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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think classes and groups are dull...

47 replies

ladylobster · 14/10/2010 16:28

and only for the mum, of no benefit to the baby until they reach a certain age?!

I have been to a few of late, because friends say i should, HV thinks its good, partner does too... but i am left feeling that it really mucks up with my baby's routine, is usually unenjoyable because of the stress of baby crying / upset, and totally takes up my entire day when i have other things to do like running a house / a life!!

I know i dont have to go to these things, and like meeting new people like the rest do, but do find that some women are bored with their baby's already and only want to network - whereas I am of the opinion that i am on leave to enjoy my baby, not network...

Our mum's didnt have this sort of thing did they, surely, and they did OK

So am I being unreasonable?!

OP posts:

Laquitar · 14/10/2010 18:54

Some mums enjoy them. Others dont. I didn't.
It is good that theyb are there but You shouldn't feel that you have to go.

I used to enjoy walks much more and spend the fiver on cuppuccino and cake.

washngo · 14/10/2010 18:54

When I had ds I was new to the area, no family or close friends nearby. Through going to groups I retained my sanity, and also met lots of good friends who I really value. We help each other out when we need it, and socialise both with and without the children. My son loves playing with their children, who he is very familiar with. When I had my dd four months ago, they were brilliant and cooked meals for me and dh when we were too shattered to move. Four of us had second babies within a month of each other, so have shared our experiences second time round too. Although I loved ds very much when he was a baby, I will admit I was pretty bored and meeting new people made it a lot more fun. So from my point of view YABU, but I guess it depends on whether you meet any interesting people at the groups you go to...if not maybe they are boring.

FlyingInTheCLouds · 14/10/2010 19:02

I love going to my surestart, made some good friends and so have my dcs. none of my friends had kids and work so all day long for 5 years (got 3, 5 and under) I would have gone mad.

I hate being at home all day, hate housework and never had a routine with babies so guess we are quite different!

AliGrylls · 14/10/2010 19:18

YABU. As people have said they are not obligatory.

Also, how do you meet other people that are in the same situation as you unless you go to something? I did not have that many friends with babies before DS was born. I would have found it really hard to meet people otherwise.

In addition to that, once your child gets to the age when they are into everything such classes are a godsend. I found that after a few months I had run out of games that I had made up and it got harder to give him the stimulation that he needed. I find places like gymboree and parent and toddler groups are brilliant for getting ideas on how to play with your child.

washngo · 14/10/2010 19:28

Also wanted to add, I really wanted to go to NCT classes, but found the cost a bit steep and couldn't afford it at the time. Groups (or at least the couple that I go to) are a pretty cheap alternative.

NotAnotherChinHair · 14/10/2010 19:36

YABU

Baby classes and groups are a godsend for mums without friends near where they live or family to turn to. Being a first time mum can be very lonely and these groups provide them with an opportunity to meet other mums with similar age babies.

The fact that the babies don't get much out of these classes is irrelevant because their mums do and they'll benefit in turn.

If a particular class disrupts your baby's routine then don't go to that particular class. It's a no brainer.

TheBolter · 14/10/2010 19:48

YANBU to find them dull. I did too and was relieved when dd2 got past the toddler group age. However as a SAHM I found them a bit of a godsend during the tricky baby and toddler stages as I needed to get out of the house. If I have a third I will probably avoid them, but that's because I have a good circle of mum friends now and work. S less need for them. Thank God .

scottishmummy · 14/10/2010 19:50

depends on the group and participants.dont like it dont attend- simple really

however for some folk they are a reason to be out,something to do.meet other mums

nickytwotimes · 14/10/2010 19:55

breastfeeding group once a week is often the only thing between me and madness.

if they're not for you that's fine, but for amny they are a godsend.

and some of our mums didn't 'do ok'!

nickytwotimes · 14/10/2010 19:55

and yes, alone with my (lovely) baby, I am often bored shitless!

scotsmuminengland · 14/10/2010 19:58

I am so glad there are other people like me who hasn't been to one of these groups. I am constantly feeling guilty that I don't go. When I visit my family in Scotland they are amazed I have never been and make feel like I am a bad mother.

PutTheKettleOn · 14/10/2010 20:00

maybe you just need to find the right one. I've been to some that are crap and some that are great. Agree that until at least 6 months, possibly a year, babies don't get much out of them, but it gets you out of the house and gives your LO a little gang of mates to grow up with.

scottishmummy · 14/10/2010 20:16

be discerning find what suits you.some where ghastly and cliquey.

franchisee · 14/10/2010 20:32

Most groups will let you do a sample class before signing up for a course so there's nothing lost by trying out different groups to see which one suits you best.

arses · 14/10/2010 20:34

I went to a crapload of them after 7-8 weeks. My son was born just before the heavy snow last year and I had been literally housebound for those first few weeks with a terribly disgruntled baby who was feeding poorly and slow to gain weight (consequently screaming like a maniac, oh, every 20 minutes or so).

