To wish my DP would talk to me!!

[jumpforjoy]

My Dp is very stressed at the moment with worries of redundancies at his work. However to deal with his stress he usually disappears without a word only for me to be later informed he was at the pub drowning his sorrows. He is an only child and often tells me this is his way of dealing with things.

I wonder why he can't feel he can talk to me and perhaps our relationship isn't as serious as I think it is if he can't discuss these problems?

AIBU to expect him to share his problems or should I give him space.

This latest disapperance was expected as I know about the redundancies but previously when he has drowned his sorrows I haven't got a clue why he has done so and continually worry.

My Ex brought my self confidence to an all time low when he didn't speak to me for months then to announce he didn't love me anymore, so when the DP clams up, the old worries surface.

Drinking to drown out sorrows is never a great idea, but in my experience is more about a person's low self esteem than their rejection of a partner.

Why don't you suggest joining him one evening at the pub or wherever. Perhaps being out of the house will encourage him to talk to you?

You need to let him know your worries and that he needs to keep you in the loop

Agree some ground rules on what you expect to be told

Be supportive to eachother

He's got a silly boy head - I know a fair few males with this trait. Unable to talk about their feelings just like a teenage boy. Don't know what the answer is - gentle questioning & lots of hugs? Sorry it makes you feel a bit crap.

I don't think it necessarily means that your relationship isn't serious just because he clams up, it could be this is how he deals with things...its not a great way admittedly, but i have to admit to being this way sometimes myself and i've been married 'forever'! I think if he knows that you're there for him, then this may encourage him to open up a bit more. Sorry not more help.

IME this is a real common trait - men often find it hard to talk about their feelings. DH has always been this way, it is improving after much nagging explanation about why it's important to talk. If he has ALWAYS dealt with things this way, I would try not to take it so personally. It is no reflection on his feelings for you that he is not equipped to 'talk'.

I also think this is quite a common thing with men. Maybe you could try and create times when there is nothing to do but talk. My husband and I have our most productive converstaions when the kids aren't around and we are on a long drive or taking the dog for a walk.

Being at home when the kids are in bed just doesn't cut it somehow! It also seems to help if I talk about stuff first, and allow him to open up without me asking questions. Then when he does start to talk, you can encourage that by asking open questions, by that I mean ones that require more than a yes or no answer.