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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want my stuff back?

11 replies

asbolutelyfabulous · 12/10/2010 22:56

Nearly four years ago, I had a very acrimonious split from my partner. The situation back then was that I had to leave the country where we were living due to civil strife (the country's, not ours). The plan was that he would move over to where I had relocated, bringing my things with him. The things I'm talking about are photos of a backpacking trip I went on in my early 20's, before the days of digital and online, my personal diary, clothes, books, etc.

Anyway, long story short is that I realised that actually he wasn't very good for me at all and I was incredibly unhappy with him. I ended it over the phone, and unleashed all the wroth inside him.

He moved over anyway, started stalking me outside my work and my house until I called the police. After that, I heard nothing from him.

In the meantime, I've got married and had a baby, but I still pine after my stuff. I did email him a few months ago asking him where it was but I got a very rude email in response basically asking who I was and saying that he didn't remember me. I'm sure he's refusing to give me back my things as a measure of power and control.

I can't very easily go back to this country to get my stuff myself, because I wouldn't know where to start looking. Our flat was rented, and that was given back years ago. His parents have since moved house, and in any case I would feel very very uncomfortable seeing them again.

Truth is I only want my photos and diary back; I've been living without the rest quite happily. I will never get back those photos, and I hate to think that somewhere out there is my diary where my most personal thoughts over a 10 year period are open to be read by anyone who finds it.

Basically, AIBU to want my stuff back? Is it all a lost cause? I have honestly tried to convince myself to get over it, to forget about these things and move on, but I just can't. But that's exactly what I do have to do, isn't it?

OP posts:
asbolutelyfabulous · 12/10/2010 22:57

sorry, wrath

OP posts:
Firawla · 12/10/2010 23:01

yanbu to want it back but being in another country im not sure you have that much hope as its not like you can just go get it yourself, you would be relying on him going to pack it up and post it to you i guess? which if he is not willing to be amicable is a bit unlikely, unfortunately... so i think yes that is what you have to do really just try to get over it but im sure it must be really annoying

DioneTheDiabolist · 12/10/2010 23:02

Yanbu to want your stuff back but I don't think you are ever going to get it so for your own sake you should let it go.Sad

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 12/10/2010 23:04

It's a lost cause; he probably burnt the lot before coming over here to stalk you.

WhoAteAgentZigzagsBrain · 12/10/2010 23:09

I wouldn't have thought he'd have kept your stuff all this time.

That would mean moving it with him every time he moved house, and why would he? Especially if it ended on bad terms.

If he is a bit of a control freak and has stalked you in the past, you wouldn't want to exchange getting in contact with him again for some stuff you've not had for four years.

WhoAteAgentZigzagsBrain · 12/10/2010 23:11

At least if he's destroyed your belongings your diary wont be floating about for all and sundry to read.

Silver lining and all that Smile

anonymosity · 12/10/2010 23:18

I think, in all honesty, if this guy stalked you - genuinely - you don't want to contact him about anything. You have a small child to protect. Your old photos and diary are irrelevant to that.

Floopy21 · 13/10/2010 09:52

YANBU, but I think you just have to let go now-maybe pretend to yourself they were in a fire? I have a similar box floating around in Wales somewhere.

RiverOfSleep · 13/10/2010 09:56

TBH, not to take away the importance of your feelings, but your diary won't be that interesting to anyone else as they don't know you. So if it did ever end up in some random hands and they were ignorant enough to read it, it wouldn't mean anything to them. Its like other people's blogs - on the whole terribly interesting to them but trivial to anyone else.

Unless you are a very famous person or have committed some terrible crime of course?

asbolutelyfabulous · 13/10/2010 10:08

Ha ha River of Sleep, no, I'm neither famous nor infamous, unfortunately.

Thank you all for your responses - I think I just needed confirmation that I've got to let it all go.

OP posts:
Hassled · 13/10/2010 10:11

Poor you - I can imagine how hideous it must feel to have the diaries of your youth kicking around god-knows-where. But I agree it sounds bloody unlikely you'll see them again - I'm sorry.

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