To feel lonely when my husband works 6/7 day weeks.

[JenM78]

Is it selfish to feel lonely with two kids. Spend every fri and sat without my other half. Occasionally see friends but they are busy with their own families. Husband sometimes has sundays off , but because he works really long hours, he sleeps until midday and by the time he gets up the day is half gone. should i just shut up and get on with it. fed up of feeling low about it. :(

yanbu. I'm on my own anyway so there's no one else 7 days a week. I also work in the worlds least chatty office so have no proper adult conversation for weeks at a time.

I MN a lot.

My husband used to work 2 jobs to keep our little family going, I can only work 2 and half day because of our children and nursery fees are so expensive, although it was so lonely when kids were in bed I felt so proud that he was working his bum off to support us, thankfully he has 1 job he loves now with better pay and doesn't need both anymore.

We did get to a point where he was so tired I was thinking about getting an evening Job in a supermarket or pub to top up my day job, giving him a break and sometime with the children. Why don't you try that and at least it'll be a change of scenery for you?

Soupy, I did not know that!

YANBU...but... My DH works away from home usually Mon-Fri but sometimes goes overseas. His job is very stressful (PVC of a university) but he earns good money. He loves what he does too. I used to work but was made redundant and find myself alone at home whilst kids are at school. I was very lonely at the start but made a point to enjoy my own company and do stuff I enjoy like sewing, reading and knitting. I am also decluttering my house. I am slowly meeting up with old friends (have two coffee mornings this week ) and am also starting my own business. I enjoy being with my children (15 and 12) and we laugh a lot and have fun in the evenings.

I felt resentful of DH working so hard and for such long hours but then thought to myself, silly moo! He is doing this for our family and so that I do not need to work for a while and can stay home with the children. My focus is on trying to have a tidy and clean house for the weekends when he is home and stable happy children. And we do stuff as a family at the weekends. I have good friends that I MSN regularly and that has been a lifeline to me.

I think you should not tell him how lonely you are. Suck it up and do something to help yourself cope with this situation.

Ok in as far as supporting my husband, i have given him as much support as i can over the last few years. I am far from 'needy' . I have plenty to occupy me in the day, do alot of childcare afterschool for friends and my H is not home until 10pm most nights and gone by 4am the following day, so there is no catch up time in the week at all, to tell him about the kids. Fri /sat he works and Sunday he is asleep until 12pm and tired and normally in bed by 7pm.

So as much as i am lucky to havee such a hard working H, I also work hard , dont think that to have some adult conversation with my H is being needy??

plus, i did not say that i off loaded onto him did I??? I thought mums net was about offering. and thought i would be able to off load on to 'mumsnet' without being told to suck it up! that is what i am already doing.

and readinginsteadnow, I thank you for your way of thinking. :)

Well you did say in your OP 'should you shut up and get on with it' and I think yes you probably should :o

But that isn't to say that you're unreasonable to feel lonely. Talk crap on here - that's what I do

headlessladybiscuit.grin

:0

YANBU xx

YANBU - it must be incredibly hard and presumably not what you thought you were signing up for. :( Big hugs.

I agree alpine pony. :(

My DH works shifts and will be either sleeping or working. I also work full time and feel so lonely. It is no one's fault just hard to juggle family life, scocial life, caree and a relationship it is hard. My DH has thankfully just had the kick up the arse to get out even just for a couple of hours together 1 a week. This has been heaven. Why not try if possible get some one to have the kids and get out with the other half even just for a hour or so. It will make a world of differnce.

thanks heather. :)

I apologise JenM78. I did not mean to upset you with my comment. I guess from what you wrote about your situation, I think your DH might find it hard to have to deal with your loneliness etc when he is working so hard. I have been quite tempted to tell my DH how pissed off I am that he is never around in the week for the children and misses out on a lot of stuff.

However, I know that it would hurt him as he is working hard for the family. I realised this and told myself "to suck it up, princess" and get on with things. I just know, in my situation, that telling DH I was bored, fed up and lonely would NOT go down well when he is working very long days and doing so much travel.

I'm not sure now what answers you wanted - if you want sympathy. don't ask if you're being unreasonable - post in chat.

You didn;t say you wanted to offload here (my worsing not yours) you asked if you were being unreasonable to feel lonley and the general consensus (including me) is that No, you're not unreasonable to feel lonely. Then in your OP you ask if you should just shut up and get on with it and when many of us say "well yes actually unless there is something constructive you can do then you should" then you have a problem with it.

You already acknowledge that your DH feels guilty if you tell him you feel lonely so why do it - unless you have a cunning plan to change things why would you put him in that position? WOuld it be OK if he said to you how lonely he feels not being part of the family much and how tired he is and how he has no life outside of work.

If its just sympathy you want I sympathise, but I needn't have spent time typing all my previous posts if I'd known that up front.

I too am feeling grumpy hence slightly terse posting as I have no-one to discuss DS with 24/7, every day, all year, forever. Mostly thats fine but sometimes the relentlessness of it is a tad difficult.

Can't you get DH to call you on his way home for a chat?

I know my DH along with my kids are the best things in my life. Just wish we could spencd more time together. Gonna try and take a different outlook and put things in perspective that i have two beautiful healthy DC. Did not want sympathy , just really wanted to know if other people felt lonely or was it me be unreasonable. do other people feel the same, and by the look at all of your answers I am not alone. so to all those ladies out there who feel like me, anytime you want a chat feel free. might alleivate the loneliness !!

Yanbu but if you need the money niether can you expect your husband to stop working. Mine works the same hours and tbh I have just started to expect him not to be around. It's weird because he works in the house so people keep telling me how lucky i am but the fact is that unless I go stand next to his desk with a couple of babies in tow ( which wouldn't be ideal for anyone! ) I see him maybe half an hour at the end of the day as he gets ready for bed.

It is lonely especially as we just moved and left my family and friends hundreds of miles away - hence a dramatic increase in my mumsnetting! I keep being told to go to toddler groups but i haven't got that desperate yet although maybe in a few months I will have

Fernie3, hope you start to make some new friends and settle into your new life. Give the toddler groups a go, you never know you might be a really nice friend. And the change of scenary can help . I think being a mum in the early years is particularly lonely, especially if your husband works the same hours as mine. Its funny I didnt realise until i posted this thread how many DH work such long hours. Most of my friends H work 9-5pm mon-fri to I was feeling hard done by , but dont feel quite so alone now.