to ask for another midwife

[lurcherlover]

Before I start, please be gentle with me - I have no idea about the etiquette in this area and am perfectly prepared to accept I am BU if that is the general consensus, just have no idea what is acceptable or not!

OK, basically I am 37 weeks pg and booked in to give birth at the midwifery-led unit at my local hospital. I know one of the midwives there - we were at school together and in most of the same classes. We didn't get on at all and there were times when she made me feel really miserable. I'm sure she's different now and is a perfectly lovely person and a great midwife, but the fact remains that I would feel very uncomfortable with her as my midwife in labour (I haven't seen her for any of my antenatal appointments, luckily). I don't think it would help me relax and feel comfortable which I know is how I need to feel if I'm going to have the smooth, natural birth I would like if possible.

So, I would like to know - if I get there and she is the mw on duty, is it OK to request politely for someone else to be my mw? Is it likely this can happen - I assume there won't be only one mw on duty? And how do I best phrase it without making a big fuss, which I really don't want to do? I was thinking of just saying politely that I would prefer someone I don't know, without saying anything more. Or does this seem out of order and not something I can ask?

i think you can request someone else. and i would def do that in your position. actually, i'd get my dh to do it. it'll be the last thing you want to think about at the time.

YANB at all U. You are always entitled to ask for a different mw. I think your plan of just saying you don't want someone you know is fair enough, you can always save the bit about her making you feel miserable for later if they try to resist!

I'm sure you could unless there's no alternative. Why don't you discuss it with you midwife at your next appointment?

Seems perfectly reasonable to me. How about writing a letter to the unit manger and/or supervisor of midwives, just state that because you know that midwife (however long ago - you till know her) you would not be comfortable with her caring for you in labour and would it be possible to request someone else if she happened to be on duty when you go in.

Can you make sure it's in your birth plan?

I would agree with getting it sorted out in advance. If you find out that it would not be possible to see a different midwife then you could consider delivering elsewhere, but thats not practical if you only find out when you arive at the midwife unit in labour.

Thanks everyone. Reassuring to know you don't think this is a terrible request - it's really been bothering me, silly though that sounds. Should I put it in my birth plan? Hadn't thought of that. That doesn't look like I'm making too much of a fuss, does it? I'm just hoping when I get there she's not on duty, but it's quite a small unit and sod's law says I'm not going to be that lucky!

My best friend is a mw, she says it happens fairly often - someone she knows vaguely, friend of a friend, or someone from the gym say, would rather keep that relationship as it stands rather than having to make polite conversation with someone who's had their hand up your lala. No need to explain, just a polite request for someone else.

It's years since my training (and I only did the first year) but when I was a student midwife we were taught to ask a client if they minded you being their midwife if you recognised them from another time/place. So YANBU.

I probably wouldn't like it being a friend - but my aunt has delivered all of my babies!!

I think many hospitals have a policy about friends/family anyway - so they might be more than happy to accommodate you.

it's very important for you to feel ok andnot stressed op. The bog standard reason that you don't want her because you know her seems totally valid.

good luck, oh and i'd definitely put it in your birth plan. x

would put it in your birth plan and it doesn't sound weird. i wouldn't mention about she made you miserable or any of that as i think just saying you know her so you are more comfortable with someone else, would be enough

I'd definitely mention it beforehand if you can, i wrote out both my birthplans, and they weren't even looked at by midwives. Best of luck.

yanbu but as constantlytired just said, mention beforehand too as i don't think my birthplan was looked at by midwives either

YANBU - you will need to feel comfortable and relaxed in labour and if her presence will make you feel uncomfortable then you should certainly ask for someone else. I agree to out in in your birth plan but mention it as well when you speak to the unit before going in and again when there. Hope it goes well.

YANBU - like others said, bring it up at next apt.

YANBU to ask for another MW. I wouldn't bother writing it in your birthplan though (neither of mine got so much as a glance) just mention it when you get there. If you say you're uncomfortable with X because you know her, there shouldn't be a problem.

Good luck!

Definitely not unreasonable, you shouldn't have to go into detail about that you didn't particularly get on with her, it's an aside

The fact that you know her from a few years ago is enough to make the request seem reasonable, I also wouldn't be happy in your situation, it would just make me feel uncomfortable

Hi. You don't say if it is a 'stand alone' midwife-led unit or one which is is within an obstetric unit.
If it is stand alone that it may be difficult as many of these only have the one midwife on duty and, although you may mention your concerns in advance, you/they can not know when baby will come!
If it is a midwife led unit within a larger obstetric unit then it should not be a problem as there will be several midwives available.
As others have said, discuss this with your community midwife.