to find modern life stressful?

[lifealicious]

Oh I just want to hole myself up somewhere - I just think what's it all about? I work hard, I am permanently rushing around and I seem to get no enjoyment from it all. I never seem to be "here and present", in the moment. Enjoying it, you know. I think I find office politics the worst...

So question:

What do you think is the worst modern pressure on you?

And

What is the one thing that makes you "enjoy the moment" or feel like it (the stress, hustle and bustle) IS all worthwhile?

Money.

Saving for a house
Money to go out
Money to treat my partner
money to treat myself
rent
bills

And I have to be honest, i cannot remeber the last time i "Enjoyed The Momment", All i want to do all day is collapse and cry

The worst modern pressure on me was entirely of my own making and that was work. Once I realised that you can set your own pace, you are within your rights to say 'no', and that you don't have to behave as if you're in a spin-off of 'the Apprentice', the weight was lifted. :) As for enjoying the moment, I think that's of your own making as well. Even if you're in a crappy situation, if you can find something to smile about - you've done it.

worst modern pressure?
Too many choices. What to do, what to eat, what to wear, where to live, what school to send the Dcs to?
It's a mixed complaint because of course choice is generally a very good thing but I do think it leads to a lot of dissatisfaction and wistfulness.

Best thing for enjoying th moment. get out of the house or you will constantly be reminded of all there is to DO. Meet with friends even if it seems a hassle.

Best moments for me are evening with kids in bed and snuggling with a glass of wine and a good book /period drama . There is a lot of satisfaction that comes from relaxing at the end of a very busy day. The contrast makes it so sweet.

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle sums it up quite well

I think I feel guilty about slowing down - there's always something to do. I feel like I have a permanent to do list in my head and that sort of keeps me ticking but sort of stresses me too. :(

Worst modern pressure: To have it all - be great looking, have an amazing career, be thoughtful,kind,generous, be brilliant with kids, finances and in the kitchen, have DC that are similarly amazing, all without batting an eyelid.

What makes it worthwhile: A really good flat white and my DC cuddling each other.

Would you feel less pressured if your life was not 'modern'?

You sound like my wife (not a criticism of either of you). Got sick DD into bed at half seven yesterday and she started saying she had to do the washing, get DD's dinner ready for tomorrow. Suggested she sat down and relaxed but apparently everybody else is so much more organised/tidy/beautiful/goodparent etc etc etc than her and she doesn't bloody stop. I try and say nice things and I definately do my fair share around the house and with DD but makes no difference. I hate it because I love her.

The problem? Living in an age of comparison is one reason. We always compare ourselves unfavourably to everybody else - in the media and in real life - rather than just deal with our own lives in a way we think reasonable. We put pressure on ourselves because of th person who we think works harder than us, the mum/dad who is much better with their kids than we are, the friend with a house that is so much more tidy than ours (they ALWAYS have a bloody cleaner). Once you've expended/wasted so much energy on that, you don't have much left to be happy.

Even MN might not always help, as we always choose to compare ourselves to the minority who seem sorted rather than the majority who struggle just like we do.

Worst modern pressure: Competition. Everyone is competing all the time about everything. House, car, money, kids, looks etc. Exhausting.

The things that make life worthwile: my kids sending me in unexpected fits of laughter because they are funny. Laughter in general. I try to have as much fun as possible. Plus good food, coffee and wine.

I think the worst modern pressure on me is the contradictoriness of what is expected from women - whatever lifestyle we pick (or are forced into) there will be plentiful articles in the media slagging us off for being a drain on the state/fucking up our kids/being responsible for the decline in cookery and the rise in house prices etc etc.

What makes me enjoy the moment - good food, probably. I feel it should be something more intangible like love or a kiss from my lovely children, but hey ho.

Actually, yes, I'll go against the grain here and say you are unreasonable to find modern life stressful.

We are much better off in the vast majority of ways that any previous generation.

We enjoy better health, longer lives and more effective care when we're old and sick.

We're all well fed and warm, our children are well fed, warm and safe. We've all received good educations, certainly by historic standards.

We have a stable government, judiciary and police force which (generally) abides by the law.

We have no major incidence or risk of any disasters, be they famine, natural phenomenon and war.

The vast majority of people historically, and indeed around the world today, would kill for these things (um, and probably have done).

To me, at least, modern stress is self-created stress. That is absolutely not to say that I don't get stupidly stressed for no reason at all but I'm not sure 'modern life' is stressful so much as we make 'modern life' stressful.

