how soon is soon for her new man to stay over?

[jj2020]

Hi All,

I' like as many opinions on this as poss PLEASE!!!

My wife and I are separated, (in process of divorcing) we split up around june. I have moved out while she is in the house with the kids and there has been some rocky times for us both but as splitting up goes we've been pretty good with each other for the sake of the kids.

She has currently been seeing a guy for the last 6 weeks and ive learnt that at around the start of the 5th week he has been staying over with our children there, waking up playing them etc.

I feel our oldest son who is 5 (6 in june) has struggled with me going. when ever he goes to bed he'll get upset and when I leave the house every so often will be hysterical, crying which is heart breaking.

what I would like to know from you guys do you think 5 weeks is to soon?? and what is the time limit, is there a time limit on him staying while they are there. My ex doesnt seem to think so and belives this wont be bad for them? Im sure he's a nice guy but does out son need this yet.

The other problem with this is that he lives 3 hours away and they find it hard to meet, so she wants him to stay. I said to stay at a hotel i'll have the children at our old place. Im currently sofa surfing and cant really bring them with me.

Thanks everyone

whitecherry - Ive told her this is on, was a joint decision. be nice for you lot to get full story i guess

That's an eyeopener on the loneparents bit. Spunk on the sheets. Goodness me.

Too soon, IMO. I know separated couples who have waited six months before introducing a new partner! She sounds a touch selfish and I don't think that she has your children's interests at heart. Sorry.

but its usually easier for the dads to move on......they can,generally, conduct new relationshps alot easier than a mum (assuming the mum has residency)......

Thats is very true, whitecherry.

yeah, it is often a lot easier for non-resident parents to move on, which is why it's so important that the OP offers a reasonable and practical solution.

op....i hsve asked twice...does your ex work??

trying to see if her going there insteasd whould be feasible!

Much Much too soon. The kids are showing you that they are distressed. Is she ignoring this? Very selfish of her. The kids were there first, they are still suffering from family breakdown. The kids should be both parents first concern, way before new partners. I would be very upset and angry if this happened to me. I hope you can calmly explain to her how this is affecting then.

When I was a single mum and then fell in love, he stayed over after six months! And that was in the spare room. It it so easy to get caught up in the amazing feelings of a new relationship, but so important to focus on the kids needs first. Agree with previous poster that it will probably be easier when you are back on your feet and have somewhere where the kids can stay with you, and then your ex can do what she likes on her nights 'off'. Good luck

I would personally feel it's way too soon, even for the child to be introduced to the new man, never mind staying over.

I agree it's far too soon. I'm a lone parent (although have great relationship with exH) and I wouldn't dream of introducing a new partner that soon, let alone allowing him to stay over while my DS was home.

Having said that, it's happened now so is there any point asking her to move back to not having him stay over while the DC are there? I don't know.

I think you sound like a very caring dad though. I reckon just try and have an honest conversation with her about your concerns. And get yourself a decent place ASAP so your children feel settled as well.

Good luck.