Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to feel a tiny bit jealous of ds

10 replies

jacksmomma · 13/10/2010 21:19

i neeed to give some background ,
i had quite a hard chilhood ,my mum left my dad when i was seven and my brother was four , this completely broke my heart and still does whenever i hear someone say they would never leave their kids no matter what i have a great relationship with her now but the hurt is sometimes still their , i have always been very close with my dad and my bro was closer to my mum , my dad remarried and had another baby when i was twelve , i was delighted to have a new sister but quickly felt pushed out as she quickly becvame favourite , my brother and i are often told she will do better than us is cleverer better looking etc and she also gets taken abroad multiple times a year has lots of new clothes a dog basically all the things we couldnt have she is twelve years younger but my parents are not better off they just obviously think she is worth it more than we were
i met my dh five years ago and felll head over heels and it was mutual we moved in almost staightaway and have an amazing relationship , my ds came along three months ago and unfortunately i did not bond with him straightaway which devastated me ,my dh however is completely smitten cant stop talking about him which is how it should be,
the problem is when he goes on and on i cant help but feel a tiny bit jealous like a little kid inside me is saying what about me? it doesnt help that a lot of the when im talking to dh he is not listening and gazing ot our ds, i know i shouldnt feel like this and ned some advice on getting over it , has anyone ever felt the same? its making me feel awful

OP posts:
BloodAaarghsbite · 13/10/2010 21:52

I felt the same when my DS was little.

My father hated me and while I did bond with DS immediately, I still found myself becoming very jealous when I saw him with DH having a wonderful, loving relationship.

I'm glad to say it passed and I haven;t felt like that for a long time now. The feelings haven't reappeared with the birth of DD either, even though they share an equally close relationship ad have that father/daughter bond I always craved.

I found that as my bond with him got stronger, my desire to care for him and give him the very best over-rode my jealousy. I hope the same happens for you too.

IsItMeOr · 13/10/2010 21:54

That's a lot of stuff going around in your head, when you're also coping with the demands of a 3mo.

It does sound like you may be a bit depressed, perhaps post-natal depression? It isn't that uncommon to not bond with your baby straight away, particularly if you have PND. And it hits people differently.

Can you talk to your health visitor or GP about how you're feeling? I'm sure you'll find that they've heard it before and will have some things that they can offer to help you.

You also need to try to talk to your DH about this, i.e. that you feel that he is not listening to you. It's understandable that you're both very distracted at the mo, so don't expect otherwise, but could somebody look after DS for an hour or two so that you and DH could have a chat by yourselves?

Good luck and hope you're feeling better soon.

TheBrideOfBlatherstein · 17/10/2010 08:30

I do love it when you take the time to post something heartfelt on a thread and the Op never comes back Hmm

opiussun · 17/10/2010 08:45

Chill out TheBride! It's only been a few days and not everybody wants to or has the time to check their posts on Mumsnet regularly. I forget about stuff I've posted all the time and then come back a week or so later.

jacksmomma · 14/11/2010 01:38

hi im very sorry i havent been back for a while , i did go to the gp i am now on ad after this post pnd hit me pretty hard and my head is all over the place ,i would like to say thanks for everyones advice

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 14/11/2010 01:50

Good luck to you Jacksmomma- I hope it works out x

jacksmomma · 14/11/2010 01:56

thank you , the ads seem to be working as i feel the cloud is lifting i just feel sad i didnt enjoy my ds's first months but im making up for it now he is amazing

OP posts:
Doigthebountyeater · 14/11/2010 10:53

Glad things are looking up for you. It is hard to parent when you haven't been 'parented' properly yourself. I am in the same boat and waiting for psychotherapy to deal with the demons. Good luck.

jacksmomma · 14/11/2010 23:04

i hope your psycotherapy goes well for you, im waiting for my counselling appointment wish i had gone for it years ago, i know what you mean about not being parented properly , its like half of me grew up far too quick and the other half is still a child . let me know how you get on bounty eater

OP posts:
Doigthebountyeater · 15/11/2010 11:56

Will do. Good luck my friend.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page