Agree to some extent with sler about too many choices, but also that these choices are often loaded with further pressure about doing the 'right' thing. Eat this, don't eat that, eat oily fish, but not too much, and not if you're pregnant, buy organic, but by the way if everyone did then half the country would actually starve, buy fair trade, but don't spend too much money, you deserve a treat occasionally, but not often, and don't flash your money around, work and earn a crust, but how very dare you put your child in nursery, be super clean and tidy, but also have a relaxed comfortable home, set boundaries and discipline your kids, but not too much, and don't be uptight, spend lots of time out of doors, but don't clog up the countryside with your car on a Sunday morning, buy a cheap telly, but it's been made in a sweat shop, but those poor kids have to eat somehow, make a stand about things you believe in, but don't inflict your views on your kids or others, etc. etc. etc. It seems like there is potential guilt attached to every decision we make these days.

Finding the right balance is I guess what it boils down to, and I think this is probably harder now, with all the choices we (are lucky enough to) have, than maybe when people's lives were more pre-determined (not that I'm saying that was better, just that having choice and freedom comes with responsibility to always be making the right choice, which can cause stress in itself).

I also have a thing about saying yes to things, as I feel like I should be doing everything, when in fact, saying no is often better for everyone as I can't do a top job at everything. So trying to do too much.

Things that make it all worthwhile - an hour with my feet up on the sofa, a glass of wine and a good period drama on TV, or a book. Or an hour out in the countryside on a lovely day, or a lovely meal with friends and family, or sometimes, finding out about something really terrible that makes me really appreciate how lucky I am with the life I have, warts and all (I mean I don't actually have warts per se...).

D

for me, i feel like i can't relax. i am constantly thinking about what i still have to do, mentally working down a list. even when i sit down with ds on dvd night, i rarely enjoy it, i am always stressed about what still has to be done in the next hour/week/month etc. i don't enjoy the moment.

You really have to take what other people think out of the equation and start to live in the day.Difficult but great when you can.No one is living the perfect life so do what you can and try and be grateful for something every day no matter how small.For me when I can relinquish the things I have no control over and let go a bit everything feels so much easier Oh and smile and step back from it all sometimes.I have to look at the big picture sometimes to remind myself that a couple of nights of 'on toast' teas won't be the end of the world x

Worst? Outside pressure...consumerism. I try to just live within 'ourselves', but am constantly drawn by the pressure to look better than I do, dress differently, have more. Even though I am happy as I am, if you see what I mean.

Happier since I've stopped work and gotten on top of our finances...due to retraining we're skint but in comfortable and in control (that sounds like a panty liner ad!), which makes me happy. Oh, and since we had DD, cuddling her is great!

bodycolder I agree that taking other people out of the equation helps, but lots of the things I stress about aren't really what other people think/competition, etc. it's wanting to do the right thing myself.

And you've raised another one in your post - live for the here and now, but don't be irresponsible about tomorrow.

I do realise my earlir post is incredibly whingey, which I was conscious of when writing it. I don't feel like that all the time, but I do feel some of it.

D

Choice is stressful and we have too much of that. Plus the images thrown at us by the media that everyone is having a better life than you - until you realise it isn't true.

I agree with BobMarley - competition is the killer.

BUT - you don't have to buy into it. Just measure yourself against yourself and others. At the end of the day, you're never going to be Kate Winslet (random example), you're just you, so be the best version of you.

I do find myself rushing around a lot, but then I know that I chose (a lot) of the aspects of my life - so I live with it.

There's so many moments in my day that I enjoy - waking up next to DP and having him reach out for me, the first sip of coffee, a nice hot shower, getting a seat on the tube, falling asleep, laughing with friends. Admittedly, when I was a teenager and in my early 20s, I struggled a lot with depression, so not being depressed, and not feeling that miserable all the time is a total bonus for me.

For me its lack of work-life balance and feeling guilty for not being 'enough' in either sphere. Time is also a premium which I don't have. I have made myself somewhat happier lately by letting go - meaning I no longer add going to the gym or having me time to the list of thing I need to cram into a week. Now I focus on the core things that need to be done; work, dd, studies and house. It perhaps sounds sad but its actually liberating not feeling like I have to get my hair/nails etc done all the time. If I do once in a while then its a treat and a bonus but no longer a pressure on me to feel good about myself.

I would also add as a pressure of modern times the uncertainty. Regardless of doing all the 'right' things we can still end without the things that we think naturally follows doing things right. I.e. you have an education but can't get a job, you work hard but can't afford a mortgage, you try your best to get your dc into the 'right' school yet dc doesn't get a place.