To think my parents are being terrible PIL-to-be, and to call them on it!

[LittleRedPumpkin]

My brother's just told us he and his fiancee are expecting a baby, the first grandchild in the family.

Naturally, mum and dad wanted to ring me and chat about it, as it's very exciting. But tell me: is this normal?

My dad started off saying how he'd heard the news from my brother and 'we were trying to work out when it was conceived' (I initially assumed 'we' meant my brother brought the topic up, but I may be wrong!). I told dad brother had said 10 weeks to me. So then mum and dad started asking me where I thought it had been conceived as brother travels a lot - I thought this was a bit weird and to be honest, not something I fancy discussing when it's my brother and my parents!

So then dad says, 'and I asked her - not exactly straight out - if it was planned, and she said you can't plan these things'. By this point I was cringing for my SIL-to-be! After a bit more discussion with each other, mum and dad decided that it probably wasn't planned, but was a good things since 'she is quite old now' (she's 29). They then told me they were pretty sure SIL wants the baby more than my brother does.

I thought this was really rude and I told them both my DH and I had spoken to my brother and he couldn't have sounded more thrilled, I was sure it was great news for both of them and a great time to have a baby. Predictably, I've now been told I'm being stroppy and rude and don't know how to be a decent family member.

I know I'd be pissed off/upset if I were SIL and hear what they were saying about her - but am I being a bit over-sensitive given that they didn't actually say this to her (as far as I know)? Or is it the done thing to discuss the details of your grandchild's conception history?

A couple of years ago DH and I were staying at my mother's for Christmas. His sister called in on us there with her boyfriend and announced in the living room to us two she was pregnant. We said congratulations, I then went into the kitchen where my mother was to sort out cups of tea. My mother had heard the conversation, cue her saying to me "She's pregnant is she - was it planned?" ("I don't know" I say), "Was she on the pill?" ("I don't know", I say), "How long do you think they've been trying?" ("I don't know" I say), "Do you think they'll get married?" (I DON'T KNOW" I say), etc etc. I was dying of embarrassment as my mother is quite hard of hearing (despite her bat-like hearing from the other room) so speaks VERY LOUDLY. SIL is now pregnant again and needless to say the same questions have started up again.

I think some of this is quite normal. When I told a colleague that I was 12 weeks pregnant she came back to me 5 min later and said "weren't you on a business trip with X 12 weeks ago?" I had to explain how pregnancies are dated from LMP. My mum also asked me if DD was conceived in Germany as we had gone on holiday around the right time. No one asked me if it was planned as it clearly was.

Well, it sounds like my parents aren't the only ones! I agree, it does make me wonder what they say about me to my brother.

I think it's not any one of the questions that is so bad, it's the whole lot together - it just sounded very relentless and I'm concerned they want to pester out all the details, which aren't really their business.

Anyway, my brother was chatting to DH online last night and he clearly is absolutely over the moon, so hopefully he'll let it all roll off him.

I do think there's no polite way of asking if a baby's planned - but if you're already married or already have children, I guess it's less offensive in that context. It seems really rude in this context though.

I think you just need to let it go, for your own sake. I think this is much more about you, your feelings and your relationship with your parents than them being rude or not to your SIL.

Totally understand parent frustration and yes I have a much better relationship with my lovely, sane MIL than my mentalist of a mother!

I know I will be subjected to the Spanish inquisition when I finally get pg, my MIL is very nice but an absolute pest and nags about everything that is very much not her business!!

Yes, proud, it is. It's just I find it so much easier to put up with them being crappy to me than to someone else. I feel almost embarrassed for them, being so rude and not knowing they're doing it.

But you are right.

Hedge - do you think the old Heat staple, 'I gave birth without knowing I was pregnant' would work here?