To feel like this?

[grapeandlemon]

I don't normally brave this section but I want honesty so here goes.

In Jan I joined a tennis club who a lady let's call her N I got on with extremely well introduced me. They were all really friendly but obviously had the bond with this one particular Mum N. We meet every month and then go for lunch and someone's house after.
They are a mix of a PN group and have all been hanging out for the last few years. All their children are friends and they make a point of encouraging it organising playdates etc. DD is not part of this but I never felt bad about it because, well she has her pals and that's fine I thought things may evolve over time.

One of the Women F also has become my neighbor and we got on really well and we have DC the same age so I became friendly with her, she often said we should organise something and her DS would love to meet up etc. and I looked forward to it.

N is now moved out of the UK very unexpectedly but I am obviously still part of the group. Last meeting they were all talking about F DS party coming up and how excited their children were - with no mention of an invite to DD at all. It was quite blatant and I just felt that after all has been said and done it was insensitive to not invite my DD seeing as we live 2 doors away, and even if she didn't want to invite her to go on about it so blatantly whilst I stood there like a lemon.

I feel quite excluded and that maybe I should politely make an excuse that I will no longer be attending the club, esp after the friend who introduced me is no longer there. I know the bond some people have is very linked to their children being friends and I feel this is the case. A lot of their conversations are about their children's activities and I simply am not part of that.

I am feeling very fragile today so it is with real trepidation that I hit post.......deep breath.

I understadn why you feel that way, but they are your friends why do the have to be part of your dcs friends?

hmm, i understand to a degree that you feel excluded, yet maybe F's ds is only inviting a select few, and from what you have said, they haven't even met yet????

Have your dd and her ds ever had a playdate? i have you inititated it after she suggested? She may think you or your dd aren't all that keen?

YANBU. I find this kind of thing happens quite a lot but don't let it bother me a) because I really don't enjoy kids' birthday parties and b) my dd has, as you say, her own friends. It's their loss - a few less to invite to your own dd's party!!

They have met in the street and had a little play in the summer. I totally know she is not obligated, but, I don't know somehow it just felt funny with them all discussing it for ages with me there and knowing we lived so close.

I feel the group meetings involve a lot of organising what their DC will be up to. I am probably being over sensitive?

But you haven't organised meeting up with her and her DC yet, have you? And now her DS is having a party and because you are her friend at tennis you think your DD should be invited?

Hmm. Sorry if you are feeling fragile and all, but YABU. And slightly overthinking it if you are going to drop the tennis club because of it. Do you even like playing tennis?

she is not just my friend at tennis but also my neighbor and we see each other pretty much every day in passing. Yes I liked the tennis v much but like I said it is very much about the kids now. thanks for your comments food for thought anyway..

well as your dc's have had a play, then maybe you did expect an invite. i can see why now you think it's a bit weird.

YANBU in my opinion. What harm would it do to ask casually if your dd would like to come? It's only common manners. I dislike girly groups like this for these reasons. There always seems to be a hidden hierarchy that I can never work out, or want to.

If you enjoy the tennis you should continue though. Why let this spoil it. But I do understand where you're coming from x