to complain to school about this?

[SanctiMoanyArse]

DS1 (and ds3 but he is not in question here) has Aspergers. In his case it makes him aggressive and controlling; so much so that in the past eyar he has been allocated a TA at all unsupervised times. It took me eyars to fight for this. DS2 has a horrid time of it at school, ds1 has scared all of his friends away now and his only social choice seems to be to act as DS1's hechman. He's actually a gentle and kind eprson (from school report not just mummy opinion!) and we are looking to remedy this by getting ds1 a placement in an AS unit so tehya re separate through comp.

A year ago I had a knock at my door; a school dad saying that DS1 had threatened to stab his son (exact terminology ds1 used at the time so certain it happened). had rather a go at me- WHAT are you going to, How are you going to punish him etc. I explained I woudl talk to DH to formulate a punishment as ds1 had AS so it could be ahrd to find a way to get through, but one would certainly be forthcoming (and it was). Dad also demanded the return of a toy that he said ds1 had menaced from their son; that was duly returned. dad asked me when I was planning to tell school about ds1's AS< I said he in fact had a statement and if they had any issues he would have to speak to them as we had been fighting for extra supervision for eyars and would welcome the help; he said he would do so.

When DH returned home it transpired returned toy was in fact one that DH bought ds2 at the weekend, only a small collection thing, and I had duly been conned over that. Unfortuantely, whsilt we live on the school run, Dad doesn't so we couldn;t go bang on his dfoor as we don't know where it is, and dad doesn;' do school pick up so it faded away.

Just found out dad has been hired bys chool to take over ds2's class next term for amternity elave. He is also being used to cover the time out group ds1 attends at lunchtime.

I am not suggesting they unhire him but feel that ds2 should probably be moved from a class he is deeply unhappy in anyway (so unhappy that he hs picked a hole in his face and on antibiotics and antifungal cream as we speak).

We have a history of angry dad's confronting us, so this dad's visit caused me quite a bit of upset (the time before I;d been shouted at horribly with more-severe ds3 hanging off me scared) and I don;t think I could actually go into him for aprent's evenings now fpor fear of a panic attack etc.

School were aware of this issue with this dad. I made sure of it.

I wouldn't complain as such but i would certainly remind them that there HAVE been issues in the past -am sure they will be supportive.

They don't do supportive- this is the school that pulled all reading help so tehy could blow the budget on candles for RE. And that I had to fight to get a non verbal wet ASD child any help.

Academically outstanding, yes; supportive not a chance.

Lordy - why would they hire someone that threatening?

As a teacher? or a TA?

Like Sassybeast says - tell them there's been history and ds is properly anxious about it. Then, if they insist on not moving him and things go downhill you would have covered yourself at least - in fact, maybe put it in writing.

so this dad is a teacher and he didn't deal with a school problem through school I'm not surprised you're having reservations. Is the head approachable for a quiet chat and a reminder of what happened?

Teacher, I thought he might be one as he clearly understood what a statement was (most people who yell at us do not)

I would tell the school there is a conflicts of interests with this teacher so he shouldn't be teaching any of your dc?

I wouldn;t go in and make a formal complaint; just a quick chat sort of thing..... would start by triple confirming what the boys ahve said (it's Mr X on the note but I never put 2 and 2 together tbh)

The outside of school thing is a good issue actually- doesn;t show proper following of guidelines does it?

Head not exactly approachable (to put it mildly) but I ahve earned a few brownie points this term and dep head is helpful.

It's deeply unprofessional in fact, Sancti.

That's def. not what is expected of a teacher, even with 'parent hat' on, I'm afraid.

(as a parent and teacher you need to be utterly, utterly scrupulous in your dealings with other local parents, esp. with a view to teaching in the catchment - teaching in your catchment is very tricky)

I hope things get better for your poor sons soon...is there any other alternative for DS 1 that you could consider? Home education? e sounds so bloody unhappy and I really hated to read about him picking his face...is it dong him any GOOD going to that school?

Ds2 (technically NT, went on SEN reg for a month but then school changed their minds with the budget cut and said he ahd recovered) is theone who picks his face;ds3 is elsewhere and thriving. Guess which school is uber popular? Go figure....

Yes there is another school; I would move ds2 as actually ds1 has wrecked his chances of achieving anything, a nine year old boy without a friend who plays ever is a sad thing indeed. LAst one though was reduced to a wreck by ds1 (in fairness, ds1 has a similar effect on us all and we are dealing with that as best we can). Plus, ds1 is in year 6 and has a full compliment of TA's etc sorted.

I need to solve this soon as ds4 is due to start his pre-school year next September (here that's done at a nursery attahced to the school) so I need him to be wherever ds2 is.

Poor DS 2....things may improve when DS1 leaves....I really feel for you ...must be very tough.

It's normal for us, but thanks anyway. it's amazing hoq quickly different scebnarios become one's norm.

personally i think i would look to move ds2 to another school asap as there is still time for him to then make friends and feel more comfortable when moving up to high school and this would also eliminate the problem with the teacher but i guess it depends how full local schools are and the practicalities of dropping kids off at different schools etc. wish i could give you better advice but my ds is only nearly five he has autism but is my only child

how would ds2 feel about being moved? Does sound like the preferable option at the moment. What do you feel about ds1s time out group, the teacher doesn't sound the most appropriate person to be running it.

Well, ds2 says absolutely no to being in this class; the locl school does often have vacancies as whilt it is better than the one nearest us IMVHO, it is not as 'trendy' IYSWIM, as it is in a council estate. Doesn;t bother me though- we just went to the one LEA sent us to when we moved here mid school year. However, ds2's old best friend is in the other class so he'd be better there (they did a wierd class mixing thing when they went up to Juniors that meant only one of ds2's friends and the child who'd been bullying him went to that class; the child whow as his friend switched classes to be with his sister so ds2 was left with class bully)

As for time out group that's not a problem as we have already been given an axe (OK, feathery stick ) to wield tehre as it seems they are using ds1's dedicated lunch TA to run the group and preventing him playing out which was never the LEA intention.

i would go to see the head and re tell the about the incident and insist that your son does not have this man as his teacher/ta
there is no way I would allow it considering the way he behaved.

Thanks 2shoes

DS2 has massively gone down in terms of general happiness in the past year; it is definitely time I stepped in.

If nothing else, i think having the ds's tiy removed shows he has an inability to take his son's words objectively, and as his son is in the year- er no.

I would stand my ground and say no way, even if it meant my son being moved to another class

I would tell school exactly what happened. Teachers should not be going to people's doors and behaving in such a threatening manner. Disgraceful behaviour.