to think having 8 kids is not an excuse for my mum to forget my birthday again!!

[BigMommaOf4]

FFs none of my 7 siblings remember mine, DH's or the 4 DCs birthdays but AIBU is expecting my mother not to?

Yes I am 39 (OMG) but I cannot ever imagine forgetting one of my DCs birthdays even when they're older than me! She forgot my DTs bithday this year as well and they are her 8 yr old grandsons FGS. So I had to buy them presents and say they were from her and she was supposed to give me the money but never did. It's not about the money though, it's about giving a shit.

She would never forget my younger sister and brothers birthdays or their DCs. She had them with my stepdad and yes I am jealous of her blatant favouritism even at my age.

AIBU to give her a piece of my mind about this?? She is 65 but most definitely is not losing her faculties so that's no excuse.

RANT over!!

Excuse spelling, am in a rush to go out and wanted to release my pissoffness before we go!!

My parents haven't done birthdays for many years. The most I ever get is lunch paid for if we happen to be about. I am one of five kids and none of us or parents rmember anyone elsesbirthday.

that is soo sad. yanbu!
there is such a thing as a diary/calendar, maybe give one to her for christmas with all the dates in there.
Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday!
I wouldn't buy your kids presents from your mum, let them find out for themselves that she's forgetful, hopefully they've got lots of other people to make it up to them

When she forgot your children's birthdays why didn't you tell her how you felt then?

IME these things fester if you let them go on.

forget her birthday.

When she says something, look puzzled and say "Oh, but since you didn't acknowledge my birthday or my childrens, I simply assumed we weren't doing birthdays any more."

yanbu but some people do see birthdays as not-particularly-important. Although this doesn't seem to be the case with your mum if she never forgets some of them.

Firstly are you sure she doesn't forget your siblings' and other GCs' birthdays as well? Sometimes jealousy can colour our perception of events. My mother routinely forgets my childrens' birthdays or remembers days or weeks late, but I think she does the same to all of her grandchildren, so it's nothing personal.

Secondly I would second what sugarmouse said about being wary of escalating this even if she really does blatantly single you out. However much she does that, it's not your fault- some women seem incapable of separating their love for their children from their love for their husband. My sister is exceptionally harder on her oldest son vs the two younger ones, simply because she is no longer in love with his father. Poor kid. We do our best to palliate but objectively there's not much that we can do to replace his mother's unconditional love. And it's nothing to do with the child in question who is absolutely lovely and definitely nicer to know than his younger brother. I would have thought that if your mum is doing this, she has had ample time to realise she's doing it and remedy it. If she doesn't it's because she's blind to it and nothing you say will change that alas. So best to send the message that sugarmouse suggested and expect nothing.

Oh, and Happy Birthday by the way.

Happy Birthday! YASOOOONBU I know how you feel my mum didn't forget my birthday, but made a deal of having to go to my sisters for my birthday dinner, and never said happy birthday once to me even after i listened to her whine on the phone for an hour in the morning. what kind of mother does not acknowledge their childs birthday regardless of how old they are????

YANBU at all. I think it is totally unacceptable for a parent to have, and to make obvious that they have, favourites.

Honestly, I think I would have cut my losses if this was my mum and decided not to see her anymore, but i appreciate that you may not want to do this.

I couldn't let it go, but do urge you to think about what you want to achieve if you have it out with her. I would want her to know how hurtful I found her behaviour and if she wasn't prepared to change, then she wouldn't be someone I'd want in my DCs lives. That might be a bit extreme for you and you might just want to accept what you can't change and focus on your Dh and DCs and your siblings if you are close to them.

I'm one of a larger family than you. I gave up on expecting any acknowledgement of my birthday by the time I left home. My parents forgot my 21st, but I just took it as part of life as an adult.

Occasionally they remember DDs birthday but I don't expect them to. DD on the other hand expects the world and their dog to remember her special day and knows, aged 8, that if she wants a card she has to remind them.

I think it's just one of those things you just learn to accept.

YANBU - I have more than 8 siblings and my mother always sends a card. She even remembers my DH's birthday.

I would mention it to her. I love being remembered on my birthday, some people aren't bothered but if it matters to you it should matter to her. She is your mother after all.

Yabu.

There are other more important things in life. In some parts of the world people don't have birthdays - our regular taxi driver doesn't know when his is!

If it is that important to you, ring her the week before and drop a reminder into the conversation.

well she rang me last night and sang Happy Birthday and then said that she'd only remembered the night before (Sat)!

This afternoon I got a massive bouquet delivered so all is forgiven for now anyway!

My 'real' father who has not been in my life for the last 30 years (although we have recently started email contact) remembered though, he even remembered how old I was!!

Thanks for your replies.