to be really annoyed with DH about his handling of this...

[thecaptaincrocfamily]

Sorry its a bit long!
Yesterday we went swimming with dd1 (4yo) and dd2 (2.8yo). Both were tired when we got back and were squabbling so sent up to sleep for a bit. DD2 keeps getting up (white face and bags under her eyes, hurling books down the stairs). I keep putting her back in bed and sternly say 'stay in bed or no story tonight. I go into the bedroom to study, come down stairs to find DH reading dd2 a story on the settee, even though he knew what I had said .

Tonight he is at college, dds were fighting/ screaming and arguing over a glasses wipe . I had said we could make crowns before bed but instead sent them to bed. DD2 kept getting out of bed so I felt I had to make a point and really shouted at her to deter her from getting up again (hardly ever raise my voice). I feel annoyed because his handling of the situation yesterday led to what happened tonight . She usually goes to bed fine.

I think your DH and you need to sit down and have a discussion about how you discipline your DCs. Otherwise they will continue to run rings around you and life will be very hard!

I feel that children who can see one parent support them when the other parent is being unreasonable grow up knowing that even Mummy and Daddy can make mistakes.

I also don't agree with putting children to bed when they misbehave, as this is not going to make their bed seem like a good place to go.

You asked if you were being unreasonable, I think that you were slightly unreasonable. If you want everyone to agree with you, you should not post in AIBU.

Besom
In this particular situation, it would have been better if the OP's DH had spoken to her first. And I think that they should sit down and talk about if this is completely out of bounds in their family.

TheCptCroc
Be honest. If your DH was being unfair, too strict with your DC, would intervene?

Captaincroc, your dig at callisto was uncalled for, she was simply disagreeing and did not take a dig at you - other posters have but callisto didn't.

I think it is important not to undermine each other, and I think it is ridiculous to assume that a tired child will sleep.

In this situation though I think (if you have described it accurately) that you created confusion, by insisting on a nap for a child who doesn't have one every day, and then threatening a punishment that related to the next bedtime.

I also think that once you went off to study it was your DH's call how he handled the situation from then on.

Battling a 2.5 year old who doesn't want a nap seems a bit pointless when a nice sit down, story and cuddle is also restful.

Sometimes with toddlers it is important not to paint yourself into a corner. From what you describe that is what you had done - dd2 was not going to have that nap from the sounds if things. Your graceful withdrawal and your DH's change of approach was the best outcome :)

Mme - Yes, I agree, that's what I meant.

If it wasn't physical punishment then no, I wouldn't. I would speak to him in private about it. If he was about to hit one then yes, although I know he never would.
Callisto was giving advice about the sleeping when she clearly has a 5yo who doesn't sleep. I don't generally have an issue with sleeping children, both like bedtime generally and both always go to sleep with the exception of dd2 yesterday and tonight.

Obviously some think I am very unreasonable but then I suppose it depends on how you choose to parent as to what you think, but I didn't suppose I was being unreasonable to be expecting dh to carry something through. I didn't leave her tantruming in the afternoon for dh to sort, I kept putting her back because I knew that if she was overtired then evening meal would be hell and it was because dh brought her down stairs. Then she refused to eat at tea time because she was so tired.

OK I concede to being unreasonable Note to self not to back myself into any more corners

Exactly, Callisto was giving advice, not taking a swipe. People who have sleeping children are not the only ones who can give advice and I think the veiled swipe you have just taken at her again is also uncalled for. You're clearly getting a bit overly empotional about all of this and i will now bow out, I have given my thoughts (without taking any swipes at you) so I don't think there is much to be gained from reading as you get more and more angry at those trying to help.

At what point would you have accepted that the child was not going to sleep? Or would you have kept the battle up all afternoon?

Have you thought that your DH might have been trying to help you by reading a story. As you were studying he may have thought "DD isnt going to sleep, she will make a racket and interupt DWs studying, I'll keep her quiet and read her a story"

Just a thought!

Quick I think you are probably right and I am going to bow out there

Oh yes, almost forgot that this was aibu!

No real point in trying to have a reasonable discussion then.

Dont be too hard on yourself thecaptain

We all have times when it all gets too much and we end up shouting!
I did yesterday, it ended with a massive arguement with DH, who is only at home at weekends

We are all human.

Thanks you all for helping me to get my head back out, it was really stuck up their

there!

Is your DH home yet? Good on you for taking all that was said on this thread and looking at it from your DH's POV.

Fwiw, I think that it is really sweet that he sat and read DD2 a story, he sounds lovely.