...to feel jealous of my little girl?

[BookcaseFullofBooks]

I've been sitting here looking at her as she sleeps and feeling so sad. On one hand I'm terrified for her future but on the other I think that she is very lucky.

She will never experience violence from her parents; never be told she is stupid or good for nothing; never made to feel ashamed.
I just wish I had had the childhood that she will have.

Of course you do.....and that's why she'll have the childhood that she'll have

Ahh.

My deepest wish for my dc was that they would think me and their father boring.

YANBU. And because you feel like that you will give her the best, most loving childhood you possibly can.

Thank you 2blessed. I know what you mean Hullygully. I worry that I will pass on my neuroses to her, but at least she won't suffer through any negligence on our part.

I know what you're saying. But she is so lucky and that means you will be ok too. Watching my mother now trying to help me pick up the pieces of my life is almost as hard as dealing with it myself, if you see what I mean. I think we are doomed to feel our children's pain far more keenly than we feel our own...

I feel that I have to be okay, for her. That has been difficult because I do still have some very dark thoughts about life. When she smiles at me though, just for that moment, I feel amazing.

Hopefully those moments of feeling amazing will help keep the dark thoughts away.

YANBU, being a parent yourself does make you look closely at the shortcomings of your own parents and its completely natural to grieve for what you didn't have. Knowing what you don't want to happen to your own children gives you a sense of purpose and you know you will do a far better job xx

Someone once said to me on becoming a parent, "welcome to a world of worry, fear and sometime terror" somedays you can see his point such as the time when my son was about four and I thought I had "lost him" in a shopping centre, it was only about 30 seconds but I aged a year in that time.

But the good time are very worth it

I've definitely felt that sense of terror about the future and having so much responsibility newwave.

My parents had plenty of shortcomings. I worry about my mother's influence as a grandparent because and doesn't have any boundaries. I feel I have to parent her quite often.

My mother had a tough childhood in many ways. She tried to make up for it by making my / my siblings' childhood 'perfect'. The problem is that she gave us what SHE wanted, rather than allowing us to be ourselves. I always felt I had to be grateful that I wasn't her, and it was a big burden at times.

You won't be like your parents - you aren't them. But you can't be perfect or make things perfect for her either.

I hope you have someone there to give you a hug of reassurance.

Thank you LionsAreScary. I guess I just want her to have a 'normal' childhood compared to the chaos I experienced. I'm reminded of a poem called 'They $@*& you up your mum and dad'. Even without any abuse I will still make mistakes and that's frightening.

My oh is pretty level-headed and gives me lots of hugs and reassurance.