to be a 'helicopter' mum to PFB who has just started primary school?

[Doigthebountyeater]

Go on, I can take it
Am genuinely unsure whether or not I am interfering too much. DS1 has been at primary school for 2 weeks now and in that time I have:

1. complained to a TA about an older boy shouting 'Hey Afro' to DS (who has curly hair). Boy was brought back to apologise.

2. written a letter to DS's class teacher to complain about a boy in his class who slapped DS in the face and called him a 'fuckshit'. DS was upset and asked me to let his teacher know. School dealt with this very well and the head even wrote a letter to me to apologise for the child's behaviour

3. written in his reading journal that his reading book is too easy a level (which it is but I won't say any more about that...)

4. told off some older boys who he told me he'd been playing with (calling them the 'hurty boys'. I watched him playing with them this morning and could see that they were making fun of him but he didn't realise (eg sending him on wild goose chases then hiding and giggling when he got confused)I just reminded them that he was only 4 (he looks a lot older as he is very big for his age)and to play kindly with him or not at all.

So am I over-reacting and will soon be banned from the school premises or is my behaviour normal? I just want my DS to be happy and safe!

YANBU you sound normal to me.
Is it a happy school, on the whole? That is a lot of issues already.

1 and 2 YANBU and its good that the school take it so seriously
3 - YABU
4 - YABU - I try to fall into the 'fight your own battles' camp but I would do the same as you.

I wouldn't worry about the too-easy reading. He can zip through them if they are too easy and soon be on the next stage. It consolidates reading skills and starts a culture of success.
He can read more interesting books with you too.

I think it is a pretty good school on the whole. It is in a deprived area so there will be rough behaviour but it seems to me that they are tackling it well. My son is happy at school which is the main thing. It is more that he is physically large, very friendly and whilst academically very bright, he has no common sense or social awareness so I feel I need to be protective of him. He doesn't know how to fight his own battles IYSWIM as he has not been to preschool etc so does not know how to deal with the random and unpredictable behaviour of other children.

Re the reading I am not overly bothered about him being on a low level as he is reading novels by himself at home anyway. Also I'm an English teacher so it is easy for me to keep on top of things. It is more that the school know he can read but are obviously not worried about putting him on an appropriate level.

God, I just need to butt out don't I ?

Ah, I see your problem more clearly now. Pre-school does exactly what you say re random and unpredictable behaviour.

Can you ask a child or two from his class to tea, so that he gets to know them more and then they will gravitate together in the playground. He needs to avoid the less kind big boys really, rather than try to change their behaviour.

Good idea Bunty. There are some nice children in his class and he often plays with two who are lovely. I think I will encourage him to foster those relationships (cue more maternal interference!)

1. YANBU 2)YANBU 3)YABU 4)YABU

1 & 2 YANBU
3 & 4 YABU

Re: 4. just tell your son not to play with them if he doesn't like the way they are with him.

I'd be pissed off at all of those things apart from the reading level. I would be extremely unhappy if DD had been slapped and called a fuckshit and I don't think that 4 year olds should be expected to 'fight their own battles'. The teasing older children thing is only a couple of steps down from proper bullying and should not be tolerated imo. It is unkind and hurtful and you absolutely did the right thing in telling them it wasn't on.

Don't butt out when your son needs you. He sounds really lovely and if he is socially naive (my DD was the same) he needs you even more.

Giddyup - re the 'hurty boys' the problem is that DS doesn't even know that they are not being kind to him. He insists they are his friends. He hasn't got a clue socially and it is very hard to stand back and watch older kids making a fool out of your child.

Do they hurt him, but he keeps going back to them?

I didn't see them hurting him this morning but he told me on Friday that they had all been doing 'rough play' at lunch time (ie fighting). This morning it was clear to me that they were having their fun at his expense. I've spoken to one of the boys now, so will keep an eye out and see what happens. I know what all the boys look like. Hopefully I've nipped it in the bud.

As your DS learns more social skills and makes proper friends, he will realise that the unkind boys are taking the mickey out of him. It is not a nice lesson to learn, but I think we all have to learn it at our own pace. Encourage him to make friends with a wide range of children so he doesn't end up tagging along after children who are not interested.

Doig, I know, I know its a bit heartbreaking to watch... but I think it's something they do have to figure out for themselves. It goes on in every playground everywhere.

It is annoying for older children too, to have little ones trailing around after them when they want to play 'big boy stuff'. I don't think that's fair of them but they are also only young kids finding their way with their peer group and trying to assert their position in the playground hierarchy!

If DS isn't bothered and they are not harming him leave it for your clever little boy to figure out by himself, whilst fostering other friendships. If yours is anything like mine though he will always get a little boy crush on the child I want him to associate with the least!

They may not have realised, or forgotten, or didn't listen when you said how young he is.
My grandson at just 3 is taller than most of the 5-6 year olds here. It does cause people to expect more of them.
Do they share a playground with the older children at lunch time? Most schools seem to keep the Reception children apart.

1. YANBU
2. YANBU
3. YABU
4. I thought at first, YANBU, then I reread and thought YABabitU, now having read "I know what they look like" I think YABU.

You need to let the little things go.

Imagining Bountyeater corralling the guilty children. Let them go Bounty!