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Original poster

To Think It Wrong To Lock Children In Their Bedrooms?

52 replies

midori1999 · 02/10/2010 22:58

I was babysitting for a friend last night. She used to have stairgates at her DS's bedroom doors. I noticed they now have locks on the doors, on the outside.

I asked friends DD why there were locks on the boys bedroom doors now, was it to lock them out during the day so they don't untidy their rooms too much and she said 'no, the boys sometimes have to be sent to their rooms when they are naughty and won't stay in without the locks'.

I am pretty sure friends DD wouldn't lie, and she clearly didn't think it at all odd to lock the boys in their rooms. The boys are known for being very, um, wilful and my friend does struggle to deal with them and is currently pregnant again.

I do feel awkward about mentioning it to my friend and haven't so far, but I am concerned. I am right to be concerned or am I being horribly judgemental?

OP posts:
Hedgeblunder · 02/10/2010 23:00

I don't know tbh- I don't like it but I haven't got 4 kids, it must be very diffcult if you have very 'willful' boys!

TheCrackFox · 02/10/2010 23:04

I'm inclined to agree.

When we moved to this house there was a lot of latches on the doors (high up so children couldn't reach) - cupboards (fair enough), living room (hmm), and bedrooms. Very strange.

LynetteScavo · 02/10/2010 23:05

I wouldn't do it.

DS2's bedroom door jams when he's slammed it behind him. When he finds he can't get out he starts trashing him room.

And forcing a wilful boy into his room whilst pg really cant be easy.

Is it any worse than holding the door shut, as shown on so many parenting programs, though?

MistsAndMellow · 02/10/2010 23:06

Tricky. It doesn't sound ideal, but - my DS sleeps in a toddler bed next to ours and because the door and carpet are so stiff the door might as well be locked once we make the room safe, tuck him into bed and shut the door. He can't open it.

But then he is only three and we are awake listening all evening and at night in the same room if danger struck.

nameymcnamechange · 02/10/2010 23:07

On the very few occasions my ds's behaviour has been so bad that he has been sent to his room, I have had to stand outside his bedroom door holding it shut to prevent him from coming out again. If there was a lock on the door I guess I might use it, for a couple of minutes, but only from when he was, say, 4 onwards.

saintlydamemrsturnip · 02/10/2010 23:08

We have high up locks on the outside of all internal doors - severely autistic son. means we can keep him
out of rooms - was particularly important when our windows were ropey. We have no bathroom locks (internal) for the same reason.

Depends how long they're in there for IMO. If it's a minute per year of age no problem at all. If it's hlursat a time that's potentially a concern.

nickschick · 02/10/2010 23:09

Its wrong imo.

unfitmother · 02/10/2010 23:12

I think It's wrong

louise999 · 02/10/2010 23:13

Very wrong what if there was a fire christ!!!

sethstarkaddersmum · 02/10/2010 23:13

we have all manner of random hooks and bolts, either from us or the previous residents.

eg one on the baby's room which is useful for keeping the older children out
one between living room and kitchen
and one on children's room which is used as a last resort when they won't stay in their room after bedtime, never for more than a few mins.

thecaptaincrocfamily · 02/10/2010 23:14

I think yanbu.

I think its wrong because

  1. young children then refuse to go to bed and see it as punishment instead of a calm place to sleep.
  2. if its overnight they can't escape in a fire
  3. even if its for a few minutes and a fire happened and you were downstairs you may be unable to let them out.
  4. there are other ways of disciplining and other ways of using time out.
louise999 · 02/10/2010 23:16

What does yanbu mean by way???

thecaptaincrocfamily · 02/10/2010 23:18

you are not being unreasonable!

louise999 · 02/10/2010 23:23

I do agree with captain croc the house should feel a whole place of safety for children, mine sometimes won't go to bed but would never think of sectioning them off to get peace, there was a lock on our bedroom door when we moved in it was the first thing we took off we don't even have a lock on bathroom door!

purpleduck · 02/10/2010 23:42

its wrong

BeerTricksPotter · 02/10/2010 23:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scurryfunge · 02/10/2010 23:46

It is a sign of abuse unless you can argue the safety side.

MollieO · 02/10/2010 23:48

Very wrong imo. How do you distinguish locking a child in their room as a punishment and locking a child in their room which is child abuse?

Ds is a 'wilful' child and extremely hard work at times. I would never ever lock him in his room as that would be for my benefit not his.

cumfy · 03/10/2010 00:29

I think fire brigade might have something to say about this!

Also, you say locks on the outside Hmm.

Could you describe these locks; not padlocks surely ?

SpeedyGonzalez · 03/10/2010 00:37

I also think it's wrong. Surely there must be other ways to deal with their behaviour?

BitOfFun · 03/10/2010 00:48

I also have an autistic child. She is locked in her room every night with a catch outside her door. It would be dangerous for her to have free run of the house. Social Services baulked at the idea and suggested a full-height stairgate affair instead. I don't know why, because that would be harder to bust open in a fire, but they seemed to find it more appropriate. I pointed out that dd2 would find it horribly tormenting to be able to hear and see other members of the family as they went to the loo etc or had the landing light on. She needs a very low-stimulation environment to be able to sleep. They conceded that this was common sense.

God forbid that there is ever a fire, but a) she wouldn't know what to do anyway, and b) the latch is much easier to bust open than a metal gate.

thumbwitch · 03/10/2010 00:53

I think it would be wrong to lock them in for hours at a time but can see it would be useful for their "time outs"; but I also agree that the bedroom isn't the ideal place for time outs. However, if she has no other choice and it's locking them in their rooms to keep them apart so they don't kill each other, then it might be a good idea for her family.

I had a lock on my bedroom door (proper, inside and out) - when I was a teenager it became quite useful.Wink

tallwivglasses · 03/10/2010 00:59

We're the same BitOfFun.

I can't risk ds getting out at night, even though there's locks on every other door in the house. If he rattles his door, I wake up and go to him. Most kids wander into their parents' room in the middle of the night. My ds (aged 11) could hurt himself.

I think if you have 'normal' kids you don't need locks, just safety gates.

NotanOtter · 03/10/2010 01:00

we have cabin hooks on doors for keeping rooms clean/ stopping toddlers destroying castles/jigsaws/a level coursework

Never locking children in. Wrong

NotanOtter · 03/10/2010 01:01

although HV did tell me to put stairgate to stop ds sleepwalking so authorities cannot think it all bad

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