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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think someone could have given us a chair?

28 replies

thisisyesterday · 08/10/2010 10:55

at ds1's Harvest Festival service?
Got there nearly 15 mins before it was due to start. No seats.
Have ds2 (3) and ds3 (16 months) with me. I don't really think it would have been possible to stand up with them both for an hour and a half for the service.
am really Sad and Angry that i've had to come home and miss his first Harvest Festival. His class were putting on a performance and singing.

aparently it wasn't possible to get me another chair, no-one else would offer me one and all the other empty seats were for pupils and staff.

so aibu to expect a chair? for reception and yr1 to sit on the floor at thr front so that parents could have seats?

OP posts:
Original poster
thisisyesterday · 08/10/2010 10:57

ds3 would have just wanted to run around the whole time, if i'd sat on the floor none of us wiould be able to see anyway....

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 08/10/2010 11:00

Of course YANBU. I have had times when I had to ask a parent if their child could possibly sit on their lap rather than a chair meant for an adult.

TattyDevine · 08/10/2010 11:02

Were you agressive assertive enough? Whilst you shouldn't have to beg, sometimes you have to make things happen. Might have to get there a bit earlier next time...

Original poster
thisisyesterday · 08/10/2010 11:04

i thought i was early enough, but they literally had about 80 seats for parents max. given that the school has in excess of 200 pupils this seemed a little short sighted!

maybe i wasn't assertive enough. i asked if there were any other chairs and was told no. and i asked a few people who had empty chairs near them if they were free and was told no.
i didn't feel i could ask peiple to just give me their chairs but maybe i should have???

OP posts:
Firawla · 08/10/2010 11:53

that is a real shame, i think next time you will have to be a bit more pushy/assertive though so you can get a seat
i probably would have just sat on the floor rather than go back home, someone surely would have had to offer then?

but yanbu the reception and y1 could easily sit on the floor and save the chairs!

soppypreggyloon · 08/10/2010 12:17

That's awful! I'm a teacher and have gladly given up my seat and sat on floor/ bench with children so a mum can sit and watch the play!
Only time I decided not to offer was when I was pg!
I'd have hung around with lively kids till the staff sorted an extra chair. Wouldn't have been hard to do!
Next time stand your ground!

curlymama · 08/10/2010 12:28

Sounds like there was a little bit of Mummy madness going on here, but I don't understand why you felt you should have to come home. Would you have been able to have both of them on your lap anyway, or would one be on the floor either way? Could you not have just kept them at the back and given them loads of snacks and toys to play with so that you could at least be there for ds1?

Tbh, there is always such a scramble for decent seats at these school things, that I probably wouldn't have given up a seat that I had been sat in patiently for 45 minutes before the show started. I want the best view possible of my child too! I appreciate that you can't get there ridiculously early if you have two smaller children, but that's not really the fault of the other Mums. If I was also in the standing room, I'd probably have offered to help entertain your dc's, especially while your ds1 was doing his bit.

In our school they used to have reception in chairs otherwise they would keep creeping forwards and reducing the stage area.

cumbria81 · 08/10/2010 12:31

You should have just asked someone instead of standing there feeling pissed off.

If they say no, they say no.

nickelbabe · 08/10/2010 12:31

I'd have given you a chair. Provided I was allowed to sit on the floor at the front of the audience. I wasn't there, though.

Bit odd that they didn't think they'd need more chairs.

and why would they have chairs for the children? I don't recall ever sitting on a chair in the hall at juniors

snowmummy · 08/10/2010 12:57

YANBU at all. Similar thing happened to me at the swimming pool a few weeks ago while my DS was having his lesson. I am pg and had my 3 year old who was asleep with me and I asked if a particular chair was free. The woman said no it wasn't, two minutes later, along came her DD of about 7. I was a bit miffed. Luckily another lovely lady kindly offered me a seat.

ValentinCrimble · 08/10/2010 13:03

God some people are so rude! Angry for you!

I would never sit there while someone with toddlers struggled. In my childs school the reception and yr 1 alwys sit on the floor....tiny hall and all that.

If I were you I would get there a bloody HOUR early and take a large picnic in future!

redskyatnight · 08/10/2010 13:19

The harvest festival is 1.5 hours!! Blimey, I think I would have 2nd thoughts about taking 2 pre-schoolers for that length of time anyway. (ours is 40 minutes which is more than long enough)

I think YABU - too long for two littlies to sit, mine always ended up jumping up and down and running round at these events anyway. Would have been worse if you'd got a seat and had to stop the DC climbing over your neighbours.

