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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

is my childminder being unreasonable?

14 replies

mummysgoingmad · 13/10/2010 23:24

we met her 6 weeks ago when i got offered a job. I was really happy and got on well with her. we agreed that she would care for my ds tues - fri between 11am - 3pm.

Now i am due to starting she work on monday. The childminder called today and said that the hours that ds would be in her care now dont suit her as it eats in to her morning and afternoon and she wouldn't be able to take on any other children, she would now like me to drop him off at 9am instead (which we have no need for). We are taking him tomorrow for 2 hours as part of the settling in period and i now dont know where we stand.

Do i try to negotiate with her, which may end up in us losing our place altogether or do we go along with anything she suggests even though we are needlessly spending money for childcare we have no need for?

we were due to sign the contract tomorrow, i dont know if i have a leg to stand on or not and was hoping someone could give me some advice

OP posts:

altinkum · 13/10/2010 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RandomMusings · 13/10/2010 23:29

she was silly to have agreed those hours - is she new to CMing? IME I would be out and about in the mornings

however, no contract means that you can walk away

Myleetlepony · 13/10/2010 23:29

If you mean can you force her to honour your original agreement, then I don't think youc can. Verbal contracts are all very well in theory, but I don't think you can make her stick with your agreement.
It sounds to me suspiciously as if she's timed this just right. Leave it right until you are due to start work then drop you in it. What choice will you have other than to drop your ds off earlier and pay her more money?
I suppose if I was in your shoes, and I could make alternative arrangements in time I would. Failing that I'd try asking her to stick to the original agreed hours, but be prepared to go with her new hours... while I looked for another childminder.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 13/10/2010 23:32

Oh, you're over a barrel here, aren't you? I think you may have to agree to her terms if you're starting work on Monday, (unless you have temp nanny agency in your area?) but start looking for other childcare now! (And don't sign anything!)

How old is your DS? Might an au pair do?

Original poster

mummysgoingmad · 13/10/2010 23:33

she has 12 years experience and both my dp and i really hit it off with her as she wa good with ds.

I really dont think i'll be able to find something else in 2 days and even if i do i feel like i would just be passing ds on to the nearest person as we are now in a pickle.

OP posts:

giraffesCantDookForApples · 13/10/2010 23:35

she is being unreasoable to suddenly change her mind.

However I do see how they would be hard hours in that many school pick ups are 3pm.

Do you have anyone else - grandparents? Who can look after ds while you look for someone who can do hours you need?

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 13/10/2010 23:36

I'm honestly astounded that with 12 years experience she took a job with those hours; sorry, but they bugger-up both part-time morning and afternoon spaces, and I'd only have done them when I was looking to wind down and retire from CMing. This is deeply unprofessional behaviour from her.

Original poster

mummysgoingmad · 13/10/2010 23:42

my ds is nearly 2 and quite a shy little thing which is why we thought a childminder would be best for him as there is a small number of kids.

dp's mum has already taken mondays off each week as the chilminder already stipulated that she didnt mind on a monday so we made other arrangments and that was a big ask of her as she is a sister in a nursing home. My mum lives 85 miles away and my dad lives in holland so we're well and truely buggered!

OP posts:

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 14/10/2010 00:00

I think you're right that a CM will be best for your DS, but not this one! Is there any sort of temp care available for hire, for a week or two?

ChippingIn · 14/10/2010 00:19

I would look at other options. I would constantly feel on-edge with her after this and feel that she didn't really want DS... it might not be rational - but it's how I'd feel. She isn't new to CM'ing so she knew what she was dng when she took you on & so is either hopeless or had done this deliberately so she gets more money & I wouldn't be happy with either of those options.

If you really liked her, then maybe still go tomorrow, but discuss this situation first... if her explanation isn't good enough - walk away, you will find another option.

MercenaryMom · 14/10/2010 06:13

Talk to her. If she is going to become your CM, you will need to be able to talk to her about a whole range of issues, from holidays to the care of your DS. If you find it too difficult to negotiate with before your DS even begins, perhaps she's not the right person for you.

Alternatively, it might just be that there's a problem with an 11am drop off. That was always a difficult time for my CM because it interfered with the nursery school run.

FWIW, I had a fantastic CM my first two years back at work and she deserves a lot of credit in helping my DD develop into the outgoing, confident and caring child that she is today. So, they are out there!

Gorionine · 14/10/2010 07:07

I am not sure I understand correctly, she wants you to pay from 9 even if you drop at 11? If so I think she is unreasonable because even if you pay, it will still "eat" a bit of her morning. If 11 is really a bad time for her (nursery run) would it be possible for you to drop your Dc @ the nursery she pick up from instead of her house (do not know if this is done at all BTW but maybe a good compromise?)

TattyDevine · 14/10/2010 10:11

Much as this is annoyoing and puts into question her integrity a bit, is there any chance you could consider just sucking it up and dropping and paying from 9am, and using that extra time to get things done, run errands, tidy the house, all the other crap that still needs to get done if you are working? Once you actually start work you might just find this 2 hour window an absolute godsend.

Its annoying to just roll over and do what she wants though...

fedupofnamechanging · 14/10/2010 10:22

I used to be a childminder and I agree that these are not ideal times from her pov, but she did agree to them and should stand by her agreement.

Sounds to me like she's had a better offer or has thought about how much more she could earn if she squeezed a few extra hour out of you. I wouldn't pay for hours that I didn't need as this will work out very expensive. I'd also be inclined, if she won't honour the initial agreement to contact the NCMA and LA to point out that she has been unreliable.(Only do that if you end up going elsewhere though).

If you do agree a contract, there should be a settling in period, whereby you could both end the agreement without notice if things don't work out. (2 months seems a reasonable time frame)

The fact that she doesn't work Mondays, may make it hard for her to fill all her spaces anyway, so I'd be inclined not to give in. I'd start looking for another CM too.

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