to be mildly peeved that MIL talked to DD about "unmarrying"?

[anonymousbird]

DD (4) said something really weird last night, about "unmarrying" someone. I asked her some more, and she explained that if you didn't like someone any more, maybe you would get "unmarried". I assumed that someone at school had maybe talked about this, ie. a parent had explained something to one of the children about this as either they or someone close was going through it. In which case, I would be fine about it, that is all part of growing up and if a child in her class is dealing with it, and shares it with the classmates and mentions it to DD, then that is just the natural way of the world. I accept that.

But DD said that Granny said it, last week, when DH and I were out. How and why would that subject come up? There are no splits in the family, or nearest and dearest. Why would she suddenly feel the need to explain to my daughter about people getting "unmarried"? I know I cannot (and do not want to) protect her from the realities of life forever but she is only 4 and it is the kind of thing I would want to explain to her in my own good time or if the need arose.

She was sad when she was talking about it, it really upset me. I know I can't predict the future, and nothing is guaranteed, but DH and I are rock solid. There is no hint or reason to think that we will get "unmarried". I don't want her thinking for a single second that something like that could happen and that her family security could possibly be anything other than 100%.

I've only just (a week or so ago) had to explain to them about someone dying (an elderly neighbour) so now most definitely would not be an appropriate time in my mind, to explain about "unmarrying".

AIBU to wonder about intentions/be a bit pissed off?

BTW, I adore my MIL. She is wonderful. Just prone to the occasional "wobble" from time to time...

perhaps your mil was talking with someone - on the phone maybe - and divorce was talked about and your daughter was tabhanging and afterwards asked about it?

There are so many reasons this could have come up.

I wouldn't have a problem with this at all, sounds like she explained it nicely. Lovely that they are close - think it would be awful if she had to check what she was 'allowed' to say with you all the time. I would hate to be in that position - I would feel as though i wasn't trusted. I wouldn't be surprised if some of her peer group are from 'unmarried' families, it's part of the world.

Your dd is a curious clevel little girl. Who asks questions and wants to chat. Your mil is probably a great grandma who answers the questions and chats back instead of ignoring her. I would be thrilled.

Why this negativity towards the subject? it is not a dirty word.

At this age children jump from subject to subject non stop. My dd to my mum: 'grandma, the plane is driven by pilot, in uk we eat a different fish that has bread outside, why do the widows have glass?, i dont want to marry a man with moustach because i like ketchup, my friend went camping, why dont we go, your food is better than mum's ,if you eat chips in the garden you die actually i dont want to marry a man at all...blah blah' All this in 5 minutes.

Imagine if i analyze all this!!

But people do get unmarried, they get unmarried all the time.

Really don't think you should worry about this at all.

Don't know why this is an issue. As you say, your kids have just recently had to deal with death. There are lots of uncomfortable issues that kids have to get to grips with and I don't see that your MIL did anything wrong.

I'd much rather have divorced explained to my kids in that way than have them go to a friend's house where there are divorced parents and start asking awkward questions...