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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for not letting my 9yr old have a mobile phone?

39 replies

twirlymum · 12/10/2010 10:54

I can't see the point. I take her everywhere.
BUT all her friends have one (I know most kids use this as an argument, but in this case it's true).
She feels hard done by and left out when they are texting each other (even though they are all in the same room!).
Am I a mean mother?

OP posts:
BooBooImpaledOnBrokenGlass · 12/10/2010 10:56

yanbu. I wouldn't let a 9 year old have one either, and tbh the thing that would bother me is that they would have no comprehension of how much they cost, let alone the fact that no 9 yo needs a phone in the first place.

MardyBra · 12/10/2010 10:56

Year 6 in time for secondary school is the norm for mobiles here.

coolascucumber · 12/10/2010 10:58

No, we have set the age at 11 in our house, they can play out with friends and borrow a phone if I think I need to contact them/ they may need to call home. Y6 is early enough.

scotsmuminengland · 12/10/2010 11:00

My nephew has a mobile but he has no credit in it and it is only for my sister to ring him when he is out at his friends to come home and stuff. She has only recently let him go out with his friends so it is peace of mind really

truffleshuffle · 12/10/2010 11:01

Yanbu. Like you say if you're always with her there's no need.

DandyDan · 12/10/2010 11:03

Our don't get them until they're 13. Absolutely no need.

seeker · 12/10/2010 11:09

I' in two minds about this. My first reaction is that year 7 is a good time for a first phone. HOWEVER - if all her friends really do have them, and she's feeling left out, then I would probably get her one, I think. It's so important to be the same as your friends if you want to be at this age.

What's the reason for not letting her have one? I have lots of things I don't actually need. Actually, thinking about it. I don't actually need a mobile phone myself!

DancingHippoOnAcid · 12/10/2010 11:11

I would agree that, if your DD is not travelling by bus on her own to school, there is no need for a phone before y6.

DD had one from y3 as she was travelling on the school bus and it was needed in emergencies if I was delayed getting to the bus stop or if bus was delayed. Of course it also gets used for texts etc which i find a bit annoying but got a pay as you go and use Vodafone friends and family so she can call me for free. I let her have about £5 credit per month and once that is used, hard cheese.

13 is probably a bit late IMO as, once they are at senior school they will be travelling independently (at leat they should be) so need some way of contacting in an emergency.

Original poster
twirlymum · 12/10/2010 11:16

I would agree that when they start secondary school they can be useful (but don't most schools have a no phone policy?).
I'm torn, because although she feels like she's missing out, I'm not one to give in to peer pressure. It's bad enough with the limos for birthday parties at this age (yes, most of her friends have had these too) and I realise that a phone wouldn't cost that much, but I just think they are too young. They grow up so quickly (yes, I know!).

OP posts:
weblette · 12/10/2010 11:17

YANBU Not mean at all. I especially detest when kids are texting each other rather than talking...

We have the most basic PAYG we could find and have it as the family mobile for the older dcs (10 and 9) to use if they go out anywhere.

When dd goes up to senior school we may get her one, depending on what after-school commitments she has.

Deliaskis · 12/10/2010 11:18

A couple of my older Brownies (so 9 and 10) have them but they both seem to be very conscious that they are only for emergencies, and I think they've been fed horror stories about costs from their parents, as they always look very serious when they say 'yes I have a mobile phone for emergencies but I can't use it for other things because it's VERY expensive' [grave look].

Anyone old enough to be texting friends etc. is old enough to also have a bit of financial responsibility i.e. by contributing to costs out of pocket money, and having set limited credit per month etc.

On the whole I would agree that yr 6-7 is a good time - getting ready for high school when they'll probably be travelling to school alone etc.

D

Pumpkinbummum · 12/10/2010 11:24

my dd1 is 9 and all her friends have a phone, I tell her I didn't get a phone until I was 23 (true),
originally I told her she had to wait until she was 16 but we have now said when she starts secondary as we live in the middle of nowhere and wouldn't want her stranded anywhere!

She now seems quite happy with this, although she now wants a camera for christmas and didn't look too chuffed when I told her I didn't think Santa would bring her one that costs more than mine, she wants a nice trendy coloured oneHmm

DancingHippoOnAcid · 12/10/2010 11:26

Twirly - schools usually specify phones must be switched off and kept zipped in bags during school hours (or kept in school office at the more strict ones) but I have never heard of a senior school completely banning them as most pupils will be travelling to/from school on their own.

seeker · 12/10/2010 12:53

What are people's reasons for not letting their children have phones?

