To think that i deserve sleep as well as my boyfriend

[newmum001]

First of all id just like to say that my boyfriend really is wonderful and is so helpful.

But since he's gone back to work after 2 weeks paternity leave we have developed a system where i get up and do the night feeds Sunday to Thursday and he gets up in the night on Friday and Saturday. This has been working really well as our daughter has a feed between 10 and 11pm and only wakes once during the night.

However she has had a cold for the last couple of days which has really disruted her feeding and as a esult her sleep pattern is all messed up.

On Monday night she was really snuffly and i was a bit concearned about her breathing so we decided she was better off sleeping in her bouncy chair instead of the moses basket as being more up right seemed to help, so i slept on the couch downstairs with her.

Anyway last night my boyfriend kept going on about how well he'd slept the night before as he was in our bed on his own and had nothing waking him up etc, i had had quite a stressful day yesterday (first doctors appointment with the baby and she screamed the whole time) and was exhausted.

It got to 11pm and she was showing no signs of waking as she had been very restless all day, i tried to wake her gently to feed her but nothing would work. She was fast asleep. I needed sleep so i suggested going to bed and leaving my boyfriend to wait it out with her downstairs until she woke for a feed as i knew she wouldn't last more than an hour or so until she was hungry.

My boyfriend suggested putting her in her moses basket and both of us going to bed but i knew this would result in me doing 2 night feeds instead of just one so id prefer to do it the way id originally suggested which resulted in a row about who gets more sleep, me or him.

I know this might sound a bit petty but i just feel like he thinks i have it easier as im at home all day and he's at work but that is so not the case!

Our baby is 4 weeks old and has always been very alert and active since the day she was born so the chance of getting any sleep during the day is almost impossible.

Also when he gets up on Friday and Saturday night i always get up with her in the morning, usually between 6 and 7am and leave him to have a lie in for a couple of hours. I'd kill for a lie in but never get chance.

I know we are very lucky as she only wakes once during the night and some babies are up every 2 hours or so but i was really annoyed that he thinks i get more sleep when i do the night feeds 5 nights out of 7 and on the 2 nights he does the night feeds he gets a lie in the following morning. How on earth does he think this results in me getting more sleep than him??

Sorry for the rant, but feel slightly better now i've got all that off my chest.

x

Alternate your lie-ins so he has one on Saturday and you Sunday

Tell him - he is already doing a good chunk on the nights shifts so he is clearly doing his part

You do both deserve to be rested absolutely BTW

What ruby slippers said. Even just one lie-in each per weekend should get rid of some of the resentment.

My DS is 9 months old, still wakes at least 3 times at night, and my DH has never seen to him in the night.

He is bf so it does make a difference, though.

I think the 2 of you should come to a proper agreement about how you will deal with night feeds and situations like illness and that your boyfriend needs to understand that having a small baby means disrupted sleep (whether or not he is getting up).

It is difficult, I know, but in a couple of months you won't even remember this

The tiredness makes you a bit crazy, I know, but you have to just stick with it, it will get better. I did all the night feeds, but my other half got up with the baby at the weekend (and usually just sat watching the telly, but never mind). Or I did an hour, then he did an hour, then maybe the baby would nap.

I know it seems unfair, and looking after a baby all day at home is tough, but your four week old baby will not judge you on your performance. His employers might judge him on his.

Have you got a friend or relative who would come and stay the night at your place at the weekend? Then you could hand the wee one over for a couple of hours while you both get a lie-in together. It's amazing what a couple of extra hours will do for you, and your sense of perspective.

DD is 8 wks old, and I do the waking during the week as DH is retraining and really does need to be on the ball. Whilst DD doesn't sleep really during the day, I can bring her in with me when he goes to work and try for a little nap...sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

But on weekends we share. EG: Fri night he will have her on his side of the bed so I only have to be awake for feeds, he will settle her. Then I will get up with her so he has a lie in. Sat night she is back next to me, and I get the lie in. Sometimes not for as long as it depends when she wants feeding next.

DH knows that having a baby equals disruption, but there is no point us both being knackered all the time. It easier for me to be knackered at home than it is for him to be knackered at work. But I'm not that bad.