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Original poster

to wish I still went out with previous (D)P sometimes

10 replies

motovacuum · 09/10/2010 12:32

Current DP and I are getting on each other's nerves a bit. I'm packing the house for an international move... organising everything... getting my head bitten off by the landlady, teh tradesmen, everyone... meanwhile he is swanning around seeing a lot of friends, playing sport, going to work (his job hasn't finished, he's the one with the job overseas).

So yes, I am clearly resentful of the fact he's got a job and I haven't.

But this morning am packing away all the camping gear. All the stuff that I dreamed about and wanted all my life. Stuff that has been used on just ONE holiday in our 6 year relationship, because he has never gone on holiday with me again after i spent 6 months planning and organising the perfect camping holiday.

We've never talked about it since. He hasn't even bothered looking at the photos. Though this is not particularly surprising as he doesn't talk about anything to me, doesn't even know what I'm interested in, doesn't give a shit about thinking he should perhaps make an effort, and never looks at photos anyway.

I go camping with other people now. Though as we're moving overseas I will ahve to find other people to do it with - and other people to have a life with.

i guess previous DP (actually not very dear at all, he was a complete twunt) is just a grass-is-greener thing. He loved camping... he would've totally loved this one camping holiday I've managed to do with my current DP. He loved photography. He loved music, too - we used to talk for hours about it. Ironically current DP is by far the better musician, and we do music (in the company of others) but he isn't interested in listening to recordings or discussing it, at all.

Sad put like that, why am I following him overseas? I don't know, but it's too late to back out now - the removalists arrive on monday.

OP posts:
BudaisintheZONE · 09/10/2010 12:37

Never too late.

Do you love him? Does he love you?

Doesn't really sound like it to be honest.

pluperfect · 09/10/2010 12:58

This could be a chance to have some time off from one another. Have you chucked in your job, or were you a SAHM?

Original poster
motovacuum · 09/10/2010 13:27

My contract job finished and there was no possibility of renewal...

When he's here and being nice and cuddly or nice and analytical/ helpful, yes I do love him.

OP posts:
pluperfect · 09/10/2010 13:33

Well, then, he has to stop swanning off and start helping.

I started a thread about my DH's annoying behaviour when we were moving, because he wanted a complete DIY, not using movers. I threw a fit, and we had such an argument that eventually he stropped that he would do it all himself. I buggered off with DS and left him to it, and later he admitted he had been wrong...

The same sort of realisation might come to your DP if he has to do something himself!

nomedoit · 09/10/2010 13:34

It is never too late. If you go with him, please go into it with your eyes open. An overseas move puts a strain on you and the relationship - I know, I've done it. If you think pulling out now is tough, think how much harder it would be to pack up and come back on your own in the midst of a break-up.

A couple of questions...

Have you actually asked him to help with the move?

How long is the overseas job contract for - and is it a very long way?

ValentinCrimble · 09/10/2010 13:35

Seems odd to me...to be bitter about his lack of reminiscing about a camping holiday fro years ago. Perhaps he simply didn't like it as much as you did? Peraps this is part of you having other doubts?

Original poster
motovacuum · 09/10/2010 13:47

i think it's just brought home how little htere is in common - as i pack away all the bits of my life, mostly bits that have been rather neglected except in my head, in the last few years.

I have a right to live and work in this other country where we're going, so if we split, i wouldn't be forced to come back instantly.

Also we think things might be less stressful there, with more chance to do things and not constantly be working (though see above re DP's social life and sport). I"ll see. It's not like there is a whole lot here for me to come back to anyway... well there's a lot here but it's not necessarily for me.

i think he definitely didn't like the camping holiday. I spose discovering that you can't have a partner who shares all your interests is part of growing up though.

OP posts:
nomedoit · 09/10/2010 16:55

Sorry, but I think you're deluding yourself if you think moving overseas is going to improve your relationship...

Original poster
motovacuum · 09/10/2010 17:55

at least moving overseas will put me in a better position to move on, if it comes to that. It's a long way from it at the moment, I think I'm being wistful for the old intense studenty life again - not enjoying being mid 30s and boring and having to work.

OP posts:
sux2bme · 09/10/2010 20:14

hi motovacuum

which country are you moving to honey

do you speak the lingo?

have you savings?

have you lined up/ researched job opps?

do you have or plan to have kids?

just to reiterate it is never too late and whilst there is a honeymoon period with a move abroad and it can be a fresh start, clean slate etc it also has the effect of maximising any faultlines you already have in your relationship. Not trying to put you off i promise...especially as i wholly empathise with the stress of packing but if you resent the guy a little now how will you feel as his dependent in a new country?

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