to think that you aren't obliged to form a relationship with a chid you've given up for adoption

[Northernlurker]

Aplohies this is from the Daily Mail but I think it raises some interesting questions.

Susan Jameson has been honest with her daughter about her son's existence, she's given him medical information and told him who his father is but she doesn't want to try and turn back the clock for fifty years and I can understand that. Or does biology oblige one?

(All that aside - selling his story to the Mail is a deeply unclassy thing to do!)

Heh heh heh Crackfox - you mean Rodney Bewes. Yes, he does .

He looks like a composite picture of every 60s actor, frankly. Lovejoy anyone?
Glad to see someone adopted thinks he is whiny and bitter.

Presumably you can blame his birth mother and father for how he looks

Wasn't he named after his father?
So we're looking for a well known British actor who has starred with Susan Jameson before and is called Nigel...there aren't that many :)

Ah bum. Sorry - reread article. She gave him his father's name but he was originally called Mark.

Famous TV actors of that age called Mark anyone?

I think it means that she has told him who is father is.

I agree with SGB and CCF.

As for having an obligation to him because she gave birth to him, does that mean surrogate mothers have an obligation to any child they give birth to.

According to Wikipedia..."The Abortion Act 1967 is an Act of the Parliament of the United Kingdom legalising abortions by registered practitioners, and regulating the free provision of such medical practices through the National Health Service (NHS).

It was introduced by David Steel as a Private Member's Bill, but was backed by the government, and after a heated debate and a free vote was passed on 27 October 1967, coming into effect on 27 April 1968."

So she didn't have much choice but to give birth to him.

CA: I always forget how old I am and that younger people don't necessarily know that you couldn't get a legal abortion till 68. (I was born in 64). Of course, there were 'Vera Drakes' and a few sympathetic doctors who would perform a discreet abortion for a fee, but a young single woman without much money might not be able to access such help in time, particularly if she was either a bit ignorant about her own body and didn't realise she was PG, or had no wealthy or knowledgeable family/friends to turn to.
WOmen and girls were also told that having their babies adopted was the 'right' thing to do, that the babies would go to loving families etc - to an extent this was true (my family are brilliant, for instance), there were a lot of couples desperate to adopt partly because fertility treatments were a lot less advanced...
People who were adopted are just people, there's not distinguishing mark about us, and we are as likely to have had good/shitty upbringings as people who were raised by one or both their bioparents. Some adopted people do seem to blame everything that's wrong in their lives on the fact of their adoption, but they are usually whinyarses.

Oh its shrinking cap man

Personally I feel really sorry for him. He must feel he has been rejected twice by the person society teaches us should love us the most.

The meeting probably gave him hope that she was interested in him, but then clearly wasn't.

Sorry,don't agree,as an adopted 50 year old(i was six weeks old when i went home with my parents)i firmly believe that the family i grew up with are my REAL family...i have never felt rejected by the woman who gave birth to me....i have NO idea of her circumstances at the the i was conceived and born....i hope she went on to have a happy and fulfilled life with a partner and children if that was what she wanted.......SGB.....very well put re good/shitty upbringings.....some adopted people DO set themselves up for a fall....the 'son' said how he'd been the result of a drunken one night stand,and how it didn't make him feel very good about himself.......well,i've had one or two of those but was lucky enough not to get pregnant,.....i bet most children in the world are NOT lovingly planned,and that's not to say they're not wanted either.

Also,'the person society teaches us should love us most',......my Mum does still love me the most because she wanted me the most and she brought me up knowing that she was/is my Mother.

Yes but not everyone can feel that way. This man clearly feels the need to bond with his biological Mother, as many adopted people do.

He didn't say being the result of a one night stand upset him, but that his Mother really regretted it!

In my experience of adopted people....myself,my DB and a good friend...we have all had good lives and love our families no differently to people who are not adopted...it's a shame he feels this way but there's no happy answer...people who are not adopted and get given a shitty hand have to just get on with it and can't go looking for a happy ending....If the woman who gave birth to him doesn't want a relationship then he has to accept that.......there are tons of reasons why chidren get adopted,including when the Mother has been raped......i think you need to be careful what you ask for...you may not like what you hear.

I was brought up by parents who told me that they had chosen me, thatI was special to them so I always felt sure that I was loved (this may be why I have never bothered to trace the biofamily. I am curious about them, intermittently, but never enough to take any steps..) Some natural parents are horrible to their DC. FFS some kill their DC, so a little less sentimental glop about bioparents being 'naturally' the ones who love you best, eh?

people can be adopted, be very happy with their family, love them just as much as anyone else an still feel the need to know more about their birth family. It isn't mutually exclusive.

And there's no pointsaying that birth children who have a shitty hand can;t look for a happy ending elsewhere, because whilst true, it doesn;t change the fact that rightly or wrongly chidlrne who were adopted do have the possibilty in their own mind of a second go with a different family.

However I do agree with you "i think you need to be careful what you ask for...you may not like what you hear" which is why it is so important to have counselling when embarking upon a birth parent search and use an intermediary of possible.

Although many adopted childrne are raised with the "your birth mother loved you so much she wanted better for you" and therefore expect her to be thrilled when they make contact. In many cases it isn;t true and even if it was true at teh time, feelings may be different afetr a lifetime of repressing them.

Couldn't agree more.....other people do sometimes get so soppy about birth families.....i was 'specially chosen' too and never doubted it for a minute......My Mum is the best Grandma my DCS could have had......lucky?...me?...YES.....i too have been curious,but not in that i'd want to meet them or get to know them but i watch programmes like 'Who do you think you are?'...and i'd like to know what my ancestors did for a living!!!

MD: But loads of people who grew up with their biofamilies don't know much about their ancestors. And sometimes, digging can give you an appalling shock (great grandfather was a murderer, one of your cousins is a sisterbaby and therefore ageneration out, all sorts.)
I have recently been idly speculating about whether or not I'm Scottish, forget what triggered it off. It used to be a case of whether or not my biofather was a Famous Rock Star... I think I don;t search because the truth is likely to be so much less interesting than my speculations

Hi SolidButShambling....i always thought my Dad was Mick Jagger!!!(well,in my dreams) i know people don't always know much about their ancestors,but i always loved History at school and still do now...i woudn't care if they were 'wrong 'un's',but i'd like to know if they were from a different culture,or anything really.....a murderer wouldn't be great but it wouldn't be MY fault if he was......i think people who grow up with their 'biofamilies' aren't always interested because they think they know enough already....

"Also,'the person society teaches us should love us most',......my Mum does still love me the most because she wanted me the most and she brought me up knowing that she was/is my Mother."

As an adoptive mum, your comment brought a lump to my throat. Thank you, Moral Defective and SGB for your contributions to this thread - much appreciated.

The article says his birth name was Mark.

the article and thread are 4 years old!

Oh my gosh!