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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to insist on a child car seat?

25 replies

thenameiwantedwastaken · 08/10/2010 13:42

This is the story...

Arrived back from holiday on evening flight - landed about 11pm. Driver from our friendly local cab firm was waiting for us as arranged but without the car seat for DD (18 months) that we had booked in advance. He suggested that, for the 40min drive along motorways and A roads, DP and I could sit with DD between us. He promised he would drive 'slowly' (Hmm)

DP was all up for going with him and thought I was being unreasonable for wanting a proper seat for DD. He comes from a country where nobody really uses car seats but I'm a bit of a stickler for them.

In the end, I went and found airport taxi company and got a taxi with a seat. It cost £70+. Original taxi would have been £40. I paid whole cost out of my pocket (we share family expenses but retain our own accounts. DP didn't want to share this cost as he thought I was BU).

Posting here because although I feel strongly about car seats, I'm not really sure if I'm being reasonable/rational. What do you guys think? Would you have risked it for a short trip when you were desperate to get home from the airport and could save 30 quid? Or would you have insisted on the seat too?

OP posts:
IMoveTheStars · 08/10/2010 13:47

No, of course YANBU!! I would definitely have insisted on the seat.

I probably would also complain to the cab company that I initially booked with and attempt to get the £30 difference out of them for failing to turn up with a seat (but wouldn't hold my breath)

I'd definitely take it out of the joint finances though! You and DP got the same cab, did you not?

nickytwotimes · 08/10/2010 13:48

well, having a seat is clearly important enough to you to have specifically booked one so no yanbu. taxis don't have to use them, but 18 mths is young and i would probably want one too.

that is one wierd situation with your dp though wrt money!

Thatwasyesterday · 08/10/2010 13:48

By law, cabs don't have to have car seats. If I have to get a cab with DD (15 months) I sit with her on my lap.

nocake · 08/10/2010 13:50

If you had booked the car seat in advance then you should complain to the taxi firm and demand they pay the difference between the two taxis.

seashore · 08/10/2010 13:50

I feel the same as you about car seats and it frustrates me when using a taxi, especially my last trip home when I was pregnant and had toddler with me and constantly had to put up with being on a motorway in a taxi without a car seat (dd strapped to dh in back). I don't see why it's so difficult for companies to provide car seats.

Anyway, I think your situation above, you're the mum, if it causes you stress then it's not on, you cannot just cast aside your instinctive feelings to protect. If I could opt for a company that would provide the seat I definitely would.

nocake · 08/10/2010 13:53

The reason taxis don't have to have child seats is for practical reasons. It would be impossible for a taxi to carry every size of seat. However, if you've booked it with a child seat then that's what should be provided.

IMoveTheStars · 08/10/2010 14:10

If it had been, for example, a 2 mile ride in a taxi from the station to my house then I would consider it (minor roads, none at speed), but would prob use a black cab rather than a standard minicab where possible.

Trips on the motorway in a taxi, legal on not, no way.

Rhian82 · 08/10/2010 14:19

18 months is tiny, no way. I would have insisted too. Agree with the others who say you should complain to the original taxi firm as you'd booked.

ValentinCrimble · 08/10/2010 14:43

YANBU...no way! You should write to the taxi company and demand 30 quid compo....why should yo be out of pocket because they are crap PLUS one of their drivers encouraged you to break the law!

Meglet · 08/10/2010 14:45

yanbu.

IAPJJLPJ · 08/10/2010 14:48

bet he wouldn't have thought you were being "picky" if you had had an accident.

ChippingIn · 08/10/2010 15:21
  • Get the £30 from the original company - it's their fault.
  • Tell your DH he is a fuck muppet. I appreciate he's from a different background, but he lives here now - how many kids does he see without a car seat now. Send some of the car seat testing links to him - see if he'd like your DD to die that way?
  • I have got black cabs across London without car seats and would get a taxi from the train station home (back roads, quiet area, 3 miles) - but not for the journe you had to do. HOUND the original taxi company on principle alone!
ChippingIn · 08/10/2010 15:26

In fact - I'd be LIVID that he thought our daughters life wasn't worth £30.

I kind of know that's not what he really thinks... that he just thinks 'there's no harm, that's how it's done in my (old) country' - I suppose he just doesn't see the risk as we do.

It would scare me what other sitations he would take risks in that I wouldn't and that he didn't respect me enough not to take risks...would he put her in a friends car without a seat? I bet he would.

Original poster
thenameiwantedwastaken · 08/10/2010 15:44

Wow, I was totally expecting to eb told to chill out! Great idea re hounding the original taxi company. Will definitely get onto that! The taxi driver kept saying, 'let's just get you home now and you can complain to the company in teh morning if you like' and I just thought, 'what use is that going to be if my daughter is dead?'

But as I said, I'm emotional about these things.

ChippingIn - my DP is not a fuck muppet. Imagine you moved to a country where, because of the risk of head injury from falling from playground equipment, pretty much every parent made their child wear a crash helmet when on climbing frames. Imagine you had a child with someone from this place and they felt very passionately that you should follow suit. You might understand it was important to them, and go along with it, but that wouldn't necessarily make it feel natural or logically important to you. So you might feel more inclined to stretch the rules than your partner, especially if you getting home to your bed after a long journey depended on it. Plus, unfortunately we often see our opposite neighbours with their DD freely bouncing around on front passenger seat, putting electric windows up and down while in motion (shiver).

