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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

time off for a sick child

49 replies

gardeningmum05 · 11/10/2010 12:11

my youngest of 4 has diarrhea this morning so the nursery wont take him and frankly i want to look after him so i had to phone in work and tell them. my boss was really funny with me as its the 3rd time in 8 weeks i have to take a day off. i work 3 days a week and will make the time up when hubby home in the evening.
i do over and above my duties at work, never take a break and feel pissed off at him to be honest.
i have no family support to call on , always take this time when they are poorly as holiday, so why does he feel its ok to swear at me! does he think i would prefer to be at home covered in toddler shit rather than in my cosy office!
unlike him i dont have a stay at home wife sitting on her arse with 2 grown up kids .
there.thats better

OP posts:
pookamoo · 11/10/2010 12:13
Sad Hope your DC is better soon. Nothing else to add except I agree with you! Grin
SparklyJules · 11/10/2010 12:13

He swore at you?!

What exactly did he say?

I think you need to report him to HIS manager for such appalling behaviour.

It's your loss if you stay at home to look after your sick child, I'm in the same boat as you (no family for 100s of miles) and God knows how many days holiday/unpaid I've had to take to look after them.

Humph - I'm cross on your behalf Angry

upahill · 11/10/2010 12:14

What's your DH reason for not taking an annual leave day gardening?

bubbleOseven · 11/10/2010 12:16

It's your dh's turn to stay off with sick kids now surely?

Original poster
gardeningmum05 · 11/10/2010 12:26

my dh doesnt get paid for sick day or a day off, and to be honest we cant afford him to take a day off, at least i get holiday pay.
i dont book weeks off work on holiday, just save it for when one of the children are poorly. to be honest.
offered to do work at home, but boss said he was too busy to sort it out..really pissed off to be honest. i work my socks off at work yet they seem to favour the lazy bastards who take hour breaks!!its bloody hard bringing up 4 children, a dh who works a minimum 12 hour day and working!
my bosses wife sits on her arse all day with 2 grown up children!

OP posts:
Tangle · 11/10/2010 12:30

Both you and your DH are legally entitled to take up to 13 weeks of (unpaid) parental leave of the first 5 years of your DC's life - see here.

I would say your boss is being highly unreasonable to swear at you and also that you should reconsider the way you handle these situations - if you are making up the hours in your own time, how are you being recompensed for this? If you are doing the hours regardless then you're using a flexible working pattern to fulfill your duties. If you're taking leave then they shouldn't expect you to do the work as well.

I'd document exactly what he said, and then ask for a meeting (not just with him, or possibly even better without him at all) and use this incident to leverage a better solution for everyone to what will almost certainly be an recurring scenario for the foreseeable future

CerealOffender · 11/10/2010 12:35

you have to give your employer notice to take parental leave. it isn't really any good for this sort of situation.

fedupofnamechanging · 11/10/2010 12:36

I think the answer to this is to first of all make a formal complaint to his boss regarding the way he spoke to you. That is totally unacceptable behaviour and if you let it slide he will continue to treat you this way. Keep your complaint brief, polite and explain that you have taken the day off as holiday.

Secondly, I would start to take my breaks at work and take further time off as perntal leave rather than holiday. Your boss doesn't appreciate your efforts so you might as well suit yourself in future.

Original poster
gardeningmum05 · 11/10/2010 12:37

unfortunately, unpaid leave isnt an option open to us.
even though i work for one of the largest retailers in the country, they are not so 'good' as they make out on the t.v.
put it this way, when my daughter died at 2 weeks old i wasnt told i was still entitled to maternity leave, hence i went back after a month, had to take time off as i couldnt cope, and eventually called in to a meeting to inform me i was letting everyone down as i wasnt the happy bubbly person i was before her death!
they even changed my job during the time i took off from when she was born to when i returned after her funeral.

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 11/10/2010 12:37

perntal should say parental. Must read before posting

TattyDevine · 11/10/2010 12:38

That's the 2nd time you have mentioned your bosses wife.

Whether she chooses to work or not is irrelevant.

Your boss should behave properly towards you, but it has nothing to do with how his wife chooses to spend her time.

If he lacks empathy, he probably would anyway, but its not his wife's fault.

You reek of jealousy and bitterness with comments like that! Just because someone chooses not to work, does not mean they are sitting on their arse, or lazy for that matter.

YABU for that alone.

fedupofnamechanging · 11/10/2010 12:40

Very sorry to hear about your daughter. Your employers sound awful. So Sad for you.

Given what you've said here, I really do think that you have to make things a bit more formal, documenting the appalling way they have behaved towards you.

coolma · 11/10/2010 12:40

I am incredibly lucky - we actually get paid 'dependancy' if we need a day off with sick children. I've only ever taken one (touchwood) but we get up to 5, or more at directors discretion...

Blu · 11/10/2010 12:42

Sympathies re sick child.

But although it was out of order to swear, it can't be easy runnning a business aorund employees who take leave with no notice. I appreciate that you take it as holiday, but most holiday leave is taken when having been planne and approved in advance. It's yours and your DH's decision, for your own benefit, that YOU always take the last minute emergency sick days, but again, see this from your bosses pov.

