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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be thinking about sleeping with an ex-friend's ex-husband?

8 replies

Flood · 01/10/2010 11:55

He's single. I'm single. She and I have had little to do with each other for some time. He and I get along really well and, while we don't see each other much, have become friendlier and a bit flirty of late. I can see where this could lead, and I quite like the idea of letting that happen. But I can't reconcile with myself if it's OK or not - in a moral sense.

As two single adults, are we entitled to do what we like together, and keep our private lives private? Or, because there has been a friend connection there in the past, and my former friend and I still live in the same close-knit community and our paths do cross from time to time, is it just plain wrong - even if she doesn't know about it and it's none of her business?

SGB, I'd be particularly grateful for your input on this, since I'm not thinking new, out-in-the-open, conventional relationship here - something neither of us wants nor is in a position to invest in at the moment - but more discreet friend-with-benefits. What do you think?

(I'm a regular by the way, but have name-changed.)

OP posts:
Chil1234 · 01/10/2010 11:57

Oh go for it. The links are incredibly tenuous to start with and everyone's single and grown up. Close knit communities would gossip if you hung a thong on the washing line. Why not give them something really juicy to talk about instead?

Reality · 01/10/2010 11:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EricNorthmansmistress · 01/10/2010 12:02

YANBU
do it, use a condom.

OTTMummA · 01/10/2010 12:02

I'd do it,,,,, If i were you.

Flood · 01/10/2010 12:04

Well, that's an encouraging start. I thought I would be instantly flamed! My conscience has been eating me up over this. A tiny bit of flirting, and I feel consumed with guilt. But maybe I don't need to be? If this was going on in a town/city rather than a gossiping village, I'm sure no one would bat an eyelid.

Is he fit?! I think so - I find him attractive. There's chemistry there. And he's amazing with his kids, which I find lovely.

OP posts:
harassedinherpants · 01/10/2010 12:05

YANBU - go for it!

My dh went out with a friend of mine for a few weeks before we got together. Caused a bit of hassle despite her being preg with her now dh's child.... Never could understand why tbh.

Flood · 01/10/2010 12:09

Wow. I'm surprised and encouraged!

She's a pretty toxic sort (hence our friendship fizzling out and their marriage too), and the thought of her finding out and bad-mouthing me to all and sundry isn't a happy one. But that's her problem, isn't it?

DS's with his dad this weekend. I wonder if this chap is free tonight ...? Wink

OP posts:
Flood · 01/10/2010 12:36

That's grown-up of you, harassedinherpants. Maybe that's the problem: maybe I sense I'm potentially dealing with someone not-very-grown-up here (more her, not him).

But she doesn't have to know. But then I can't decide if feeling I'd need to keep it secret is more about it being my private life and no one else's business (reasonable), or because it's wrong and anyone who knew would think as such (unreasonable). Argh!

Need to stop fretting about it and do some work!

Thanks for posts.

OP posts:
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