to be a bit pissed off with DH?

[loopyloops]

Three weekends ago he built a shed. OK, it's great to have an extra shed but there are so many things that need doing in the house, shed is right at the bottom of the priority list IMO. Because he was doing the shed, I had care of DD for the whole weekend.

Two weekends ago he finished building the shed and started to fix the other shed. All child care was for me again.

Last weekend he finished fixing the shed on one day and went away on the other day (to get the keys from our old house, which we didn't manage to sell so have rented, tenant moved out).

This weekend he has gone to stay at friends, who are having a party about 3 hours away, so he's staying there overnight. The wife is my best friend, husband is a friend of DH's. I would have liked to go, but we couldn't take the baby. I've stopped breastfeeding now (just) so could have gone, but as he has the default fun setting and childcare seems to be my responsibility, he went. I wanted to go to another friend's with the baby, but he was quite adamant that, as she is in a new routine with no bfing, she should be at home. (I do agree btw.) As it happens I'm feeling really poorly (head cold, nothing serious), so couldn't really go anyway. DD has been crying for most of the day and I'm pissed off.

Next weekend he's arranged to go with his brother to paint the rental house for the whole weekend.

Now, I am a SAHM, and do expect to do the majority of childcare. He gets in from work, we have dinner together and he does the bath and bed, so he does spend time with DD.

But AIBU to want a bit of a weekend too? I know he's doing Useful Things, but none of them really seem a priority to me. I never have time to do anything, even hoovering (it wakes DD up and she's terrified of it). All I want is a few hours most weekends to myself.
Does anyone else feel that they are responsible for childcare, and if DH is to do any he has to be asked and booked in?

Well, mostly he's doing chores, so not like he's been off partying every weekend.

If you want to go to the party, get a babysitter and go. You don't need his permission any more than he needs yours. If you want a few hours to yourself, tell him. Hell, get your coat on and say "I'm going for a walk"

Has he said that it's all your responsibility - if he has, then you need to set him straight on that one!

He's adamant that the baby should be at home and so should you? Well.

What about getting a mate round to yours?

And TALK. Not talking screws up so many couples. You assume, he assumes, you think he should know... he thinks you should know... and you drive a wedge between you.

i agree talk with him, if this is your first child your both in a new situation so talk to him.

As for sheds ....... dont get me going on that one lol

Yeah, I did talk to him earlier and he thinks that, as he's doing things "for us" then there's not a problem.

IBU, I know.

YANBU. My DH can be like this too. Today when it was almost bedtime and DD was starting to get grumpy he announced that he was off to Hoover the cars. Yes, it's a chore rather than being off partying but I think he did it because it was more appealing than dealing w grumpy DD.
I agree though about talking with him. I think we can all sometimes be guilty of expecting our men to read our minds when in reality they generally need it spelled out for them [sexist emoticon...]

I know exactly how you feel. When my Dc were little it was amazing how many vital jobs DH could find that avoided him being involved with any childcare at weekends.

One the face of it he was doing useful stuff that needed doing, so I was being petty to complain, but it drove me mad.

However, after a proper heart to heart, he explained it was the only way he could feel "useful" as he felt so incompetent with the childcare stuff - felt he could never get it right/do it as well as I did. Which was rubbish, but he felt like that because I told him so

As for the party and the baby needing to be at home, sorry but that's cobblers and very PFB of him (if he means it rather than using it as a way of controlling you)

well, why don't you do the painting while he stays home with the baby.

It'll get you out of the house, doing something different (boring, but different! )and give him a whole day on his own with the baby. Start as you mean to go on.

I did think of that Hecate, but I'm not sure how comfortable I'd be spending the weekend with his brother. Also, I'm quite emotionally attached to the other house and the tenant has wrecked it :( so I'm afraid that it'll upset me too much.

I am being silly, I know. Now that I'm not breastfeeding I'm going to make sure I book in a couple of weekends away.

I also know how you feel. Whilst we both would not openly admit it, my DH and I both have times when we would rather do chores around the house than look after DS esp. when he is a bit irritable and needs a constant stream of entertainment which can be very draining.

Just remember the situation is new for both of you so start how you mean to go on. By that i mean that just because he goes out to work does not mean you are any less equal in the relationship or contributing any less. Tell him that you need a break from the baby at the weekends as well and that if he wants some time away to do things you equally need that time and try to arrange this in advance of the weekend, or arrange to do things togrther as a family. If chores need doing then split them.

I think it's a bit rubbish of him to go to mutual friends for the weekend leaving you with the baby. That's partying not painting!