DancingHippoOnAcid · 12/10/2010 13:01

Too easy for younger DCs to lose them, worry about effect of microwave energy on young brains, and not wanting them to be constantly texting their mates!

seeker · 12/10/2010 13:04

Get a really cheap one - then not socu a big deal if lost. They never call, they only text so no issue with fried brains, and why not?

Fennel · 12/10/2010 13:06

I consider it for my 10yo and 9yo dds, because they are pretty free range and sometimes it would be useful to know where they are. When they're out, and I want to go out, but don't know what time they might be back. They can phone me on my mobile, but I can't easily get hold of them.

But, as it happens their friends don't yet have mobiles so they don't feel any peer pressure. And my 10yo is chronically forgetful and would, almost certainly, lose her phone within days. That's my real reason for delaying, she is responsible in terms of looking after herself, but she loses her belongings.
I might get the 9yo one first cos she won't lose it. But she's not asking yet so there's no need to decide for the moment.

Vinegartits · 12/10/2010 13:08

yanbu no need for a child of that age to have a mobile. 'just because all their friends have one' is not a good reason imo, i wont and never have conformed to that excuse with my dc

seeker · 12/10/2010 13:14

"'just because all their friends have one' is not a good reason imo, i wont and never have conformed to that excuse with my dc"

No, I agree, but it's also not a good reason for NOT doing something either. Sometimes it's important to be like your friends - being the odd one out can be horrible.

DancingHippoOnAcid · 12/10/2010 13:17

seeker - Even the cheap ones cost too much to be treated as a child's toy - well I think so anyway.

Vinegartits · 12/10/2010 13:19

i would buy a child a phone just because all their friends have one, i would have to have a good reason to get them one first

same as i wouldnt buy them the latest pair of converse just because all there friends had them, but if they needed new shoes i might consider it. 9 yrs old dont need mobile phones, thats just my opinion

Vinegartits · 12/10/2010 13:21

i mean i wouldnt

Vinegartits · 12/10/2010 13:23

and of course it is important for them to be like their friends, but it is also important to teach them that they can be individuals, and that they dont have to have everything their friends have

some parents cant afford mobile phones, even the cheap ones

god im boring myself now

Deliaskis · 12/10/2010 13:23

seeker, thing is though, you could get a phone, and still be picked on because it's cheap or old fashioned or doesn't have video function on it or whatever. Being the odd one out can be horrible, and as someone who never had the 'right' trainers, I remember that, but learning to deal with that is important too.

I've not been in this position with a DC yet, but I would guess my concern would be that it is an ongoing cost, not a one-off cost (like trainers), of calls/texts as well as things like 'accidentally' subscribing to a ringtone download thing or something, and the high likelihood of it getting lost or nicked, and then it needs to be replaced with a newer cooler one etc. It's just the beginning of a cycle and I can understand people want to put that off for as long as possible. I guess it depends on the 9yr old but for me it would depend on whether I thought they were personally mature and enough to handle the responsibility that goes with it.

Kids can be horrid sometimes can't they? I remember a friend of mine being teased for years about not having a fringe (so was called a slaphead), and then from the moment she got it cut (bo doubt after begging her Mum for ages), getting laughed at for having the wrong kind of fringe. So sometimes it's important to be like your friends, but someties it's just as important to learn to let some of that kind of stuff roll off you.

D

huffythethreadslayer · 12/10/2010 13:26

My dd isn't getting one until she walks home from school on her own. That won't happen til High School...so she can wait til then.

She knows, too, that she's getting the cheapest phone we can get for her. I don't want her to feel left out, but if she has a great phone and loses it, or has it stolen (which has happened on occasion at our secondary school) she'll hate it.

I have to say, though, that most of her friends don't have one, so she isn't put under any pressure. If she was asking, I might reconsider. (weak parent emoticon...maybe with a little PFB/only child emoticon thrown in).

I have told her she can't go on FaceBook, but a lot of her friends are on that as one of their group recently moved to Australia. I keep asking myself if I've made the right decision there and may review it, but for now, I'm sticking to my guns. And she's not asking.

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