to be angry at my sister for allowing her child to get so fat?

[AnnieDelores]

My sister and I have struggled to get onfor years. We have nothing in common and although we love each other deep down, we really don't like each other much. She is very overweight - about 3 stone. I have watched her over-feed her 9 year old daughter for years now and she is also obese - not just chubby, obese, but I've said nothing to avoid a row. I hoped it would resolve itself. Both my parents express their concern privately, but don't tackle this issue with her directly. They know she has a temper, is selfish, and is in denial about her own weight problem. They're also worried she will withdraw their access to her children. When I visited my sister this weekend, I heard the 9 year old say to her father "I'm fat". He laughed it off, cuddled her and said "you're not fat sweetheart you're lovely." To me, her self esteem appears to be low and she is obviously self aware, yet my sister still fed her chocolate for dessert. I decided to speak up after all this time and offered my sister some help with nutritional support from a nutritionist I know because I couldn't bear to see the child suffer anymore. She lashed out at me for insulting her and poking my nose in. We had a huge row and I think our relationship is permanently damaged and I will now not see my neice. My parents are angry with me for rocking the boat and I'm cross with them for not showing me some support for trying to help. My intentions were good, although I admit my anger may have tinged my words. Am I being unreasonable?

I think you need to grab the bull by the horns and strike again to be honest. You've had the row. Nothing to lose and a lot to gain.

However you need to be really careful what you say and how you say it. I would go and see her on your own and say that you are sorry for upsetting her. Say that you are her sister and you love her and that you love your niece too and hate to think that she is unhappy and poss at risk of being bullied as she gets older.

Tell her that you may have been out of order in talking about a nutritionist but that you only have your nieces best interests at heart.

Then ASK her what She feels about it. And maybe try to come up with ideas to help.

I so understand how hard it is. I have 3 sisters and we have issues with one whose DS has behavioral issues. If one sister says anything the sis gets her back up etc. I can get a bit further but I approach it differently.

Sadly I disagree with the idea that her niece will change on her own. As a child or teen is it very hard to change without a lot of parental input. Even if they are supportive they may not know enough to help.

It's good to be an outside influence such as an aunt but it's often not enough. We've found that with my DSD who is overweight. DH and I are really trying to help her make healthy choices but it can only help so much when her mum keeps feeding her crap and encouraging laziness.

I wasn't going to post this as it seems a bit unkind but my cousin was wearing a size 16 at 12 years old, she was a right porker, back fat the lot but she did grow taller and slimmer as she went through puberty.
She's now a lovely size 12, never going to be thin most importantly IMO she doesn't have an issues with food and isn't permanently on diets which i think is to her parents credit. This is such a difficult area it needs to be handled very carefully.