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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

More WWYD am I being too sensitive?

13 replies

firefliesinjune · 13/10/2010 07:08

I suppose this is more WWYD?

New neighbours moved in nextdoor and have a DS who is 3. Our DS is a few months younger. Over the 6 week holidays little boy nextdoor was off nursery (he is usually there everyday most days) and much to my DS delight they played everyday - they were in and out of both houses equally I would say. They played nicely most of the time with the odd squabble.

Then he went back to Nursery and his Mum said that she would collect him early some days so they could play again and also at weekends as well.

Its been over a month now and they have played briefly one evening which seemed a bit strained - nextdoors little boy was a bit grumpy. When I bump into the Mum and Dad (who appear very friendly) they always say "oh yes we might collect him early today so they can play" or "see you at the weekend" but this never happens.

I am a SAHM with a DD who is 6months and I find it really hard to get out. Ive been trying to get to the toddler groups so that DS has some company as he is quite upset nextdoor dont play anymore.

I'm probably overthinking it but Im starting to wonder if I've upset them and they are avoiding us? Should I ask them or just forget about it? It plays on my mind a lot as I feel sorry for DS. He thought he had a great best friend!

My DH is a bit annoyed as he felt we were just "convenient" during the holidays. Probably because Im struggling a bit at the moment its more upsetting than it should be. Should I say something to them or just let it go?

(DS will be starting Nursery next spring so hopefully lots of little friends then)

OP posts:

Bunbaker · 13/10/2010 07:12

I suspect that the mum just keeps forgetting about collecting her son early. Also he is probably tired after being at nursery all day, so this is why the playdate didn't go well. What about weekends? Does your son not go to nursery at all?

Original poster

firefliesinjune · 13/10/2010 07:19

I guess they are just busy at weekends as they seem to go out early and come back late. No DS does not go to a nursery yet. We have been going to a "getting ready for Nursery class" once a week but not a huge amount of children attend.

OP posts:

YunoYurbubson · 13/10/2010 07:21

Oh my goodness I think you are being massively oversensitive, and way overthinking this.

Why do you find it hard to get out of the house? Are you depressed?

Am puzzled by your dh being annoyed that the boys played together "because it was convenient". Of course it was convenient. And now it is not the summer holidays it is less convenient and other things have to take priority. I think you are being very unrealistic if you expect them to pick their child up from nursery early so that he can play with your child, when he is tired and has already been playing with children all day at nursery.

You are pinning far too much on to them.

You need to find other children for your son to play with, and not rely on your neighbours.

And how lovely that your two boys have each other to play with during the holidays.

Goblinchild · 13/10/2010 07:24

Poor little boy is likely to be shattered after a day at nursery, and collecting early can be very disruptive for all concerned. Perhaps the other parents didn't quite realise what the reality will be.
When yours starts, perhaps your OH will have a better understanding of why things have turned out as they have.
Can you find other places that your son can play with other littlies?

childrenofthecornsilk · 13/10/2010 07:24

The other little boy is probably exhausted after nursery. Just let them get on with it and do your own thing for now. They'll play again in the holidays.

beenaghostlately · 13/10/2010 07:32

Agree with Yuno that you are putting too much reliance on the other little boy's parents. The 'picking up early' really isn't a confrmed promise and actually it may be very inconvenient for them to do that. It could, for example, be disruptive to the Nursery's routine to have parents suddenly appearing to take their child home without prior arrangement.

I certainly wouldn't ask the parents if they have done anything wrong. They might start avoiding you altogether, even in the holidays.

Original poster

firefliesinjune · 13/10/2010 07:33

Yes I thought I was probably overthinking it. I am suffering a bit with depression. Am being treated but finding little things hard work. Thankyou for replies I shall try and move on and keep taking DS to as many toddler groups as I can!

OP posts:

essenceofSES · 13/10/2010 07:34

I agree with YunoTurbubson

It may be really difficult for them to collect their DS earlier, especially if they are working and very likely that their DS is very tired after his day.

I'm sure there will be future opportunities but don't push it. Also, if your DS is about to start nursery, that will give him - and you - the chance to make further friends.

essenceofSES · 13/10/2010 07:39

Sorry x-posted and spelt Yuno's name wrong!

Sorry you're struggling with depression - not easy. Do try and keep to what you've suggested re getting out to different toddler groups. I generally find the thought of going out a bit much some days but I always feel better for it, and so does my DS.

Squitten · 13/10/2010 07:39

Agree with everyone else. This is your problem, not theirs. You can't rely on your neighbours to provide the only company for your son. I would imagine that since they are paying for full nursery sessions whether their son is there or not, pulling him out early is massively inconvenient.

My DS is 2 now and I find nursery a god-send. He demands so much attention and stuff to do, it can be hard to keep up with him so it's nice to send him somewhere twice a week where I know he'll be stimulated and have some other kids for companty. I would suggest you either get on with putting him in nursery (BTW - what is a "getting ready for Nursery class"?) or make more of an effort to find groups, get out to the playground, etc.

Original poster

firefliesinjune · 13/10/2010 07:46

"Getting ready for Nursery" is run by my local sure start which is right next to the Nursery DS will go to when he is 3. Children have to be 3 to go to this Nursery as its part of the infants/primary school. The class is just 2 hours and has a teacher - just like Nursery would be - play and then tidy away and snack with singing at the end.

I dont think the whole thing would bother me if I wasn't ill. I know that its not my neighbours responsibility to be our company, just very hard when DS asks everyday "is XXXX playing today?"

OP posts:

Weta · 13/10/2010 08:19

I agree with the others that you are being oversensitive - I'm sure they're just busy or whatever.

Maybe you could say that your DS would love to play with theirs sometime, and suggest arranging a time (asking when would suit them, maybe a weekend would be better than after nursery) - that might work better for them than if they are just thinking they will get round to it sometime and never quite manage it.

pinkdelight · 13/10/2010 08:44

We're a bit similar to your neighbours. Their little boy keeps asking if my DS can play, but my DS is in childcare during the week so the weekend is really precious family time that we mainly want to spend together. We do playdates from time to time, but not as often as they'd like and we do sometimes have to avoid/make excuses. This is no reflection on how lovely the neighbours and their boy are and how nice it would be for them to play together more in an ideal world. It's just not doable right now.

So please don't take anything your neighbours do personally. They probably just have a lot on their plate and this is way down their list. Really ope you find some alternatives and are feeling better soon.

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