to have said this in the supermarket?

[NoseyNooNoo]

I took DD (4) and DS (2) to Waitrose today. DS has turned into a monster in the last month. For the first time today he had reins on to give me some control but he well and truly lost it in the store.

When we got to the check-out he was winding himself up into eventually the worst tantrum of his life. The couple in front of me had about 3 bags worth of groceries but took so long that the baskets only queue next to us went from having about 12 people in it to just 1 person queuing. The couple were chatting away s l o w l y to the cashier who they knew. They intially glared at me with each ratchet of DS's tantrum. Then I realised the glare had become rather smug. They then had everything bagged up but chatted some more before contemplating paying so I said to the cashier, 'Could we move things a long because I'm keen to get him (gesturing to DS) out of here'. The woman of the couple said to the man, 'I see the mother's as bad tempered as the boy'.

I rose above this comment but then our paths crossed on the way to the car park so I said to them, 'I heard what you said and it was equally rude'. They were really put out saying I shouldn't have joined their queue if I didn't want to wait. He continued to rant on but I walked away. However, DD says he gave me the finger when we were queuing to leave the car park.

I don't think this was my finest hour. I wish I could have kept my mouth closed. Was I unreasonable?

Although I think you weren't treated very nicely, I'm going to stick my neck out and say that northerngirl has got a point...

I have always taken my tantrumming children out of shops & restaurants and gone back in when they have calmed down. It is VERY inconvenient when you have a full shopping trolley and you are queuing up or in the middle of eating your food in a restaurant but I found you generally only have to do it once. I found it well worth it for the one time inconvenience.

I just didn't want to be hold to ransom with a tantrum and after the one time I only had to threaten them with being taken outside .

Just my two pence.

You're right - I don't have a problem with tantruming toddlers because mine know they are not allowed to behave like that.

I'd be completely prepared to abandon the trip altogether and go home if they didn't calm down, but I've never had to do that because they always do.

I'm able to do that and not get stressed about it because I'm never in a situation where we don't have food/loo roll/essentials in the house. I think there's something about the kids knowing I'll happily follow through with the threat that makes them behave.

A little forward planning can really help in these situations.

Wow, northerngirl, you must be incredibly well organised and disciplined never to run out of anything, or to only take your DC to the supermarket when they are in a good mood.

In my world, we do run out of things, we have to all go to the supermarket at the weekend, and sometimes the DC are fine with it, and other times they're not. But if they do throw a tantrum about something (not being bought a Thomas magazine or a toy, or not being allowed to rampage up and down the aisles) I just ride the tantrum out. Taking them out of the supermarket is just giving them what they want, and putting them back in once they're calm, as others have said, won't help the situation.

And neither does sanctimonious lip-pursing or time-wasting from people in front of us in the queue.

But this isn't just about the horror of going to the supermarket with DC who throw a tantrum - it's about being considerate all round. Don't queue up before you've finished your shop, don't chat to the cashier to the point of slowing them down, don't act as if everyone else has all the time in the world to wait for you to take a leisurely stroll back to the fruit & veg aisle at the other end of the shop for the bag of oranges that you'd forgotten, and show some kindness to those who might have small and squalling children and are desperate to get out, or only have a few items, or might be elderly or infirm or pregnant. It's just about being nice.

But the tantrumming toddler wasn't the issue. It was the rude and inconsiderate people at the till.

Okay, just being devil's advocate here...how about the people at the till being really lonely and this is their only chat with another human being for the day. How about being nice to the people in front of the queue and let them have a natter and enjoy their day without rushing them?

The OP was in a rush and getting particularly impatient because her toddler was starting to have a tantrum, so it is to do with that. If the child was perfectly behaved and you are having a nice time with him/her than you wouldn't be bothered if the people in front of you take a bit longer?

Maybe it is unreasonable to expect everyone to hurry up. Sometimes you end up in the wrong queue, I certainly am very good at picking the queue that takes ages but c'est la vie, it happens. But I have never asked someone in front of me to 'please hurry up' because I think that is also a rude thing to do, tantrumming toddler or not.

Oh and doing your shopping whilst queuing up is a totally different discussion and not what was mentioned in this particular post.

I do my shopping online without DC

But it's rude when someone is taking their sweet time regardless of the fact that other people are waiting or their children are crying, and pointing that out to them is, frankly, what they deserve. It might not get them to move any faster, but at least they know that not everybody appreciates them moving at a ridiculously slow pace, and allows the irritated person behind them to let off some steam.

And the people in front of the OP were rude not to be more considerate of her behind them, and especially rude to take a deliberately longer time than necessary and then to make snide remarks.

Not everyone can do their supermarket shop online, and going to the supermarket with DC is a painful necessity for a lot of people. I've got my coping strategies for dealing with it, but when they fail, I don't appreciate the glares or tuts directed at me and I certainly don't appreciate people in front of me prolonging our misery by dawdling.

And cashiers serve hundreds of people a day - they should be capable of chatting and scanning without the former activity slowing down the latter.

if one of DH's staff was standing around chatting at the till instead of serving they would get a right bollocking. nuff said.

and the key, as ttalloo said, is the word instead - nothing wrong with chatting while scanning in that situation.