to tell my dad i dont have time to talk on the phone?

[familyfun]

i see my dad once a week, i saw him yesterday morning and he talked about his relationship and other adult conversations that dont include dd (3) so she entertains herself with a bit of input from me and sometimes i play on the floor with dd while dad talks but he then looks bored and reads the paper.

when happy i rarely hear from him between weekly visits but when unhappy or single he rings very frequently and i try to listen as he has no friends to talk to.

this morning me and dd had just dressed after breakfast and id just agreed to play fuzzy felts with her, when the phone rang and its dad saying can i talk he has a problem. i said im just playing with dd but i can chat for a minute or 2 whats wrong, turns out he has argues with gfs daughter and wants my opinion. i dont know gf or her daughter, i give quick opinion but really feel sorry for dd as she has to go off and entertain herself again. 15 minutes later end of conversation.

thing is dd is at nursery all afternoon, since sept so this is a new thing, so mornins are our time.

dad is often ringing with these problems, questions about what would i do etc.

when he has gf round he wont answer the phone. he ignores the door when he is busy. i dont consider his problems to be major problems necessarily, more something he should discuss with a mate, not me his daughter.

dd can entertain herself and i know i can answer the phone but i feel like if he rings again with similar non problems im going to say im too busy, my time with dd is important and this is draining me.

am i being really selfish?

I dont know, couldnt you ask him to call you in the afternoon when shes at nursery so you can have a good talk then. Or if you are unhappy with the content of your chats explain that there are somthings you dont want to know about as his daughter. It sounds like you are very close though and he must see you as a friend aswell as a daughter, wont it be lovely if you have the same sort of trust and understanding with your own dd when shes older :)

I think its a compliment to you

id be happy for him to phone in the afternoon, he always phones at a time to suit him, dds bedtime or dinnertime, but if i say i only have a couple of mins and it takes 15 mins then i cant do it.

im glad we are friends as well as father / daughter but i feel he uses me a bit when things arent going so well.

some conversations i dont want to hear and some i have no opinion on as i dont know the people and get a 1 sided version.

im being selfish i think,

no i dont think you are being selfish. its strange when we get older that our relationships with our parents can change and the boundaries get a bit blurred, try for example my dad now openly smkoing weed around me, i think i preffered it when he pretended (badly) that he didnt and at least made half hearted attmepts at hiding it!

Just ask his to call pm and steer the convosations to areas you are happy to discuss

I would really take it as a compliment though :)

Simply say you are busy at the moment and can you ring him back at X time?

He sounds a bit self absorbed...

yeah i will say im busy but he can ring back in the afternoon,
i cant afford to ring him back.
some conversations im just going to tell him i dont have an opinion as yesterday when i made a comment he said "yes well whatever" and i thought why do i bother.
tbh we didnt have much of a relationship when i was a kid, i hardly saw him and then when he and my mom divorced he made much more effort to see me and we have always had our weekly chats ever since, but pre dd i went to his house for dinner and he never invited dp as he wanted it just us, now he comes here but still expects my 100% attention and i cant give it.