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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit miffed & consider speaking with the Teacher??

28 replies

rockinhippy · 13/10/2010 12:33

It is p'ing me off a bit, but so far, I am hoping DD is going to be able to sort it out for herself, but its not looking good :( & as we had so many FAR worse issues last year, it just seems trivial to raise it with the class Teacher & DD is worrying about that causing her trouble Confused

We got a letter at the beginning of term, informing us that DDs class no longer get "fruit/veg" break free school snacks, & also asking us to make sure our kids have breakfast, as its a long time until lunch & they have become aware that a lot of Kids haven't eaten before school :( I do always make sure DD has a good breakfast, but do understand thats not always as easy said as done.

because of this, the letter also invited us to provide a healthy fruit or veg snack for our own kids to have with their morning break, which I now also do

Problem is, other parents aren't, & DD is now being mobbed every break by 2 of her classmates, saying how hungry they are, 1 saying shes not had breakfast (the other just likes her food) & demanding that she share, DD feels sorry for them, & splits her own food, but she's asking me to give her more, as this is now leaving her feeling hungry Angry

Now if these 2 girls came from poorer families, which I know there are a few in her class, as DD tells me she worries about the poor lunches a couple of her class mates have, then I would probably just turn a blind eye & happily just give her a bit extra, but these 2 Girls families are better off than we are, in 1 case the Mum boast of only needing to work, so that she to buy her kids treats & pay for all their expensive hobbies Hmm, so it does p' me off to be providing these girls with food everyday Hmm now & again I wouldn't worry, but it IS everyday, & DD is now asking me to give her things they don't like, so that she only has to share with 1 Angry

OP posts:
BudaisintheZONE · 13/10/2010 12:36

Hmm. Tricky one. How old are they?

Original poster
rockinhippy · 13/10/2010 12:39

7/8 year olds

OP posts:
OutOutLetItAllOut · 13/10/2010 12:41

speak to the teacher, its bullying. they are forcing her to give them her food, but making her feel bad. its not right.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 13/10/2010 12:43

Def. speak to the teachers - it's bullying, pure and simple, and needs to be nipped in the bud.

WhoAteAgentZigzagsBrain · 13/10/2010 12:43

My DD has this problem too. If she takes something like fruit flakes in, she hands some out and then has loads of other children saying 'I want some more' 'that's not enough' cheeky beggers Hmm

Strangely, this doesn't seem to happen if she goes in with a carrot or tomatoes Grin

I've left it for DD to sort out, and tell them no they can't have it, but if it was becoming a real problem and she couldn't do it herself, I'd tell her to either try and eat it near the teacher in the playground or just tell the teacher if they're blatently just nicking it off her.

It's the law of the playground with this one IMO, it might be good to send your DD in with a few phrases she can just keep repeating to them ' get lost get your own' 'no you can't have it I'm hungry' etc.

narkypuffin · 13/10/2010 12:43

It's a good chance for her to learn to stand up for herself. If she says no they'll stop pestering.

SunshineOnARainyDay · 13/10/2010 12:43

Agree. Have a word with the teacher - your poor DD

maryz · 13/10/2010 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MimsyRogers · 13/10/2010 12:44

If it's happening regularly and has been for several days, then yes I would have a word with the teacher. She can then just send a note home to the parents in question and say that their DC are hungry and need a snack, and also make a general announcement to the class that it's not ok to menace other people for food.

Acanthus · 13/10/2010 12:44

I don't think it's bullying. Can you talk to your DD about making choices/ balancing her needs and theirs/ reponsiblities/ standing up for herself? The other girls keep asking because she gives it to them, and to the teacher it probably looks as though she is happy to share.

TastesLikePanda · 13/10/2010 12:44

Two words -
Mustard Sandwiches.

[Ideas shamelessly stolen from The Lighthouse Keeprs Lunch]

WhoAteAgentZigzagsBrain · 13/10/2010 12:46

I don't think on its own it's bullying either, but like narky says it's a good chance to build a bit of confidence with assertiveness rather than aggression.

olderandwider · 13/10/2010 12:47

I think the teacher should send a polite note back to both parents saying their children are clearly hungry by break time and to please provide a snack. Should shame them into providing something.

At DD's school you could buy apples/bananas on the way into school for about 10p. I think the fruit was donated by a local greengrocer.