When you get back, ask for a meeting, and suggest that you present your hours over a month on a timesheet demonstrating how many hours you work (incl lack of breaks) and monitor it fo a couple of months, and get him to cnfir that he is happy with your flexible work pattern - and appreciates that you do work hard and do the hours. But reliability, as well as the hours, are important in most jobs. FWIW I think it IS unreasonable that your DH doesn't share some of the emergency days. It's a challenge of being a woh parent. And it perpetuates the situation that men's jobs are more important and women drop it all and leave.

I hipe your poor boy recovers soon.

ReadMyLips · 11/10/2010 12:42

Hello, have a look at this
You're entitled to 'reasonable' emergency time off to look after dependents and you don't have to give notice.
Your employer does not have to pay you, but it would be worth checking where there's a policy in place as some employers offer a certain number of 'carer's leave' days that are paid (mine offers 6 per annum).
Swearing at you is completely unacceptable and you do need to keep a record of things like that, but also to let it be known that you do not accept such conduct. Definitely discuss it with him and HR so that a marker is laid down.
If you're making up the time, then you should definitely NOT be using your holiday time. I am not sure about this next bit, so see if you can attract a MN employment lawyer to check, but if you have previously used holiday for things like this, I am fairly sure that you could can claim it back - ie change the status of the leave from holiday to 'carer's leave' or emergency leave or whatever.
You certainly can do this if you fall ill during holiday time - you can give notice of illness in the normal way and 'change' your holiday to sick leave. Most people don't bother, but you can if you want to.

fedupofnamechanging · 11/10/2010 12:42

tatty I think the OP mentions her bosses wife because it highlights the fact that he has support at home, so no empathy with her situation.

Blu · 11/10/2010 12:44

OK, sorry. x-posted with your post about the terrible situation after the loss of your dd.

It sounds as if the management in your partcular office is pretty ad hoc, and it would be better if everything was more formally understoo and agreed. Hope you can get some sense out of them. Would it help to involve HR?

ReadMyLips · 11/10/2010 12:45

x-post regarding your daughter. I am so very sorry and also sorry that your work did not support you. How utterly horrible of them. Sad

Original poster
gardeningmum05 · 11/10/2010 12:47

thankyou tatty, thats exactly why i mentioned it, he has no concept at having to take time off for a sick child, he is lucky enough to leave that to his wife.
my company does not offer me carers leave, what angers me is if i lied and told them i was sick i would get paid, because i am honest and say its 1 of the children i have to take holiday and a nasty attitude...cant win

OP posts:
Original poster
gardeningmum05 · 11/10/2010 12:51

blu..it was hr that told me i was being unreasonable not being the bubbly person 4 weeks after my daughters death! they advised me to ask for a sick note from my doctor, said they would come round and see me before i came back work,never heard from them them since......5 years on

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 11/10/2010 13:10

No, if that was the reason you would have simply said he has support at home. Instead you mention, twice that she "sits on her arse".

That is very rude, and you sound bitter and jealous because of it, which I think you probably are.

redskyatnight · 11/10/2010 13:12

It's not ok to swear at you. But also I understand that it's difficult to cover for someone who doesn't come in at short notice. The fact you use holiday days to cover it is not the point really - normally you would get holiday agreed in advance- yes?

I work in an ofice with someone who is (personally) sick a lot and even if it's just a case of working out what he had on today and then not doing it, it does throw more work onto your manager/colleagues.

I know that you can't plan in advance for your DC being ill but I think you need to think about more contingency for this than just you taking a day off each time e.g. DH should take a day off, ask a friend. Can you go into the office (while DH watches DD) and agree with your manager what you need to be there to sort out and what you can do at home. So flexible working but showing a little more appreciation of the needs of the office.

What will you do if your DD is still ill tomorrow? I think you should spend the afternoon working out a plan.

Original poster
gardeningmum05 · 11/10/2010 13:21

wot plan..no family DH doesnt get paid! just unfortunate had to have 3 days with sick children
we dont all have a familt to help us!

OP posts:
upahill · 11/10/2010 13:31

gardenignmum.

My DH is self employed so we are in the same boat. No work no pay.

However it is part of family life of rubbing along and sharing things together and taking the rough with the smooth.

When DS1 was poorly years ago we looked at when DH was going to be the most quiet in the week and worked round that. Admittedly there is never a good time but if you are getting grief from work the burden of care has to be shared.

Things are different with me atm because my employer is sympathetic so I can do all the emergency dashes but it wasn't always the case.

Serendippy · 11/10/2010 13:34

Whether or not your boss will take your hours worked over and above into account depends entirely on the job you do. If they have to call in someone to cover you and pay them, flexitime working is not an option.

I know that when friends of mine have applied for jobs, bosses at interview have asked whether they had strategies in place for dealing with sick children, eg grandparents etc to avoid exactly this situation.

Does you post need covering while you are absent?

Sorry for the hard time you have had.