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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think DH's concern over inheritance is crass

20 replies

ValentinCrimble · 10/10/2010 21:37

I must begin by saying that DH has one sibling, a sister who is now 40 and she lives with her Father (my DH's Father) .... DH's parents are divorced and his Mum lives in her own house...all very nice and affable.

DH's Dad recently drew up a will which splits his considerable estate by half..DH and his Sister are the sole heirs. DH says his sister keeps "saying things" since this Will came about...saying that she will never leave her Fathers house and DH can shut up and put up...she will keep telling DH her plans for the house and grounds in the future...she does it when others are present.

DH is upset that she appears to be laying claim to the house when their Dad is still alive..it seems crass. Also he worries that she won't leave when the time comes...she has been there for over 6 years now. I told him to forget it all...his Dad IS alive...and that his Sister may just be feeling upset at the prospect of change due to the appearance of a Will and so is reacting. She has no savings and is still in and out of jobs.

I say we forget it all...get on with life...but he wants to have a talk with her...I think this is just as crass as her behaviour...nothng could come of her threats anyway...I know his concern is that our DC's could benefit from the sale of the house...but I don't give a hoot...I actually would not care if she DID kick up a stink and stay there...I think it will come out in the wash but he keeps worrying about it and stressing. So wo is BU?

OP posts:

newwave · 10/10/2010 21:44

If she is over 18 it wont matter what she wants as he can insist on his share of the estate. Maybe he is worrying about his sister manipulating his Father

Original poster

ValentinCrimble · 10/10/2010 21:46

Oh newwave...I never thought about it like that!

OP posts:

curlymama · 10/10/2010 21:48

Is your Fil even likely to go any time soon?

If he is still fit and healthy it may be worth leaving it, as alot could change in the next few years. What if your sil meets someone and wants to move out anyway?

But I do see where your DH is coming from, and it's his family so I think ultimately, it's up to him if he wants to talk to his sister about it. And it would be best in the long run to have a clear iidea of what your fil's wishes really are, because if it ended up to be too late to ask him, you may regret it.

I can see why you think it's crass to talk about it, but maybe your Dh and his father would feel better knowing that plans for after his death are dealt with. Feuds after a death in the family are a common occurrance, which is very sad, and imo, much more crass than being able to sort out the details before it's too late.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 10/10/2010 21:51

Maybe your DH should get some legal advice as to what would happen if his DSis is still in the house when the will comes into affect. It might mean that there's nothing to worry about anyway if the house has to be sold or she has to buy your DH out. Or if there is a potential issue, he's got time to chat to his dad about it and have his dad clarify exactly what he (the dad) wants to happen.

Personally, I'd be okay with DBro living in mum's house after she's gone (he doesn't by the way... but if he did). However if we needed the money, then I would expect the house to be sold or DBro to buy me out. Afterall, mum is leaving it to both of us, not just DBro.

Original poster

ValentinCrimble · 10/10/2010 21:52

Well his Dad has already made his wishes clear...his health is ok...he has had some issues which may have brought the will on.

OP posts:

YanknCock · 10/10/2010 21:52

Agree with you OP, your DH shouldn't be drawn into fighting about this with his sister now. It is crass, especially as his dad is still alive.

If he carries on, perhaps you could present it to him this way: His sister wants to goad him, but if he leaves it alone now, then she won't push their dad to leave her more if she thinks she'll get her way after he's gone. So in your DH's (and your DC's) best interests not to challenge her at this point.

Porcelain · 10/10/2010 21:53

Unless she is trying to get the will changed I wouldn't worry.

It is horribly crass of her. Fighting over inheritance is pretty off after someone's death, doing so before is horrible.

My fil sat us down and told us all about the best selling points for his house (he was terminal at the time). We smiled and nodded and didn't let on that we planned to renovate, rent out and move on after a few years as it would've been insensitive.

bigchris · 10/10/2010 21:55

Well your fil might need to sell the house to pay for a care home in the future so neither of them would get the house if that happened

Original poster

ValentinCrimble · 10/10/2010 21:56

Yes....horrbly crass....poor FIL! It won't have escaped his notice either! I will tell him what you sad YanknCock...

OP posts:

Original poster

ValentinCrimble · 10/10/2010 22:00

Lol BigChris! That would sort it...except no...he has that tied up too...it's all been set aside in case it's needed.

OP posts:

Hedgeblunder · 10/10/2010 22:02

Horrible on both sides I think- I absolutely hate people counting up their relatives cash. I've told my mum and dad to spend it all, they both did without inheritances and they are wonderful people and I'd rather have a good photograph of us then spend their hard earned on a new kitchen.
Tell your dh to ignore ignore ignore and tell him you don't want to hear another word about it. He should be enjoying the time he has with his sister and father

Xenia · 10/10/2010 22:04

Worth making it clear that when the time comes she will be free to buy him out and may be get a full time job now and save money so that she has a pot of money to buy him out when the time comes.

Original poster

ValentinCrimble · 10/10/2010 22:07

Hedgeblunder and Xenia.....my point exactly...I am glad people think as I do...hedge I also told my Mum to spend it all...and she is in the process of doing that as we speak...she's so much better off now.

OP posts:

Lavitabellissima · 10/10/2010 22:11

Another thing to note is inheritance tax, unless the house is already in your DH & SIL's names, they will probably need to sell the house to pay this unless FIL has other assets to cover it. 40% of his estate goes to the treasury afaik

ivykaty44 · 10/10/2010 22:12

your FIL could change his will ten times over, the only thing that your dh needs to know is which solcitor your FIl used to write his will

then when the FIL dies you get it sorte then

your SIL could dei before the FIL foro all we know and it isn't then even an issue

no point in doing anything until the death has taken place

perhaps the sister is worryed about losing her home

Lavitabellissima · 10/10/2010 22:13

I won't get anything off my parents and think I'm better off for it. My SIL is always making comments about MIL's future death, we don't comment or rise to her about it. I'd rather have my MIL (she's lovely) than any sort of inheritance.

tweetymum · 10/10/2010 22:15

You're NBU OP. My grandma made a living will and has regretted it ever since, as its caused endless feuds in the family.

I told my mum and dad straight out that I would much rather have them spend the money to come and visit me and sis and their grandkids (we both live a fair ways away) than hoard it away 'for us'.

Your SIL is being even more crass, if I may say so though.

Original poster

ValentinCrimble · 10/10/2010 22:24

Yes she is tweetymum...but I kind of forgive her...she has had some troubles. I will ask DH not to discuss it with me I think. It depresses me.

OP posts:

Xenia · 10/10/2010 22:25

A luving will is about wanting to be put out of your miser or not as you get older, not a will you make whilst still alive. Every will is maed whilst you're alive.

IHT is a good point. If the house is worth a lot then it may have be sold to pay 40% IHT. The father should really take some tax advice on that now as IHT is in effect a voluntary tax on the stupid and he can ensure that 40% is not given back to the state if he has any sense.

tweetymum · 10/10/2010 22:37

Xenia, we called it a 'living will' as she wanted her assets divided up and handed out to her kids when she was still alive, not after her death, iyswim. I realise that all wills are made when people are still alive...

FWIW, she's in excellent health at 93, and is being looked after by my dad (who benefited the least out of her will, incidentally).

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