To still hate my sister-in-law?

[Maria101]

Last year I fell pregnant, and everybody was thrilled, except my husband's younger brother's girlfriend. She'd only been going out with my brother-in-law for 10 months and she's 26. Whereas I was nearly 31, married for two years etc. Anyway, when we told them she didn't even congratulate us (she just said, 'really? was it planned?'), then ignored me at a few family get-togethers (having been weirdly clingy prior to my pregnancy). Last Christmas day, she fled the room in tears when a great aunt asked me about the pregnancy, and later told my mother-in-law (her boyfriend's mum) that she was upset because I was having 'the first grandchild' (which, considering I'm older, is pretty normal). She also told a complete lie, and told my MIL that I had 'stolen' her favourite names (we'd never even discussed names!). Thankfully my MIL believed me (I've been with my husband for seven years and have a great relationship with her. She also acknowledges this girl is a bit odd). She's got a troubled past (alcoholic mother etc), but is also prone to lying and tells contradictory stories about her childhood so I'm not sure how much of what she says is true. Think a young Heather Mills! My MIL always excuses her behaviour by saying that she's had a tough life. But my own father was a shit, and I've never used that as an excuse to behave badly. Anyway, shortly after I gave birth this June she announced that her Pill had failed and she too was pregnant. She completely ignores my daughter (or makes snidy comments about her weight, cradle cap etc), yet bangs on about her own pregnancy (she went out and bought 400 size 1 nappies at the 10 week mark!!). I know I should focus on my gorgeous baby and lovely family, but everytime I see her I just feel so angry and resentful. I feel like she took a happy, lovely time in my life and tainted it with her weirdness. Then got pregnant just to get one up on me. I also feel my MIL should have stuck up for me a bit more, instead of feeling sorry for her. Am I being unreasonable to a) hate a pregnant woman and b) to still feel wound up about this?

Everytime you look at, acknowledge or speak to her you are inadvertently feeding her drama. She needs an audience for her crazy and can only play with you if you respond by recognising her existence in any way. Ignore, pretend she doesn't exist and carry on with your life. She's toxic and will poison everything if you allow her into your space.

Keep your kid away from her and be honest that it's because of her negativity toward her. If she does try to cause drama over you avoiding her, state bluntly that you don't want to be around someone so mentally disturbed and destructive as it's exhausting and incredibly irritating. You hope one day she'll get help but it's not your problem, you don't care.

Learn the power of indifference, there's nothing a compulsive lying, drama queen hates more.

She's not a girl at 26, and really so what if she thinks or does whatever? You have to be pretty insecure yourself to be so obsessed about what someone you're not even related to thinks about when you got pregnant.

She sounds as if she has troubles that are nothing to do with you, so don't take it personally.

How can you just pass a 2yo thread?

You do sound nice. My sister in law in law did get pregnant shortly after me because of my pregnancy because it had made her feel broody but it wasn't any of this attention seeking stuff and it has never been an issue at all, so I think added to this girl's weirdness generally you are probably handling it quite well. By the way it will be very hard for your mother in law to side with you as she is probably trying to be diplomatic and very very nice about things. But in her head she probably agrees with you completely.

fucking zombie threads...don't dig up the dead, folks!

Two years on, I have to ask, how many of the 400 size one nappies got used?

I don't get the competitive pregnancy thing. When I got pregnant it was the first granchild on both sides but that really wasn't important, we wanted a child and had one. If mys sister/ SIL had got pregnant etc it really wouldn't have bothered me, it wouldn't have affected my pregnancy. I hate being fussed over though and didn't see pregnancy as some sort of starring role. I don't see pregnant women as more deserving of attention and fuss than nonpregnant ones.
I would just see your SIL as a bit of a loon and not have much to do with her. (OP of 2 years ago's SIL)
I think mummykins should stop seeing pregnancy as a competition. Feeling as though your heart has been ripped out should be reserved for things like your child being killed, not your SIL being pregnant again and a bit of a drama queen.

i also don't get the "pregnancy competition" that seems to go on...... for goodness sake we aren't the first women to give birth, why should we think the world should rejoice as if we are? My ds was first GC on my side, i wouldn't have cared if someone else was pregnant, or what birth order for granparents he was.

What really annoys me is the "precious preggers" attitudes you get on FB where every flippin ache/pain/cramp is documented. The world will not be a better place knowing that you have green discharge oozin from your cracked and crusty right nipple.

The best thing you can do is not give a toss. Don't let her weirdness upset you. Enjoy your child and life fully. Expect nothing from her at all yet be fair to her own child. It does sound like she was very broody and jealous. See her behavior as a running joke that you feel emotionally separate from. Make light of her behaviour.

I didn't notice the age of the thread until it was pointed out

It just sounds to me like she had fertility issues (or just took a little while longer then expected to conceive) and wasn't dealing with it very well. I actually feel a bit sorry for her. Infertility is awful, really effects people so deeply.

Yanbu

She sounds v insecure and a bit of an attention seeker. My own SIL was the same (no longer in touch). I find with folk likr that if you give them enough rope they tend to hang themselves. I used to nod and smile politely when she had one of hers 'moments'. Ignore her and enjoy you're child and family life-it will wind her up even more to know that you're completely oblivious to her histrionics.

Oh duh! ZOMBIE THREAD!,

How weird, one post 4 oct 2010 then next post 4 oct 2012.

< hums theme from "Tales of the unexpected" >

how do i deleted thread as i would rather delete it than recieve all the negative comments ive been getting.Sorry if i've offended anyone, and am seeming jealous.Can someone tell me how to remove my post's....

Her behaviour is so far from normal I'd say there is something going on in her life that you don't know about, and she needs kindness not judgement. Just ignore the weird bits and try to talk to her about her pregnancy and make her feel included. Hard I know when you feel someone is being an unmitigated cow, but being the better person is an easy road. Getting angry and upset is going to stress you out, and won't help her.

If it makes you feel better my sil has not spoken to me since we told them I'm pregnant, nearly 3 years ago. She already has twin girls so It's not like she was having issues and just got upset. She has also stopped speaking to any friend of hers that gets pregnant. Some people are just odd.

Hello. As this is a zombie thread (from 2010), we're going to lock it down now.