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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Yesterday DS3 (9) was sent to PO collection to get parcels and came home upset so I marched up there...

30 replies

activate · 03/10/2010 08:11

and got all passively pleasantly aggressive on his ass with

"Please could you let me know the PO rules about a 10 year old collecting family parcels" (smile sweetly)

"Oh it was your manager was it, could I please have a word" (she'd gone out within the 5 minutes it had taken DS to relay the story so couldn't speak to me)

"Oh dear maybe she could call me if there's a problem here. DS is very upset now because as he left he heard you say 'How disgusting' and of course to him you're someone in uniform and he is very law-abiding"

"Oh it wasn't you was it? Oh it was someone in the queue. Yes I will take your heartfelt apology to him, yes I understand that you're sorry the little man is so upset. Thank you for your time" whistle sweetly, smile gently, walk away.

AIBU to think he won't be commenting on someone's parenting ever again

(DS(3) is almost 10. He has little jobs to do, one of which is to collect parcels from the PO when we know what they are. The PO is two small quiet blocks away (3 min walk). He relishes the responsibility as it makes him feel like his older brothers.)

OP posts:

LittleMissHissyFit · 03/10/2010 08:19

Good for you for not ripping someone's head off showing restraint!

mloo · 03/10/2010 08:20

I'm having trouble understanding what happened -- you're saying that the PO staff openly disapproved because they thought he was too young? I can understand you querying that.

I guess it's the sort of thing that inspires fierce debate. You could go onto the FreeRangekids website to get some strong support.

I left 9yo DD alone in the public library for 25 minutes yesterday while I did a bit of shopping; as I left library, in walks my neighbour who I reckon reported me to SS for allowing my 8yo DS to walk to school alone a few times. I am wondering if I'll get another knock on my door from SS in the next few days (sigh).

StewieGriffinsMom · 03/10/2010 08:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Igglybuff · 03/10/2010 08:23

I used to do the shopping at around age 10 (with a shopping trolley) and my brother, age 8. Went to school with my brother from age 9/10 ish. Both involved crossing busy roads. In fact ran quite a lot of errands.

Last time I checked, I was fine.

It's so sad people can't use a bit of common sense and keep their traps shut.

Your DS sounds lovely and it's nice you let him do things like that for you!

YANBU

Original poster

activate · 03/10/2010 08:27

mloo Sun 03-Oct-10 08:20:04

I'm having trouble understanding what happened -- you're saying that the PO staff openly disapproved because they thought he was too young? I can understand you querying that.

Yes the PO man openly disapproved of DS collecting parcels for the family, told him he shouldn't be doing it - gave him the parcels and said "That's disgusting" to his back as he walked out.

I told DS what he'd said and DS was shocked that he was pretending it was someone else. I told him that sometimes people blame other people because they're feeling so bad and that we know it was him.

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 03/10/2010 08:27

mloo, be careful! i believ e it's actually illegal to leave a child in a public place.
i only know this because i used to work at a national trust property where a lady regularly came in and left her kids to play in the gardens while she went shopping,
the police were called and she was warned about it. apparently it's abandonment

ragged · 03/10/2010 08:47

Is a child any person under age 16, ThisIsYesterday? Does anyone know? In which case surely it's illegal for 11-15yos to walk to secondary school alone, the roads are a public place, right? What about on the public bus, isn't that a public place, too? Never mind playgrounds, skateparks...

It's normal around here for 8+ yr olds to walk to the shops alone.

I hate it when the law has no relation to common sense.

TheFallenMadonna · 03/10/2010 08:53

That can't be right surely? Can a child not visit a library alone? Or is only if they are taken by their parents and then left?

onimolap · 03/10/2010 08:57

Thisisyesterday: if it was a National Trust property it's not a public space, it's place owned privately by a charitable body and open to the public, and it sounds from your post like the relevant was the manager or other owner's representative calling the police because children had been abandoned on that property.

I don't think there is any actual law on when children can be left, and I don't see attempts to prosecute parents for neglect/abandonment would get very far. And once the child had turned 10 (age of criminal responsibility), would it be the child who was prosecuted (as going out could easily be if their own volition?)