OP posts:
Original poster
thenameiwantedwastaken · 08/10/2010 15:47

Sorry Chipping In - cross post there. Agree with your 2nd para.

He may take more risks than I would when I'm not there. But I know that he does use the car seat - and wouldn't let his mum hold DD on her lap when she was here for a visit. Plus I'm not the only parent, am I? He gets to decide how he parents as well.

OP posts:
Ineedmorechocolatenow · 08/10/2010 15:50

YANBU. I even insisted a paramedic put our car seat in the ambulance (a car, not the van type) when taking DS to hospital (5 mins away).

I'm also a real stickler for car seats, and have to shiver with horror every time SIL takes her DS in the car with only the bottom of the 5 point harness clipped in....

Original poster
thenameiwantedwastaken · 08/10/2010 15:50

And really, the reason I am asking AIBU is because 'he doesn't see the risk as we do'. Is that because we overblow the risk? Dire consequences if something does go wrong but how likely is it that we would crash/stop suddenly? I know nothing about the science of risk assesment - only my instinctive feeling that I should use a car seat but how does this compare to letting DD on climbing frame, on horse, on skis? (last two when older obv!)

OP posts:
Ineedmorechocolatenow · 08/10/2010 15:53

I think you have to think how you'd feel if something did go wrong.

I would never forgive myself for the sake of £30....

Original poster
thenameiwantedwastaken · 08/10/2010 15:57

That's true. One of the things that has really stuck with me is when my dad used to work at a children's hospice. He supported a family whose child had died in an accident where they weren't strapped in. He didn't share any details but enough for me to know it was a hard thing for them to come to terms with.

OP posts:
Rhian82 · 08/10/2010 15:58

Compared to other accidents (especially now most playgrounds have soft flooring), car accidents happen a Lot. And it doesn't take a bad one to cause serious injuries, especially in someone as tiny as a toddler.

The statistics for death on the roads are pretty frightening - I'm pretty sure that putting DS in a car at all is the riskiest thing I ever do with him (statistically), despite having a car seat.

ChippingIn · 08/10/2010 16:06

You need Tokyonambu for that risk assessment - she's brilliant!!!

On a horse and on skis she should be wearing a helmet & she's not likely to be doing 60 miles an hour.

On a climbing frame, yes, there are risks, but nothing like driving on a motorway.

PM Tokyonambu a link to this thread and ask her if she has time to comment on your question.

Google some of the 'carseat test' sites... it will open his eyes to the risk.

By the way, it sounds really arsey when you come ask on AIBU to ask if you are BU to insist on a carseat. Then post things like this Plus I'm not the only parent, am I? He gets to decide how he parents as well

It makes me feel like saying 'If you feel so strongly that he is also her parent, why didn't you do as he wished? Why are you the one insisting your way is the right way?'

Maybe you should have posted in chat - Is it actually important to use carseats or is it all a lot of rubbish? How do the risks compare to other risks' (etc)

Anyway, get the money from the other taxi company and give them a tongue lashing for not having the car seat there as booked

AshT · 08/10/2010 16:10

YANBU. I had an accident a few years ago now on the way home from school - a drive of less than 10 miles. A Transit van missed a bend, crossed the white line and front ended into my car. I was driving carefully, just as your taxi driver said he would, and managed to get the car stopped and on a verge in an effort to avoid White Van Man.

I was cut out of the car, and was lucky to get out with a broken leg and cracked ribs. The children were both in proper fitted child seats, and escaped with bruises from their seat belts.

One of the paramedics who treated us told me that without proper seats for the children he would almost certainly have been dealing with fatalities.

My children NEVER go in a car without being properly strapped in - oldest is now old enough to go without a seat, but youngest still has a booster.

Original poster
thenameiwantedwastaken · 08/10/2010 16:34

Chipping In, sorry to come across as arsey at you. I lurk on this board a lot and thought this was the perfect place to ask as my own question was exactly 'AIBU?'

Anyway, you began by referring to my DP in quite a rude and agressive manner. Of course I will respond by defending him and his right to parent. Like most things in life it's not a black-and-white situation where I respect his views as a parent so much that I always follow whatever he says OR that I want total control and order him to do everything exactly as I wish. So sometimes we disagree.

AshT - gosh, your accident sounds awful! Are you all mended now? Thank God your kids were strapped in and okay.

OP posts:
AshT · 08/10/2010 19:43

Yes, all mended now, thanks TNIWWT - the kids were very badly shocked, and DD was very unhappy at travelling along that road for a while, but I think we're over it now.

As you say, thank God the kids were both strapped in securely - they've not argued with me at all since then about putting on seatbelts.

I went with my father to the salvage yard where the car was stored about a week after the accident; the state of my car gave me a bit of a fright - a photo of it might be the sort of image needed for a seatbelt campaign.

mumtoabeautifulbabyboy · 08/10/2010 22:15

Ummmmmm you described the situation in your OP. It is YOUR description of events that has made some people reading it (ie chippingin) infer from it that your DP is definitely unreasonable (and comes across as a bit of a stupid - can't do his research,cheapo - putting £30 above his DD's life type) so YANBU in your OP however YABU in getting annoyed when people comment on your DP's behaviour when you are the one that had provided the information for a forum of readers to go on!!!

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