's point of view, when DS was born we were overwhelmed with presents from all sorts of people - I kept a list and I have just looked at it again - over 100 gifts Blush - it is incredibly generous of people but some of them (friends of my parents who live 500 miles away) I really didn't know and what do you do with 25 soft toys?

However, I did write every single one of them a thank you letter pretty promptly - I was able to do it whilst breastfeeding in the middle of the night Grin.

Even now my mother drives me mad saying 'I must buy X's new grandchild a present' - I try and gently point out that it is not really necessary beyond immediate family and close friends but she doesn't get the point !

But really, in this case when a close family friend has received a gift from someone she knows really well she, (or DH - why do the fathers never write??) is downright rude.

DeadPoncy · 15/10/2010 09:19

If I had done photos as well as letters, I would have still been writing letters when DS was one!

Perhaps the non-rude people are too ambitious about their thank yous. Personalised cards are taking it rather far, imo. Shouldn't anyone new mothers have something better to do than hand-decorate cards? You could write three letters in the time it takes to decorate a card, let alone writing the card as well.

rastababi · 15/10/2010 09:20

YADNBU, it's very rude, no excuse for it at all IMO.

DeadPoncy · 15/10/2010 09:32

Having said that about "ambitious" thank-yous, we did laugh that DH's wedding thankyous were far more special than mine... since he hardly ever sets pen to paper! Letters "decorated" in his rare handwriting made my letters look rather plain...

Original poster
GollyMissMolly · 15/10/2010 11:28

I suspect you are right about me being more annoyed at the value Blush but £10 to one person can feel like £100 to another.

I don't know why I feel a little better reading your posts as the majority have justified my feelings, but I do!

FWIW I know how hard it is. I have two kids and I had to right off the first 12 weeks. But a present given much after everyone elses gifts should at least be easier to remember to say thank you for. I would have been delighted with a phone call, happy with a card and contented with a text. Sigh.....

OP posts:
Original poster
GollyMissMolly · 15/10/2010 11:29

Or a friggen email FFS! Angry

OP posts:
AuraofDora · 15/10/2010 11:33

but its not been acknowledged i think that's bad goodgollymolly yanbu

DanceOnTheDarkSide · 15/10/2010 17:10

Can't you ring her and ask?

Just say you are having a blonde moment or whatever and wanted to check you had given her the voucher?

DeadPoncy · 15/10/2010 17:19

Well, no Christmas present for her, then! If she dares to ask about this, you will be able to get all your frustration out. Wink

WitchyFlisspaps · 15/10/2010 17:23

Perhaps she's posted you a lovely thank you card and it's got lost?

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