Just a thought.

Bloodymary · 13/10/2010 12:51

Speak to the teacher, its beyond belief that these girls are given no food until lunchtime, what are the parents thinking!
Also, as you say, they are not poor (tho they do sound ignorant).
I had a disagreement with my ex SIL a while ago, as she gives her DS a bag of crisps for breakfast because she said it was all he would eat and it was better than nothing. FFS.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 13/10/2010 12:57

I agree that you should speak to the teacher. My DD was harassed for her salami last year. The girl who helped herself wasn't allowed meat (veggie family) so took to having some of DD's Hmm. She wasn't prepared to give DD any of her biscuits though.
Teacher started to implement the no food swapping rule which she should have been doing from the start lazy mare.

Bloodymary · 13/10/2010 13:00

Thats a good point, 'no swapping food', allergies etc.

Original poster
rockinhippy · 13/10/2010 18:00

Thanks everyone :)

& its ALL healthy eating snacks, so only fruit & veg allowed, but seems some fruit & veg are favored over othersHmm

& yes VERY good point on the "no food swap" allergy rule, I'd forgotten about that, & the School already DOES have that rule in place, I know that for sure, due to DD herself having food intolerances, I've used that 1 tonight, I think with very good effect as DD hates breaking School rules :)

& no, in this instance I don't consider it a "bully" issue, neither girl was demanding, just kids been kids & DD being kind hearted & not feeling comfortable sitting eating it all herself when her friends had nothing

& where as I do agree with it seeming like a good opportunity for her to learn t be assertive, thankfully she IS usually a very confident & assertive kid

Though today was a bit of an eye opener for DD, as turns out, when she brought out her tomatoes, which they don't like, one of the girls, who can be a manipulative little moo Hmm DOES have an apple hidden in her bag, she just preferred DDs stuff, so had lied to her to get her to share Angry

I think that also will make DD stick to the School rules, as DD was in a bit of trouble recently after this same girl had lied to her about something else, so she's pretty cross about it all herself now.

The other girl genuinely doesn't have food, but that may be down to her Mum not understanding the letter (not English), so DD is going to ask her to talk to her Mum, using the School rule as her excuse for not sharing anymore :)

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 13/10/2010 19:46

Its pretty crap isn't it, you drum it into them from year dot that they need to share and how its the right thing to do etc etc and then they hit this age and become manipulative, so you have to then teach them how not to and when its appropriate not to! Arghrrr.

ForMashGetSmash · 13/10/2010 20:14

Yes...have a word. it's crap that the teachers have not noticed some ids without...I dont think it sounds bullying either mind...just pushy kids and a kind DD.

Tell her to lick it all over...they wont ask then!

DialMforMother · 13/10/2010 20:20

'harrassed for her salami' sorry but lol. I just might change my name to that...

Original poster
rockinhippy · 13/10/2010 20:52

So true TattyDevine all the hard work, & then having to undo it & teach them how to spot a cheat :(, but sadly thats life, so I suppose all good lessons to learn young, but sad none the less

ForMashGetSmash LOVE that Idea Grin Grin

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 13/10/2010 21:07

' it's crap that the teachers have not noticed some ids without'

They may well have taken note of which children don't have a snack, but as it can't be a school rule that parents must provide a snack, what exactly do you expect the teacher to do about it?
Harass a parent to provide a snack?
Pop round to check that the child is being given a decent breakfast?
I don't understand why it is crap of the teacher. Unless the teacher is also the children's parent.

The no sharing rule is a good way to prevent food being hoovered by other children.

uggmum · 13/10/2010 21:19

If your dc has a good b/fast does she really need to take in a snack. Neither of my dcs ever take a snack to school, they are not starving and lunch time is around 12.00. With a balanced breakfast children do not need a mid morning snack.

Not taking a snack would solve the problem.

ForMashGetSmash · 14/10/2010 07:55

uggmum my kids get starving before lunch too....it's a metabolism thing. Mine are both tall and very skinny if they don't eat they get crazed....blood sugar thing. I don't think not taking a snack would solve the problem at all.

overmydeadbody · 14/10/2010 08:08

Speak to the teacher, then she can tell whoever is on break duty to keep an eye on the girls and your DD, and teacher can remind all children of no sharing rule.