Anenome · 03/10/2010 09:00

The law is sketchybut our library won't allow unattended children ever...sad when I remember the hours I spent at our village library alone as a kid.

In my experience the Post Office staff are rude and lax....I opned the door to one postman who had a parcel for me and he said "It's a shutty day isn't it?" I oouldn't believe it and complained...there's something so wrong about a swearing postman...kind of like hearing Miss Marple say "bugger" or something.

Anenome · 03/10/2010 09:01

Shitty! Not Shutty! I wouldn't hve minded shutty!

PaulineCampbellJones · 03/10/2010 09:06

Good for you! Hope it doesn't put your DS off going again.

nottirednow · 03/10/2010 09:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mloo · 03/10/2010 09:14

Our library allows children age 8+ to stay without parents for organised events (stories crafts etc.), so until now I had assumed that their policy was that it was okay for any child age 8+ to stay unattended.... but I guess they could be operating according to completely different bureaucratic nonsensical rules policy guidelines

wouldliketoknow · 03/10/2010 09:15

yanbu on the comment, certainly uncalled for...
exactly what was he disgusted about? write a letter to customer services, they will get told off, big time...
he needs id in the name of the person the parcel is for and id for himself to collect a parcel, you know, you can't give the post to just anyone...
i know of a case where the wife couldn't collect a parcel for her husband because she didn't have id for him... is another of those rules like the banks, in a joint account calling for dh won't tell me what is about...is my account too...

ask what he needs to collect aparcel and send him again, complain as many times as needed, i know a po where staff call scambugs to the customers that come to collect benefits...

Original poster

activate · 03/10/2010 09:20

I reckon he was 'disgusted' that a child was collecting parcels whilst their presumed lazy-arsed mother lay a-bed. He got a shock when I turned up less than 5 minutes later

DS did have family ID with him and there are no posters to determine the age of a child although PO worker tried to bluster that they liked them to be 12 or 14 (well which?) really. But I mentioned too that DS would be walking a mile and a half to school in less than a year and that we have taken the decision as parents to give him gradual responsibility.

OP posts:

Anenome · 03/10/2010 09:26

Does your DS look young? My niece is 9 almost 10 and to be honest if I saw a kid lie her arrive somewhere oficial alone I would wrry a bit...there's 9 and there's 9 isn't there?

Takver · 03/10/2010 09:27

Well its certainly not illegal for children to be in our swimming pool without adults aged 8! (ie they say 8 and above are fine to swim without an adult)

And I would have thought that the potential danger was rather greater in a swimming pool than the post office (never heard of anyone drowning, slipping & cracking their head etc in a PO). . .

Your post office man is clearly a loon.

arses · 03/10/2010 09:30

What kind of adults are we going to have in future if kids can't walk 3 minutes to do a chore at ten yeas old? Seriously!

Northernlurker · 03/10/2010 09:37

I hate this kind of thing. Dd1's drama teacher asked me if she was really walking home by herself. Seeeing as drama finishes at 7.30 pm not MIDNIGHT and her route home is 15 minutes walk along well lit streets with two safe crossings - yes I am. Dd1 is 12 by the way. She started this when she was 11 and I met her half way for the first few sessions.

Original poster

activate · 03/10/2010 09:38

He looks like a 9 to 10 year old. He's relatively tall and quite built because he's a gymnast so no he isn't a 9 year old-looking 6

OP posts:

MABS · 03/10/2010 09:38

our racquets and health club just changed the swimming pool age from 14 without an adult to 16 years :(

Northernlurker · 03/10/2010 09:43

That's bad - how many 15 year olds want to go swimming with their mum?

catherinewho · 03/10/2010 14:46

Technically you need ID to collect parcels from the PO so really you shouldn't send a 10 year old to collect them, however DH has said that if someone that age turned up at his PO to collect a parcel it would be at his discretion and obviously if he knew the child and family he wouldn't have a problem with it.

As for the comment the guy made YANBU.

Original poster

activate · 03/10/2010 14:51

Yes and he had ID with him - a family gas bill and his school id card. So how would that mean that technically he shouldn't pick up parcels? There are no notices about a minimum age up in PO (I checked)

OP posts:

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