Did I love my friend G*o the clown? No, not really. I would happily have decapitated him and gouged his sparkly eyes out of his furry head. However, it gave me a bit of routine and structure to the week in the early stages. Baby massage was relaxing, with an ultra-soothing gorgeous hippy mum type leader who I aspired to becoming and made the boy sleep for hours. The local parent and toddler groups were mixed: some cliquey, some chatty and relaxed.

I still go to a group or two now, but these days it's for the boy. Before, it was most definitely for me. It refreshed me to meet other adults in those early stages, realise that others shared the same struggles. Now, I prefer to spend the time more focused on my son and enjoy walking for miles while he naps (which he finally does!), having coffees etc.

I love Baby Sensory though. I think it's ultra-trippy and my son alternates between giggling and being semi-entranced throughout.

lynniep · 14/10/2010 20:36

I also want to big up surestart. In my area, its FANTASTIC. The women who run the groups are brilliant. I take both my DS's 2 or 3 times a week and they both love it. (3.5 and 11 months) Theres no pressure within the group to do anything. The toys change each week. They are held in primary school gyms which are spacious and give the kids room to move around. You get free tea and coffee. The kids get fruit snacks. The volunteers help you and interact with your DC/s and whilst theres a core group of people the faces change most weeks.

So whilst you feel at the moment you arent so impressed with the places you have been, dont give up altogether. If you feel you need to get out further down the line, give it a go, just try somewhere different. Surestart is free so its not like you're wasting money.

undercovamutha · 14/10/2010 20:42

Horses for courses.

Most people I know (including myself) who went to them have no family nearby and few friends with children.

The parents I have since met (at DDs school) who I never used to see at any groups, all have extended family nearby.

I found the groups invaluable to escape the house, talk to other adults, and generally have a whinge and get advice on things. Kind of like MN without the anonymity, but with plenty of tea and biscuits!

2ticks · 14/10/2010 20:47

So you don't want to be judged for not going to groups - fine, but don't judge those who do. Plenty of people who go to groups still enjoy their babies. You are in danger of sounding rather smug.

scottishmummy · 14/10/2010 20:51

i still know mums from my 1st baby group and subsequent ones too

MrsC2010 · 14/10/2010 21:10

YABU for getting so het up about them. I don't understand why this is an issue...you like them, go. You don't...well, don't. It doesn't say anything about you as a person whether you do or not.

I can't be doing with singing etc, but having moved here to be with DH I don't have many friends, so I have enjoyed the one group I go to so far, just nice to get out and about with DD (8wks). She isn't fussed, likes seeing different people (as much as babies that age do!)...but then we don't have a routine, and just go with the flow so there isn't anything to disrupt. We're going to swimming 'classes' which I'm really looking forward to, and I might take her to baby sensory cause it sound sinteresting. Not for another month or so though.

teenyanne · 14/10/2010 21:22

If you don't like it, why bother going? They're not compulsory, but don't be judging those mums who choose to go.

And I did go to a baby group, and it was a godsend - no family around me and all my friends still worked full time, so it was fantastic to get some adult company and realise that everything I was experiencing was normal. (and the lady who ran the group at the surestart centre used to make all the tea and provide us with biscuits (often the only cup of tea I managed the whole day - she is fantastic still!)

Now I take my dd to a playgroup, and it is def more for her, lets her explore a nice big area which is generally safe and interact with other babies (since the ones in my family live far away), also we can try out toys before we buy and there is a toy library that you can borrow from for a while. And I still see the mums (and babies) who i met at the group I went to every few weeks for a catch up (it was lovely to make some new friends who had babies and understood what was happening).

And fwiw, I was bored of being at home - my dd screamed for most of the first 6 months and didn't sleep much so being at home all day on my own with her was bloody hard - having a baby group to go to was a saving grace!

Icoulddoitbetter · 14/10/2010 21:55

I think if you're getting on ok at home just you and your baby then fine, I agree that babies don't get much out of groups when they're really small.

But, alot of women (me included) need to get out of the house at least once a day, and have a bit of adult conversation / gossip / venting. Like many posters I have no family close by and non of my friends have children so meeting new mums at groups was vital for my sanity!

Now my DS is mobile he goes stir crazy in our flat and he and I need a change of scenery once a day to get us through till bedtime. The groups we go to now are for him, not me (lots of toys, soft play etc) which he loves. If my friends happen to be there then we both have a nice time.

So YANBU for thinking groups are for mums benefit, but if the mum is isolated, has noone to talk to, then these groups are a lifeline.

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