to be annoyed at christening gift when DD is not being christened

[luigibosca]

My DH and I have decided not to have our DD christened. This has sparked much 'debate' within both sides of our family, which is rather strange in itself as no family members are church goers. Anyhow, mil wants to buy a christening gift so DD has a keepsake as this is what she has done for other grandchildren.

I'm quite annoyed at this, but not sure whether its my feelings towards mil(worthy of whole other thread)making me feel this way or am i justified to be annoyed and feel as though our wishes are to a degree being ignored?

What does she want to buy?

If it's something like a bracelet or even a silver cup I'd say YABU as it's nice that MIL wants to mark DD's birgth in some way and has a keepsake.

If it's something more overtly "religious" then I'd say YANBU in that this could be interpreted as a criticsm of your choice not to Christen.

Just re-iterate to her that you've decided against a Christening, but tell her if she wants to get your daughter a keepsake gift then that is lovely. But that it won't be a Christening gift.

Depends what it is
if it's anecklace with her name in then yabu
if it's a gilt edged bible yanbu

YABU, if DD isn't being christened then it isn't a christening gift, just a gift.

I think it's nice that your MIL wants to buy your DD a keepsake like she has for her other grandchildren.

Just accept the gift with good grace but refuse to be drawn into any further discussion about christenings. In the grand scheme of things it's not worth getting wound up about.

YABU. She wants to treat all her grandchildren the same. I would welcome that approach. It is a gift, not a christening gift. Accept it in the spirit in which it is being given. It is definitely not worth having a dispute over.

I think it's really sweet that your MIL wants to ensure that she treats her GC equally. You could politely ask her not to get anything religious, like a bible (or get your DH to ask). Your DD might feel a bit miffed when she's older if she finds out that her cousins got a present to do with being named and she didn't. You could have a little party or get-together as a christening substitute - this might silence all 'debate'; your family could probably be more nonplussed about not having something to celebrate her name and arrival than the matter of it being a thing in church.

Unless it´s religious or says "for your Christening", then it´s just a gift, isn´t it?

We've had similar to this.

DD1 is baptised (catholic) and my (nominally C of E but non-church going)ILs bought her a cross as a present, they did the same for my Niece when she was christened.

We've now had DD2 and for various reasons we haven't had her baptised and don't currently intend to do so.

My poor inlaws have already purchased a diamond cross and keep asking when we're going to baptise her. I have explained that I can't rationalise my crisis of faith to enable them to have a party and have an excuse to give a gift

It gets brought up every now and again and I politely ignore it

I assume that you are not having DC christened because you are not religious yourselves. If this is the case, your MIL will have to respect that in the same way that you no doubt respect her right to her religious beliefs. I agree with the others that a keepsake or memento is a nice idea and it would be churlish to refuse it, but you or DH should make it clear that you don't want a religious gift like a bible or a cross.

Thanks for all your comments, IABU. I lose perspective on things when it comes to my inlaws behaviour unfortunately.

You´re not the only one luigi

My GPs gave DP and me a wedding present and cheque in order to be fair to their grandchildren - we have no intention of marrying but I appreciated the sentiment (they phrased it as a commitment present to be fair)