Original poster
thisisyesterday · 08/10/2010 14:43

curlymama... i didn't have loads of snacks or toys for them, so no! i'd have spent the entire time chasing them around the back of the church which would have been unpleasant and disruptive for everyone else

i asked if i they could bring 2 chairs through from the school, 1 for me and the baby, and one for ds2 who i had a book and some milk for.
the baby was getting sleepy and i think would have had a feed and gone to sleep. ds2 is fairly good if he has a chair to sit on, esp once it all started... but he wouldn't have stood up for that length of time

redskyatnight, i was imagining that if they got boisterous anyway i would be able to just take them out, and someone else could have used our seats. But i'd have liked the opportunity to see at least some of the service!

but yes, maybe next time i just need to be more assertive!?

OP posts:
curlymama · 08/10/2010 16:12

Oh ok. So the reception and year 1 children should have to sit on the floor, but your ds who doesn't even go to the school and could move if needs be should get a chair? Hmm

Original poster
thisisyesterday · 08/10/2010 16:17

well, when they have assembly in the school hal they all sit on the floor!
i would say over half of the parents had to stand.... surely it's more sensible to make the smaller children (inc ds1) sit on the floor at the front, than having a whole load of adults squashed in at the back?

OP posts:
curlymama · 08/10/2010 16:23

Assembly doesn't last an hour and a half. And they don't sit on a cold stone church floor.

These things are always a bit chaotic and you expect toddlers to be walking up and down and a few parents to be stood at the back keeping babies quiet. And there are never enough seats for everyone, I just think it's slighty unreasonable to expect the school to cater for a baby and toddler not at the school before thinking of the needs of the children that attend.

Original poster
thisisyesterday · 08/10/2010 16:26

actually, their friday assembly IS an hour and a half.
and the church floor is carpeted, it's a brand new church

OP posts:
Original poster
thisisyesterday · 08/10/2010 16:27

and I, like most others on the thread, don't think it's unreasonable for me to have asked for a chair to sit on, or for someone to have offered me one

so i will assume you have some unknown issue with this that I don't know about.

OP posts:
curlymama · 08/10/2010 16:33

I don't think it's unreasonable for you to have asked for a chair at all, but I do think it's unreasonable for you to expect it when surely you know the size of the church and the amount of parents likely to attend.

If the church floor is carpeted, that makes a difference and the children probably could have sat on it.

I don't have any issue with it at all, I just don't think that you have more right than any other parent to enjoy their child's harvest festival in comfort.

zeeboo · 08/10/2010 16:42

I think you wbu to be honest. I stood at my kids harvest festival last week, holding a very heavy four month old. All I cared about was seeing my son and him knowing I was watching him doing his reading. So I was mildly uncomfortable, big deal!

icecream24 · 08/10/2010 16:49

I went to my eldest son's harvest festival last week, I had my 14 month old and my 3 year old with me. By the time we got there about 15 mins before the start there were no chairs left, so we just sat on the floor at the back, it was far from ideal, but it didn't occur to me that somebody would give up there seat for us.

cat64 · 08/10/2010 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 08/10/2010 17:00

Walk to the front. Sit on the floor.

Original poster
thisisyesterday · 08/10/2010 17:02

zeeboo, if i had only had a 4 month old i'd have been happy to stand! have stood at many friday assemblies before now with the baby in sling and ds2 either in buggy or on a chair.

my problem was that with both of them mobile i would have only disrupted everyone else.
the church has only just been built, so no, i had no idea of its capacity, only that it was apparently bigger than the old one.

i got htere in what i thought was plenty of time, only to find that all the seats had been taken.
if i can have ds2 on a chair he is generally pretty good, and i would normally sit him between me and someone else so he doesn't try and escape.

if we'd been standing the both of them would have just run around, hence me deciding to leave rather than cause a massive fuss at the back of the church, not be able to see and end up leaving anyway

i think ticketing would be a good idea tbh, because they clearly just don't have enough space
i did try and get someone to have the other 2, or at least one of them, but no-one was able to

i guess as well that it wouldn't have been so bad to sit on the floor at the back if there hadn't been SO many people standing there. i'd have had to sit in the aisle and I just figured that it would be far more hassle and more disruptive for everyone

OP posts:
notso · 08/10/2010 17:04

You have to camp out to get a chair at DC's school concerts and no matter how early you get there 'the camcorder Parents' will already be there right at the front.

I prefer to stand anyway unless you are in the front three rows you can never see.
Am surprised at toddlers being allowed to walk around, that is thankfully strictly forbidden at DC's school.
There is always a long talk about it being the pupils day and their little brothers/sisters day will come, and if your little one is becoming too loud you get the look and the nod from the head meaning you have to take them out.

I think YWBU to just go, I would have had to at least tried to stand even if you couldn't manage the whole thing.