To think that most childrens parties are for confident 'alpha' children?!

[peggotty]

Not my poor dd, who always wants to go to them but will often end up glued to my side and looking fairly miserable. The parties with childrens 'entertainers' are the worst; blaring music, and some dufus in a clown suit bellowing into a microphone.

Admitedly I am being slightly unreasonable, as my dd is usually the only one on the sidelines but I really don't know what to do as she always wants to go them regardless, then says she's had a good time when all evidence points to the contrary! Should I stop telling her about party invites or try and suss out whether they're going to have these hellish entertainers at them or not before I accept/decline?

yabu. You sound rather mean about the children who do enjoy them.

Have you tried leaving your dd at the party?

You seem more upset by parties than your dd.

I agree that shyness doesn't automatically mean a lack of confidence. Confidence comes from being loved and accepted for who and what you are, whether that be shy or outgoing.

If you DD genuinely enjoys the parties in her own way, then that's great, isn't it?

I was a shy child and I knew I embarrassed my mother. That's what shattered my confidence! It took me years to accept I didn't have to be ashamed of being shy.

She won't let me leave her so I have to stay!
Weasle, I have the highly sensitive child book, time for a re-read I think!

POinty, I don't mean to sound off about children who do enjoy them - like I said, I'd just come in from a party and was feeling a bit down about it. Although you may have a point that I'm more upset than she is, I need to chill out.

If she wants to go to the parties, then let her. It sounds like she is enjoying it even if you're not.

I wonder if she might join in more if you weren't there? What do you think?

I remember DD1 not wanting me to leave at the first party we went to, I said to her I have to go and pick something up from B&Q and I'd be back in a minute. Off I went and she was totally fine. I came back before the party ended so she wouldn't be the last one collected.

Trying to suss out whether or not an entertainer will be there sounds like a good way forward - you could decline those invitations but continue to take her to smaller parties. Another idea might be to drop her off at a friend's house (a friend who is attending the same party) so the separation from you happens away from the party? This might be something worth trying as arriving with a friend may give her some confidence - it's not easy walking into a full room.

My DD is a confident almost 6-year-old but the only parties we've held for her have been for a maximum of 8 friends and have been very laid back affairs with colouring in, pass the parcel and making 'things'. She has a couple of friends who know both myself and DH well but who take a while to 'warm up' in a party setting but all the parents drop & run (we usually persuade a friend or two to help out so we have plenty of adults to engage children who need that). Entertainers and loud music are not part of the parties we host!

SE13 that is a good idea to drop her at a friends before a party!

I am definately going down the 'laid-back' route for her own next birthday party!

Thats right Valentin, they are younger nowadays and do not have the life experience to make commonsense decisions. The SALT says she might be ASD as she is quiet and does not know how to make conversation, goodness she is only 3 and is learning. DD observes and takes in a lot of info, she knows more than what she lets on, not all children are born talking for England, some are slow burners like dd. We are just going along with it. DD does not show any other signs of ASD, loves other children/people, likes change, does not have any ritulistic behaviours, and no challenging behaviour apart from tantrums which are part and parcel of pre schoolsers. Just because sh

Exactly piglet three! It's almost a baby still. My own DC was what some people would cal "Odd" until he hit 5 and half or thereabouts and suddenly grew into himself socially...he began nursry attachd to school aged JUST three...people I think are pressured to put kids into nursery settings within schools far to young...and it's here that parents who were previously happy with their DC's development begin to compare and question their own judgments.

I know my youngest won't be going until 4 plus and that's that. We hear so much about them making "friends" and getting into their peer group....well from what I have seen they remain very open socially until around 9 or 10...when their personalties are more set in.

As a parent of a sensitive child, if she says she has had a good time, let that be enough to make you smile and worry less

I think it would be a shame for her to miss out on these parties. The more she goes the more it will build her confidence up. She obviously still wants to go to them. Keeping her away will make her even more shy, its better for her to mix with people until she builds up the confidence to join in with the other children.

Rx

My dd is a lot like you describe. She is only 2 and the oldest in her little group of friends. They are all much more confident in social situations than she is. And she seems to be getting worse.

The last b'day we went to (it wasn't that large) she clung to me most of the time. My friend tried to get her to go play in the playroom with the other kids and she ended up with silent tears streaming down her face. When I eventually managed to get her in the playroom, all the other kids were in the sittingroom opening Birthday presents.

Her nursery tells me she is very sociable but whenever I pick her up she is playing on her own. She is also the only child in Toddlers who insists on being carried into nursery every morning. Although mostly, she is quite happy once she's there.

I hope it is an age thing and she will become more sociable as she gets older, but if not I think I'll try some form of sports to buid her confidence. My sister did this with her now 7 yr old and it's worked wonders. He was so shy he'd wouldn't even speak to us, but now he's just a running commentary all the time.

I agree that you should continue to take her. Especially if she says she had a good time, but I understand how you feel. It's very difficult not to get upset when your little one is stuck to your side while all the others are running around and appear to be having a great time.

OP - my daughter is the same(she's 3.6). We went to a party on saturday and she didn't really join in too much with everyone else, didn't go anywhere near the entertainer (who was superb) but stayed near me most of the time. It was a party adults were to stay at. Next week we have a party I can leave her at and I'm slightly worried not only is she too shy to stay on her own but that she's too young to stay on her own. :(

'I was a shy child and I knew I embarrassed my mother. That's what shattered my confidence! It took me years to accept I didn't have to be ashamed of being shy.

I was the same and the very worst thing is to have a mother who is bothered about it, or tries to force you to be otherwise. There is nothing wrong with being shy and they will get to like parties in their own time-or may always hate them.
We get thread after thread where posters are upset because their DC doesn't get invitations-the mother wants their DC to be socially confident and a popular DC. I point out that maybe the DC is pleased not to get invited and doesn't want to be the most popular DC.I didn't.
Just stay with her and don't compare. Huge parties are overwhelming-one guest per age of DC would be better IMO and have the whole class affairs as they get older.

Maybe she is having a good time watching the party, some people are watchers and don't like to join in, but still like the atmosphere and seeing other people enjoy themselves.

YABU
and your phrase 'alpha children' is very snide.
MAybe your attitude to parties and other children is rubbing of on your daughter.

I utterly refuse to believe that there is such a thing as 'an alpha child'-if there are, it is only because people give them the position.