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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is actually quite selfish?

31 replies

shimmerysilverghosty · 12/10/2010 12:34

Not me, friend and probably a bit of a minor thing but anyway.....

Her dh went away for a week long stag do and all that would entail, lots of nice meals, drinks etc and generally good time, she stayed at home looking after their dc.

The night he gets back (late) he suggests they get a take away, she agrees, when choosing what to have she suggests what she wants, he says "oh god, not that again, so boring, you always want the same thing?". They always share a main dish to keep costs down. She doesn't like meat but does eat fish so yes, they do tend to have the same main ingredient (prawns or fish) in different variations. Anyway it ended in a row, he ordered what he wanted and she huffily didn't have anything.

AIBU though to agree with her that having been away for a week on a big boys jolly without her he should have just let her have what she wanted for this particular take away. I know it seems petty but this guy really does take the piss out of her and she asked me if I thought she was being petty about it, I don't and said I would ask on here.

So what do we think?

OP posts:
BuntyPenfold · 12/10/2010 12:38

I would have had a take away every night that he was away.
Yes, he sounds a bit of a misery.

thedollshouse · 12/10/2010 12:40

It comes to something if they are having a major fallout over a takeaway. I think there are bigger problems in the relationship.

FernieB · 12/10/2010 12:40

YANBU - he's just been away on a stag week - (how much will that have cost them?) and he can't spring for a takeaway of her choice!

rubyslippers · 12/10/2010 12:41

She's daft to let him try to dictate what she should eat and then huffily not order what she wants!

He is her husnpband, hit her parent. It isn't about letting her order food ... Good grief, I can't believe she capitulated

MaryBS · 12/10/2010 12:42

I think they should have separate main courses. Is it REALLY so expensive that its worth fighting over?

booooooooooyhoo · 12/10/2010 12:42

he sound sliek he got a taste of doing his own thing and is trying to implememnt it at home on a shitty way.

yes he was selfish. but she was being immature to huff and not order. and how come he has enough money for a week long stag do but they have to share a main course (causing a row) to save money? doesn't sound fair.

rubyslippers · 12/10/2010 12:42

Should read he is her husband, not her parent

Can't type quickly on the ipad

oldmum42 · 12/10/2010 12:44

yanbu at all. Selfish bastard.

Original poster
shimmerysilverghosty · 12/10/2010 12:45

Yes suppose the huffing was a bit immature but she said the row just took her appetite away. Sort of think this is the tip of the iceberg really, don't actually think she was doing it to make a point, just didn't want to eat with him after that.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 12/10/2010 12:48

It just sounds so petty but also controlling

booooooooooyhoo · 12/10/2010 12:50

unfortunatley, no matter how pissed off i am i can never refuse a meal!! Grin i would have ordered and taken it to bed to watch tv.

Original poster
shimmerysilverghosty · 12/10/2010 12:58

Oh I can't eat at all when I am pissed off, am all hyper and squeaky.

I think it was just the pure selfishness of it "you hve just got back from your holiday and gone on about the great food and wine you had on it but you can't even let me have a f&cking King Prawn Tikka Masala on the first night back after I have been looking after dc completely alone for a week" kind of thing.

OP posts:
booooooooooyhoo · 12/10/2010 13:01

she is right, he was totally selfish. he ate and drank what he liked for a whole week, and i bet he wasn't watching the pennies or sharing any mains while he was at it.

HoneyIatethekidsdragon · 12/10/2010 13:02

him cock monkey - hope it gave him the shits

uanbu on your friends behalf

can get him complaining if it was a rare treat for them both and she always insisted on the same thing but this is clearly not the case. He had had a week of treats.

mayorquimby · 12/10/2010 13:02

"and he can't spring for a takeaway of her choice!"

Where does it say that? Surely she could have ordered her own thing as well.
All the op says is they normally share but since she doesn't eat meat it is always a fish dish. Surely that's her dictating to him how to eat not the other way as others have suggested.
If he was somehow refusing to order her a meal of her own and just getting his own then I'd agree he's being a twat.
All this says is that he didn't want to share a fish dish, this ended up in a fight and the op's friend sulking and not ordering anything because he ordered a dish for himself that he wanted rather than sharing one with her that she wanted and he didn't.

OrmRenewed · 12/10/2010 13:05

Agree with mayor. They should have had two meals.

And if it was me I'd have been having what I wanted to eat every night that DH was away. Bliss!

Original poster
shimmerysilverghosty · 12/10/2010 13:06

He won't order two main courses - too expensive. He wanted her to eat something different (meat) even though she doesn't like it. To be fair I don't think she is dicatating anything, she doesn't like to eat it and would happily have not had a take away at all.

The point is he has just been away for a whole week alone,eating and drinking whatever he likes could he not just, on this occasion, let her order what she wanted without moaning about it? Save it for the next time iyswim?

OP posts:
DaemonBarber · 12/10/2010 13:07

It never ceases to amaze me, the complete and utter selfishness of some people.

Guy sounds like a prick.

booooooooooyhoo · 12/10/2010 13:08

i know if it was that had been away for a week leaving a partner to look afetr the dcs (i wish) then i would be telling him to order what ever he wanted off the menu and it would be my treat for doing such a great job.

mayorquimby · 12/10/2010 13:18

Well then as I said if he was ordering something he knew she doesn't eat and refusing to order anything else for her (rather than as I read the first post as "they fought, she got in a sulk as a result and decided to order nothing) that's twattish.

Firstly she shouldn't have just accepted this, that's not petty it's just being reasonable, why the fuck would he suggest a take-away when he insists they share a meal and knows she doesn't eat meat and then insist they order meat? How did he expect that to go?

Secondly while I could understand his annnoyance over having to eat fish every time he orders a take-away if it was his wife insisting on them sharing a meal, but it doesn't seem that way and as others have said there would have been infinitely better times to bring this up rather thn when he's just gotten back from a weeks holiday on his own.

Is it a joint decision on the sharing or is it him who insists on sharing? If it's him insisting then it just seems bonkers to pick a fight over it when he's the one who's creating the problem. If it's a joint or her decision then I'd understand the annoyance but would certainly have picked a better time to bring it up

Original poster
shimmerysilverghosty · 12/10/2010 13:25

Joint decision on sharing. Not joint decision to take holidays alone though, he makes up his own mind on that one! Star that he is.

OP posts:
Tootiredtotickle · 12/10/2010 18:42

God sounds just like my ex!

I posted about him once under another name and long ago and how he couldn't stand for me to have side dishes, as pointless and too expensive.

Ex's new girlfriend is that you being posted about??

Diamondback · 12/10/2010 19:32

What a knobjockey

Northernlurker · 12/10/2010 19:35

Who has a week long stag do? Is she sure he was away with mates?

ScaryFucker · 12/10/2010 19:41

well, unless the stag was his brother, his son or his father, she is a mug to begin with...takeaway or no takeaway