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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

M and S baby change hijacked with guard outside!

46 replies

veget8ed · 13/10/2010 11:24

AIBU to be PO that when I went to change my 4mo DD in M&S that a woman stopped me from going in by blocking the door and saying, "you can't go in there, my daughter's feeding in there." So blinking what?! I am female BTW. I am also BFing and much prefer starbucks etc and the chance to have a chat with who I'm shopping with and would not even consider sitting in a baby change to BF even less prevent other mums from using the facility for it's intended purpose.

OP posts:

newwave · 13/10/2010 16:20

Possibly "ffs get out of my way" would have covered it.

phipps · 13/10/2010 16:22

YANBU

I would have insisted she let me in.

APixieInMyTea · 13/10/2010 16:27

I would have told her that I wasn't interested In the fact the daughter was in the changing room feeding, I was just interested in using the changing room to change my baby thank-you very much....

NightLark · 13/10/2010 16:27

Wow, the aggression on here. Way to try and put a woman off breast feeding for life. Walk a mile in the bf mum's shoes. It's not the end of the world that the changing room was in use. Fine, be cross with the rude 'guard', but all this talk of marching in is aggressive and unpleasant. I just don't get it. Have a bit of compassion for someone who can't have been feeling comfortable with bf (else they'd have been doing it in the cafe with a nice cuppa and a cake!)

APixieInMyTea · 13/10/2010 16:32

The woman didn't feel comfortable doing it in public, fair enough, use the changing room but don't stop other mothers using it for it's intended purpose.

Changing a nappy is a multi tasking job, I'm pretty sure the mother changing the nappy is going to be too busy concentrating on that rather than worried about bf mother.

Serendippy · 13/10/2010 16:40

When I was BF I never managed to be discreet, it was boobs out the whole way, therefore I never felt comfortable BF in public. I would not like to think I was stopping a mum changing her baby, but I would not have wanted a teenage boy to come in and change his baby brother IYSWIM. A little bit of patience goes a long way towards encouraging more people to BF, it may have even been her first trip out with a newborn! Sounds like the 'guard' may have been sent to have that role to give mum a bit of peace, she sounds a bit manic!

ChippingIn · 13/10/2010 16:41

It's not her room... if she isn't comfortable bf in public (like in a cafe) and wants to do so in the baby changing room - fine, but she can't restrict others coming into it.... highly unreasonable (but I do tend to think that Mother was put on the door to keep her out of the way!!). I would have said 'Excuse me' and gone in, had she tried to stop me again I would have just said that it's not designed to be used by one person at a time and if she needs more privacy then she could use a (clothes)changing room as there are more of those and there's only one baby changing facility.

ChippingIn · 13/10/2010 16:44

Serendipity - if a teenage boy needed to come in to change his baby brother/sister/own child (and where do you find these ever-so-helpful lads?? ) I dare say he wouldn't be oggling a bf Mums boobs - he's really only likely to see them as milk jugs if he's so enlightened he's changing pooey nappies.

Veget - why did you 'allow' her to stop you going in?

Glitterknickaz · 13/10/2010 16:46

M&S were BU to have bf area in a place where there are stinky nappies.

Some stores have chairs or benches in their changing rooms, I'd go for that any day over what is essentially a toilet.

Serendippy · 13/10/2010 19:32

ChippingIn just an example

However the point I was trying to make was that I would not have been comfortable around a teenage boy, not that he would be perving. I really felt that only another mother would understand that I had to be completely topless (and often weeping with pain). This is why I didn't really go out for 3 months.

I would not have wanted anyone stopped coming into a shared area, am just trying to give an example of a reason why the girl wanted some privacy, even if she was in the wrong.

MaudOHara · 13/10/2010 20:00

I did actually feed DS in a shop fitting room as the baby changing room was filthy - it was much more pleasant.

YANBU baby changing rooms are shared facilities - the guard had no right to stop you going in

BackgroundRacket · 13/10/2010 20:07

Maybe it had nothing at all to do with the woman who was breastfeeding. It could just have been her mother's attitude: perhaps she wasn't comfortable watching her own daughter feeding the baby and didn't want others to see.

arses · 13/10/2010 21:14

I wondered that too, BackgroundRacket..

ChippingIn · 13/10/2010 23:54

Serendippy - it's a shame you could hardly go out for 3 months... mind you, I can be a complete hermit at times, so it probably wouldn't bother me tooooo much!! Why did you need to be completely topless? (genuine Q not stiring by the way!).

I completely understand that, for whatever reason, some women want/need complete privacy, but if you do, then it's up to you to find somewhere suitable that doesn't inconvenience other people (too much) such as using a (clothes) changing room if there are several (so yes, it may make it a bit slower for others to access one, but far less of an inconvenience that essentially closing a baby changing room that there is only 1 of).

I still think the bf Mum gave her Mum 'door duty' to give herself some peace from her - but maybe I'm projecting

MadamDeathstare · 14/10/2010 01:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Serendippy · 14/10/2010 10:36

ChippingIn, I never managed to get BF right and only way DD would get anywhere near me was to nuzzle at my chest, skin to skin, for a few minutes first, then I had to guide her on and hold my boobs in position so she could latch, which even then she did not do properly. I only managed 3 months and saw BF concillors, HVs etc who could only ever say 'yes, she has a poor latch, keep trying skin to skin and let her find her own way'. It was hell and I was totally relieved when I gave up and started on bottles, althoug still makes me a bit sad.

I don't think anyone has a right to a changing room, was just sharing my (shitty) experience.

As I said earlier, I would not be surprised if the woman had given her mum a 'little job ' to keep her out of the way.

withorwithoutyou · 14/10/2010 12:06

Where's the OP?

Was is a changing area with loads of changing stations ands she'd hogged the whole room? Or was it one toilet with a changing station in it?

I think it's unreasonable to block off a multiple area but I can understand the mentality of a quick feed in a single cubicle if it wouldn't take much longer than a nappy change.

ChippingIn · 14/10/2010 16:12

Serendippy :( that's a shame when you really wanted to BF.

jcscot · 14/10/2010 16:38

If the changing room was like the one in our local M&S, it's a single room with a sink, a bin, a chair and one of those changing tables that fold down from the wall. You definitely can't fit more than one person plus child in it. The sign on the door indicates that the room can be used for changing and feeding.

It also has a lock, implying that you can lock the door to ensure privacy whether changing or feeding.

Serendippy · 14/10/2010 19:14

ChippingIn, people tell me that even if it doesn't work with the 1st, it might with the next, so will try again next time.
I am not overy modest (anyone who knew me in my student days will testify to that) but even for me, fully naked from waist up is too much for a cafe

Am very jealous of people who can stuff the baby up their top and carry on when I didn't even have a free hand for a cup of tea!

ChippingIn · 14/10/2010 22:14

Serendipity - I used to know a woman who was a lactation consultant, she is loud & lovely - she is brilliant and has never failed to help a Mum get her baby to bf - she's a bit mad, but I think it helps! I hope it goes well if/when you have another :)

I'm somewhat pleased you feel naked from the waist up is a bit too much for a cafe

I used to have a friend (a very large woman - not fat, just very tall & solid - stands out in a crowd) who would pretty much strip the top half off to bf her 3 boys (separates not triplets!) and she bf them till the were all almost 3 - she was just toooooo much to go out shopping with!!

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