To think that if I am invited to Sunday lunch, I shouldn't have to...

[SheWillBeLoved]

Bring enough meat (pork was the meat of choice this week) to feed 5 adults and 4 kids?

Is this normal?

I'm still in touch with ex MIL/SIL for DD's benefit, we are visiting them today as they called yesterday to invite us to Sunday lunch as they sometimes do. I got a call an hour saying "Oh btw, can you bring some pork with you?"...

It's happened a few times now, short notice, "Can you bring some chicken with you?" - cue me dashing about like a madwoman to get to Asda before it closes at 4pm to get meat and then get to them 20 miles away.

Part of me thinks IABU but most of me thinks that it's fecking rude to invite someone to lunch, and then basically tell them to bring enough meat for every one.

Yes, this seems very strange to me. Surely it is the responsibility of your expartner [I'm guessing your daughter's father] to maintain this relationship?
There again, it's up to you to decide if you can afford it, and whether you want to help them out. It's not written in stone.If your daughter enjoys the visits and seeing her 'other family' then I would try and be a bit flexible. It doesn't always come down to the exact amount of money spent.

It's a liberty...asking someone to contribute towards a family meal is fine...but not all the meat.. for everyone ???...

very rude and gets costly for you if you keep buying the meat

next time i would say if asked, i will bring pudding

If you are desperate to keep up this relationship then you could try

1. Just don't answer the phone to them on the day of the visit....arrive with something that a good guest would take, like a pudding or some flowers

2. When they invite you, be direct. Say "Will you need me to bring anything? I think I brought the meat the last ten few times, so shall I bring some potatoes this time?"

I would be tempted to invite them instead, and do the same back to them to see how they liked it!

Or you could ring from Asda and say "They have a £10 chicken or a special offer for £7, which would you like me to buy?" and present them with the receipt.

You should have just said "Pork? I don't fancy that so me and dd will stay here for lunch today"

agree next time ignore the text/phone and when you turn up,turn the phone off and says omg my phone battery has died so i didnt get your message

but yes very cheeky - meat is expensive esp if feeding 9

flowers will do nicely - they invited you

"I don't think I can; and frankly I can't be bothered.
An invitation from my part of the Country; where one hosts; means exactly that"

Kindly invite me to luncheon when you are in a position to put food on the table without a shopping list.

Don't go.

Bring a live pig and tell them that should last for a while.

Seems very very odd. Some sort of family tradition ?

Did similar things happen when you were with XH ?

I'm thinking along the lines of I needafootmassage's point that they are looking for a contribution if you never extend the favour.

I've got a friend who always comes round to mine and I always end up spending money on food and drinks that she likes and am never invited round to hers (for other reasons). I have never mind you asked her to bring anything with her least of all a pork joint but kinda wish she'd make some sort of contribution in return.

However, it does sound like a completely different scenario from yourself but maybe that they are thinking along those lines.

I do agree with the others who say that your exP should be doing this.

Think l would say -yes fine ok will bring pork

THEN

30 minutes before you are due to arrive say oh DD has just been sick and we can't make it--sorry...

Then let them have a lovely sunday lunch of potatos and veg.

My sister's like that. She and her husband invited us for dinner in their new house and said they'd cook us lunch. I say new but they'd been in the house for several months by the time we got an invite as it needed alot of work doing to it. It was all fixed by the time we got the invite. She vaguely suggested we could bring something for dessert and I felt very taken aback. They get 3-4 course meals in our house. Everything from a starter to dessert and coffee.

We chose to ignore her and showed up empty handed. She didn't find out until after lunch had been eaten to ask what we brought and I said "you're the hosts". Her DH was walked back in seconds later and she rasied her voice and said to him as if she was annoyed "they didn't bring dessert". They both got arsey and said they'd have to go out and get one now. Iw as wuite upset. We don't speak to them like that in our house.

FOR FUCK SAKE. They abuse our hospitality and give nothnig back. They've always been like that. So no, YANBU at all. You invite someone over, bloody well provide for them.

When invited for lunch, I always offer to bring dessert and drinks. We have on one occasion bought the main meal with us (to return the invite but easier to eat at their house due to childcare). I would be a bit miffed to be asked to bring the meat. For me, an invite for lunch is because the host would like my company, not that they fancy free dessert/drinks or a return invite (although bringing something to share, or a gift for the host, or returning the invite is polite).

Next time you get an invite, just say you'll bring dessert and then not answer your phone.

Well we went, with 2 x chickens. Not even so much as a thanks, just a "Bring the meat???" when they saw me.

To the posters who suggested they asked because they always host - I don't think that's the case, I always take something with me, even when I'm not asked to bring meat. And they do occasionally come here, very occasionally mind, and I always provide food, drinks, and snacks for them and their children (who I'm convinced have worms). I have taken them out to eat too on more than one occasion (paid for by me to make up for me not cooking) as I can't be bothered with cooking for 9+ people as well as keep my eye on an increasingly mobile DD!

I think from now on I'll just avoid going on a Sunday, it's the only day they ever ask for something. If I carry on going on a Sunday, I'm going to end up resenting the crap out of the meat gobbling gits, and I don't want that for DD as they do genuinely love her and are actually quite nice people when you don't factor in their odd meat requests!

Thanks for the laughs at some of the replies

• can't always

A1980, Maybe IABU but I would think it very bad manners to turn up empty handed to someones house when you've been invited for a meal, even if it was only a bottle of wine. If would have been equally put out in your sister's shoes.

This does not mean however that OP I think you should have to provide the main ingredient to a Sunday Roast when you go to someone elses. Next time you get an invite tell them what you're bringing. "Oh that will be lovely, I'll bring the dessert / vegies. Looking forward to it."

Could you tell them that you've turned vegetarian and can't ethically shop for dead animal carcasses? (Then have KFC for lunch at home)