To think DH should just give my sister a f*cking lift and stop being so annoying?

[TooImmature2BMum]

My husband has this totally precious attitude to driving the car and has been known in the past to refuse to give my sister and her boyfriend a lift to family events (journey of about 3 hours by car/train). I asked him this time if he would and he got as far as the discussion of whether or not they would chip in for petrol. I thought things were sorted and told my sister she could have a lift if she chipped in for petrol (she has been known to refuse to do this in the past - it's not all started by DH!). DH has now emailed to say he's not happy because he didn't say yes to giving them a lift yet. What does he want me to do, beg?? It is so mean-spirited! Okay, so he doesn't like my sister's boyfriend (he is very irritating), but it is so embarrassing when people ask if I'm giving my sister a lift and I have to go plead and negotiate to get her the lift (and then she f*cks it up by refusing to pay for petrol, even though it would have cost her £50 to take the train, so putting in a tenner for petrol is a brilliant deal).

I passed my driving test on Monday and I have no idea yet how this will affect the dynamics of lift-giving. If I'm driving, can I give anyone I like a lift? The car belongs to both of us, not just him - and did even when I couldn't legally drive it!

If they are so unreasonable then it would annoy me a bit to put myself out massively.

I'd be tempted to offer them a lift on the basis that they got themselves to your house so as not to inconvenience you / add to journey and then split petrol money (if it means that much to you - it wouldn't to me but I realise that two extra bodies add to the weight of the car and therefore affect fuel consumption)

I wouldn't give my Sis a lift if she was like yours. How rude.

Petrol money should be offered imo, especially for such a long journey. Plain rude not to.

tightwad sis should pay for petrol contribution and stop being so reliant on someone else

and given you share car,up to you who taxi about.you dont need permission to use own car

they've all done horrible things to each other at one time or the other

Why ? What ?

Why do these people want to be in the same confined space ?
Is this really a good idea ?

I wouldn't give her a lift either. I'm not sure you persuading her to offer petrol money this time would change my mind either. She actually refused to pay petrol money in the past, well in my book that would mean she didn't get any lifts in the future.
You haven't made it clear if you are offering them a lift to something that you are going to as well, or whether the lift will involve a diversion, but on the fact of it I sympathise with your DH.

So she is half an hour out of the way, actively refused to contribute to petrol and moans about the DC choice?

She would be getting the train if this was my SIL.

CD choice.

Your sister sounds like a right immature arse. I would not give her a lift, irritating boyfriend or not. I am actually sure it is your SISTER your dh finds irritating, he just does not want to upset you.

We have ONE rule when it comes to driving:
The driver is The Boss. This means that the person driving the car decides when to have a break, when to stop for food (unless somebody needs a wee or is starving) and what music to listen to, if any. Driving long distance journeys is tiering. (which you will soon see for yourself when you start driving) This is why the person driving the car calls the shots. Driving long distance with moany, irritating, petulant, stingy people would be a no no.

You should support your husband in this. You should tell your sister "Sorry sis, but your behaviour when we are driving is awful, you dont chip in with petrol, we have to make a long detour to pick you up rather than coming to us, you moan about music choice, and frankly we dont want this on long distance drives, so please dont expect us to give you any rides in the future"

I don't think you should have to beg your DH to do something for you. If you want to give your sister a lift, then that should be good enough for your DH, whether he personally likes your sister or not.

I think that you DH needs reminding that it is your car too. It is good that you have learnt to drive and will help you get some of the power back in your relationship. Your DH is not in charge of you and what you do!

That said, your sister sounds spoilt and selfish and I can see why your DH doesn't want to be trapped in a car with her for hours. I would tell my sister and her bf that they don't have god given rights to a lift and should offer to pay for petrol and not take you or your DH for granted. You are not a taxi service.

Finally, I would give her a lift and not charge her for petrol if I was going to the same place anyway, but if I was going out of my way, then she should be polite enough to offer petrol money. It's then up to you whether or not you accept it.

"The driving thing is just annoying because I know how expensive the train can be, but petrol's not free either. It is not that my DH wants them to pay for petrol, it is that they never ever offer and she has actually refused to contribute in the past but expects us to go pick her up (diversion of half an hour or so, which isn't much) and then complains loudly about the choice of CD all the way. "

FFS can you blame him?couple this with an irritating boyfriend who he has a history of not getting on with?
It sounds like at the moment sometimes he concedes and gives her a lift and sometimes he doesn't and you concede and you guys go on your own.
Surely that's reasonable as it is. You can't just blindly say "it's your car as well you can give lifts to who you want." because surely this would equally apply to the husband in that it's his car and he's driving so he shouldn't be forced to give lifts to people who he doesn't get on with,don't offer to pay for petrol and then are actually just ungrateful to him when he's gone out of the way.

Chances are that when he gives the lifts he should be slightly more gracious about it and then on occassion when he doesn't feel he can put up with giving them a lift you should accept his decision earlier and not get on to him.

Just curious OP.

Is this the same sister who gave you a DVD player ?

Sorry TooImmature2BMum thats nonsense!!

Cumfy, Digging out old posts? Yes, my sister gave me a dvd player, but I am not the op. Why is this relevant?

Tbh, going by what you've said, I wouldn't give her a lift either. And have actually had the same argument as you, DH doesn't drive, I do. He wanted to give a friend of his a lift, I've refused.

Does your DH enjoy driving? Or does he do it out of necessity? Because I find driving annoying enough without irritating passengers.

Often the thing is that non drivers don't understand that it is tiring to drive long distances - they assume its just sitting in a car rather than constant concentration, decision making, using judgement etc, and for this reason don't see that it is actually an effort sometimes to give other people a lift, whether they are going the same place or not.