to not know what to do about my DSs situation

[Kniternator]

I received a phone call from another mother in my son's class this morning. Saying that my DS had been bullying her DS. She has already confronted my DS when he was on his own claiming that he has been saying rude things about her, which he says he hasn't said. I ignored this as I thought she might have not been serious. However she is now saying that my DS is saying other awful things to her DS.

Whilst I understand that DS is not perfect I also think that you can't trust a word that a 7 year old boy says. She has taken everything her DS has said as gospel. Her child is the one who has been the trouble maker since day one.

I am seeing the Headteacher this afternoon but don't know what to say, and don't really want to confront the fact that my DS could be saying these things or bullying this child.

WIBU to suggest that not every child gets on with each other and to stick up for my DS? I've never had to deal with anything like this before.

Help me wise people!

Don't talk to her about it - parents should do all this through the school, not directly with other parents. This is what the Head will tell you. But I would have a quiet word with the class teacher.

I think it takes a lot for a parent to contact another parent about bullying... so I think that there MUST be an element of truth in what she claims.

I went through a simliar situation with my son a year ago and found that the school were of great help. He was 5 at the time, as was the other child.

Did you ask to see the head or did they request to speak to you? I would just make them aware of the situation and they should monitor things.

My DS is now back to being best of friends with the other boy despite it seeming like the end of the world last year!

That is what I'm thinking too, however I can't think why my DS(1) could be doing this. The only thing I can think of is that DS2 has just started school and has intimated that this boy has been hassling him and his friend and I think DS1 is feeling that he needs to wade in and protect them. I just want him to tell me the truth about what has been going on so we can sort it.

I've asked to see the Head as I wanted to get it sorted out through the right channels.

TMoAD -- no, it takes a lot for sensible parents to contact another parent. Some just leap in all guns blazing...

My gentle, kindly neighbour was almost in tears because another parent had phoned her, furious that neighbour's DD had been bullying her child at breaks. My DD (earwigging as ever) shrugged and said 'They like each other really, but E was a bit cross because L [neighbour's child] said she was her friend but not her best friend.'

Some parents overreact, big time.

I know this is hard, and that your instinct is to protect your DS but please go into the meeting with an open mind.

It may be that your DS is telling the truth, it may be her DS who is telling the truth, it may well be a bit of both.

Don't go in with all guns blazing. Wait and see what the headteacher says, if there is any evidence either way and how your DS reacts.

I agree that you should not communicate directly with the other mother, but through the school.

Themother I absolutely disagree that it takes a lot for someone to contact another parent about bullying.

I can think of at least one parent at my DC's infant school who has a terrible reputation for making all sorts of unfounded allegations that various children pick on her child.

The additional fact that she chose to confront a 7 year old before anything else would ring huuuuge alarm bells for me.

OP you need to leave this in the hands of the school. Speak with the HT and I suspect you will find they have a very good idea of where the blame lies and if it is withyour son will help you to deal with this in an appropriate manner.

I'm not really the type to go in for a fight, I am usually the one who goes in and ends up blubbing!

I just find it hard to deal with this stuff as I really like having an easy life. This is all too difficult. God, I wish this parenting thing was easier.

Only you know your son. I knew that what my son was accused of was nonsense (being a bully) but the fallout from the accusations was awful for him. He'd only been in his new class one wk when it all kicked off and he had a terrible time. Other classmates picked on him as they thought he would be the one to get into trouble, another boy accused him of punching him in the face and it was awful. I kept in daily contact with his new class teacher and she was fab. She kept a close eye on him at playtime (or had whoever was supervising watch him), the head called me at home to reassure me they were taking things seriously as I went with the full disclosure of if they could prove what he was accused of then fair enough but I refused to accept what one nasty (and yes he was nasty little boy) started. It all settled down when they all knew they were being monitored and my happy little lad is back!

Show him you're on his side but he must be honest with you. And show the teachers that you accept he may not be an angel but doesn't mean the other kid is either.

You need to get both boys together, with the school would be ideal, in order to get to the bottom of the story.

A neighbours child accused me son of pulling her trousers and pants down, all the way, in another neighbours garden. I spoke to my son about it, and he denied it - I was (understandably) angry with him, but he was resolute that he hadn't done it.

A week later we had a birthday party for my DD. Both were present and I took the opportunity to ask teh other child about it. She was insistent that he did do it. My son denied it and the girl replied 'well, I thought he was going to'. .

I told her she had to tell her mum, and she agreed to do it, but she didn't so I did. Even when her mum approached her about it after I had spoken she still was claiming it was true, until her mum pushed her.

Some kids are compulsive liars. He may still not say the truth while there are adults and your son present, but there is a far stronger chance that he will.

Only a few minutes til I go to school. Wish me luck, I do believe my DH is coming along too. Fingers crossed we can get it sorted out.

Spoke to the Headteacher this afternoon. She has spoken to both boys, apparently my son was oblivious to anything that had gone on. It appears that her DS is jealous of my DS's friendship with his old best friend and is out to get him.

I have spoken to my DS and he has said that he did say the alleged things and is very upset and sorry.

I have contacted the mum and explained and said I'd chat to her tomorrow.

Thank you all for your help and support.

Glad you got it all sorted out, hope there is no more nonsense from the other boy.

Kniternator, perhaps you could ask this mum to speak to an adult in future (either you or a teacher) if she thinks another kid is bullying her DC.

She cannot be sure of her facts and an adult confronting a small child aggressively in this way is bullying in itself.

I would be if a parent confonted my child in that way no matter ehat she thought the DC had done.

I can't understand what the fuss is about. So, this woman is upset because her son tells her that your son said horrible things about her? If that were me, I would tell my son to stop listening to the boy, stop playing with him and move on.

IMO she is giving credence and credibilty to school boy nonsense. She should not have spoken to your son on his own either.

Hope it goes your way, I know about the desire for an easy life.